Fisk - Second Season

Dad, what time is it?

Am I late? What's going on? No, no, it's 6:30.

I just wanted to sit and have a bit of a read.

Can't you read in your giant house?

Once we're up, we're on a schedule.

I'm supposed to be in the shower right now.

Tony?

Tony? Bugger.

There you are. Mm.

You left the shower running. You're not dressed? Are you alright?

Yes, fine. Helen just wanted a bit of company over breakfast.

Really, Helen? Yep.

Well, we're right out of whack now. Where can we make up some time?

I suppose we could always do the crossword this evening.

Could we do the cryptic in bed or is that madness?

Oh, 6:33.

Come on, I'll put the toast on. You give yourself a wash.

No time for a shower now, so, just a quick A, P and C for you, please.

A, P and C?

Armpits and crutch.

Oh, Dad, come on. Please, use my shower.

He means well, just needs to be busy.

He wasn't ready for retirement.

Come on, Tony.

You'll be down to a crotch wash only if you don't hurry up.

Oh, Jesus.

George, why am I meeting

with The American Cat Welfare League at 10:00AM?

I don't know, 'cause you like cats? No, I don't like cats.

Have you ever had a cat? No. I just said I don't like them.

How do you know you don't like cats if you've never had one?

That's a good point, Roz. Hey, webmaster, I'm supposed to have

a Zoom meeting with The American Cat Welfare League in five minutes,

but you never sent me the invitation.

Yes, I did. Ohh...

You've sent it to me. What?

You've made a mistake. No, I haven't.

Oh, yeah, you have. You've sent it to Roz.

Can you send it to me. And also I need this lot photocopied?

Gruber & Associates. How may I help you?

No, no, no, that's Conch.

What? That's the Conch Mediation Line.

"Good morning! Conch Mediation. You talk, we listen."

Don't worry, just put it through to my office.

Conch Mediation.

We talk, you... No, hang on.

You... Whatever. Here's Roz.

What's going on with you this morning? Are you high?

No. I'm overworked.

Sorry. I'm just kidding. It's not funny.

I'm doing three jobs at the moment. How many are YOU doing?

Just one. Yeah, so, shut up.

Sorry, that was unnecessarily aggressive.

That's OK. Are you alright? I'm really stressed.

Roz still hasn't hired a new personal assistant.

Oh, no.

Grandma's away on a cruise. I really miss her.

That's so sad, but I do have the meeting in one minute.

Could you send it through?

But I do want to hear about Grandma, so put a pin in that.

Hi. I was wondering if I could speak to Roz Gruber.

Hello?

Hello?

- Hello! Chad Sittler. - Correct.

I represent The Cat Welfare League of America.

My name's Helen. Helen Tudor-Fisk.

I'm from Gruber & Associates, a small law firm in Melbourne.

Sorry. I missed a lot of that.

Oh, beg your pardon. Is it dropping out?

It's your accent.

I can barely understand a word you're saying.

That is a very strong accent.

Is it? "Is it?"

Yes, it is, Helen!

Did you say you were in 'Melbun'?

Well, I said Melbourne, but whatever.

- Shall we make a start? - Sure.

Let's make a 'stut'.

Oh, not even we talk. Jesus.

Theo, this is all very impressive.

Lots of waiting tables - that's always good. Any questions?

So, hours - I'm hoping flexible.

Oh, of course we can be flexible for the right person.

That's great. I've got two little ones, six and eight.

Ah, both school-age.

Does that mean you'd be looking to finish at 3:00PM?

Well, no, not both school-aged.

We're actually holding Rufus back a year.

Gonna start when he's seven. It's better for the child.

Is it really? Gives them more confidence

and encourages them to take learning risks.

Does it?

Why don't we talk about what's required here at Conch Mediation?

So, office basics, obviously, but number-one priority...

..is managing my schedule...

I am so sorry.

I have to take this. I am lead parent this week.

Hey, little man, what's up? Gotta be quick, yeah?

Dad's in a very important meeting with a very important lady.

He hid your asthma puffer?

Tsk. OK, can you put him on?

Samuel...

..where is Rufus's asthma puffer?

No, it doesn't go in the toilet, Samuel. That's not funny.

I'm so sorry.

I have a client who passed away recently.

She left a large bequest to The Australian Cat Welfare League.

How large?

$10 million. I'm sorry, how much?

$10 million.

Say that again.

$10 million. $10 million.

Yeah, I hear you. It's just funny the way that you say 'tin millien'.

Yeah, OK, do you realise you're doing a New Zealand accent

when you say 'tin millien'?

Listen, this is an Australian accent - 'ten million'.

Thus is a New Zealand accent - 'tin millien'. Hear the difference?

No. Say it again for me.

Alright, thank you. We'll be in touch.

Great, great.

Oh, but no phone calls before 10:00AM, please.

That's usually when I'm trying to wrangle the little monsters.

And obviously evenings are a no-go.

That is the witching hour, as they say.

Do they? Indeed.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Right.

Listen, I'm trying to find The Australian Cat Welfare League.

Yeah, well good luck with that. They don't exist.

We made them change their name back in the '70s.

Change their name? What did they change it to?

I don't know and I don't care.

They were never affiliated with the American charity.

What a shame.

'Cause if you were affiliated in any way

you might have had cause to come after my 'tin million'.

Ah, well, let's just hang on... a minute here, Helen,

because, obviously, when I'm saying they were never affiliated,

what I mean to say... I'm gonna hang up on you now, Chad.

Hang on...

'Chad'.

Who looks at a baby and calls it Chad?

It's not even a name.

Sounds like a cheese.

I'm hungry. Is it lunchtime?

Ooh. Nice brown suit.

Hello. I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk...

I don't shake hands. OK.

Edith Babcock from The Australian Cat Welfare Alliance.

Now, I see from the newspaper - yes, I still get the actual newspaper -

that we've been left a bequest of $10 million.

Yes. Great. I was hoping this would flush someone out.

See, I was told there was no Cat Welfare League in Australia...

No, you're not listening, dear. I'm from The Cat Welfare Alliance.

Yep, what'd I say? We used to be called.

The Cat Welfare League, but we had to change our name back in the '70s.

OK. Where's my tea?

There it is, right there.

Thank you, George.

No.

Uh... No good? You want me to make you another one?

No. I'll do it myself. Where's the kitchen?

Um... It's through there and...

Sorry, League or...

What did she say she was?

Ooh!

Right, tea - where is it?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, dear, what's wrong with your head?

What's this at the front?

You look like one of those birds.

What am I thinking of? Like an emu with a lump on its head.

Cassowary? That's it! Cassowary.

I'm sorry, can I help you?

Oh! Tea BAGS!

No wonder.

Do you have any tea leaves? Loose-leaf tea?

I'm afraid not. Extraordinary.

Well, this'll have to do.

I'd like it strong please, with just a spot of milk.

Now, Madam Cassowary, where's the lavatory?

It's through there. I'll just get you the key.

Key? Who locks a toilet? That's absurd.

That's what I've always said.

That's it. Just one page. Irene Sawchuck.

I remember this. But she died ages ago.

Yeah, I know. I kind of put it in the too-hard basket

when I couldn't track down the charity.

Jeez, Helen, what about all those poor cats that depend on welfare?

Yeah, righto. You make it sound like they're all lining up

outside Cat Centrelink with their little paws out.

It's not a joke. Yeah, I know.

That's why I'm sorting it out. This will is pretty vague.

I reckon you might need to make a cy pres application.

What's that?

Means a court has to decide where she wanted the money to go.

Really? Does that mean I have to go to court?

Worse. You'll probably have to get a barrister.

No. Boo! I don't want to get a barrister.

Mm.