Ann Droid

Because you own this house,

could you borrow against it and lend us the money for a down payment?

Renee can not breathe... Oh!

RENEE GASPS

Renee is fine.

She is also pregnant.

I'm going to be a dad? What a happy family dinner!

Jeffrey left me for a robot!

Not one like Linda. One of the sexy ones.

Come on! Eileen's got to open the shop at nine!

Sue, you are not meant to travel at this speed.

Reduce your speed.

Reduce your speed.

When word gets out that Phyllis is dumping Jeffery's expensive

stuff, the shop'll be over-run with greedy little scavengers

looking for a bargain! Like us. Yes, like us.

Shit, there's Maggie Hughes!

The word is out. She is impossible to get rid of.

Sue! Sue!

If you're heading in, I'll join you. CAR ALARM

Sue, I have activated her car alarm.

Ha! All right, Sue, Linda?

Maggie, turn that bloody racket down!

I'm trying! Sounds like a German rave out here!

Hello. I am Guy.

This is Guy, Roxy's replacement. Ah...

Pleased to meet you, Guy.

Linda has missed having a little friend, haven't you, Linda?

Yes.

Take what you want, I've got to open in five. OK.

Hey, I'm taking that.

Be good for the Leonids meteor storm on Friday.

The Leonids Storm is associated with the comet Tempel-Tuttle,

and occur every 33 years, projecting hundreds to

thousands of shooting stars.

I missed the last one. Charles and Diana had just separated.

I weren't in the mood.

Wouldn't you like to see it with no light pollution?

Just one more time, camped out in the wild...

No way, Sue.

I heard about a woman who got lost in Devon.

They thought she'd died of exposure,

autopsy showed her brain was basically slush.

She'd drunk from a stream riddled with a brain parasite

found in wild pig faeces.

Sue, we should go camping! I can't go camping on my own...

You would not be alone. You have me.

I have a database of over 300 campfire songs.

I have 700.

I think camping's a bit much for me at my age.

Sue, you could always take Jeffrey's emergency kit that he took up Kilimanjaro.

It'll be in here somewhere... Hey, look at me!

I'm wearing Armani! You look like James Bond.

Ha-ha!

RIPPING

Oh, shit!

Oh... Oh, dear...

Tom, you've got a new robot... I'm sending him back.

I don't want a boy, it feels weird.

That is because society regards care-giving as "women's work".

You're being sexist, Tom.

There's nothing wrong with a man providing care.

Oh, I found it! There you go, Sue.

Oh... Thank you.

Sue, camping is in my activity settings.

I can assemble tents, read maps, and my finger is a whistle.

WHISTLES WEAKLY

I have an Emergency Distress Beacon linked to Nato's satellite network.

I can tie eight different types of knot.

Well, we used to go camping when Michael was little.

I suppose we get the old gear out, one more time...

Funny, isn't it?

When the next meteor shower comes around in 33 years,

we'll all be dead.

LINDA LAUGHS

Oh, I'm sorry, that's not funny.

We're going to play a game.

I'll go first. I spy with my little eye

something beginning with...

..D.

Dandelions.

That's amazing. I followed the line of your retina.

That's cheating! OK. Let's go again, your turn.

I spy with my little eye,

something beginning with...C.

Very good!

Um... Car?

Incorrect.

It was clouds.

No, you're not supposed to tell me.

You're supposed to let me keep on guessing.

Guessing is the fun bit.

We used to go camping all the time.

One year, Michael made up this story about the caterpillar tree.

Inside, there was a caterpillar city,

and caterpillar buses and caterpillar libraries.

Did it have a government and judiciary?

He was only seven.

He was so sweet...

Michael still has not called.

No.

He's not talking to me.

Come on... OK.

What camping songs do you have?

# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes

# She'll be coming... # Sue you are meant to join in.

Oh, no, I've got a terrible voice.

I am sure it is not terrible.

I never sing in public.

I only ever sang in front of Dave. Oh, go on, Sue.

Please sing.

No...

Please, Sue. I beg of you.

SUE SIGHS

# I don't know what it is that makes me love you so

# I only know I never want to let you go

# Cos you've got something and... Er...

# I only want to be with you. #

It is good you do not do this in public, Sue.

Dave said that too.

How did the job hunt go?

Great! Er...

So many promising leads!

Quitting the music shop is the best...decision I've ever made.

Should you still be sparring...

It's OK, I told Professor Chris to be gentle with me.

It's a bit early to be telling people, isn't it?

I didn't tell him!

We both follow this amazing raw milk advocate

and I just commented "as a soon-to-be Momma Warrior, I'm going

"to give raw milk to my little ninja the way nature intended."

And I guess everyone must've figured it out.

Oh, Chris also asked me to tell you if you're still struggling to find work...

You told him that?! Only because he bought a gym and needs help setting it up.

He's just trying to help, it's so emasculating being broke.

I'm not broke.

And I am not working for Chris!

He bought a gym?

He's just the kind of guy that makes stuff happen!

He once told me he manifested a ceasefire in Kashmir...

What do you think about having a little party?

I'd love that.

Just us, our new little family.

I've sort of already invited a few people, you know,

just close friends and a couple of bitches who are really gonna hate me

getting all the attention. Could invite your mum...

No.

I'm not talking to her.

What if she gets drunk? She might offer to help us out again. Great,

then she'll sober up and change her mind...

Again.

She needs to see what her life looks like with nothing

but a stupid robot for company.

BOTH LAUGH

Oh, Linda, that's so funny!

LINDA LAUGHS

I'm having so much fun!

Oh, Linda, it hasn't changed a bit!

Hiya! Hello!

No, not you, behind you...

Who is that?

I don't know! A camper, they're friendly!

I will pitch the tent.

Oh, there's no rush...

Oh, go on, then. Pitch the tent.

I can't help you. I have no idea how to do it.

Dave always did that.

I will download instructions, it is very basic.

OK...

Hello! Hey, I'm Kit! We're neighbours!

Hi, Kit, I'm Sue and this is Linda.

Hello, Kit, I am Linda.

Oh...

That's a robot.

Are they allowed in National Parks?

Oh, yes. Don't worry, Linda is completely harmless! Aren't you, Linda?

Yes.

Are you here for the meteor shower?

Yeah, we just realised we didn't bring our bottle opener.

I don't suppose you've got one we can borrow?

Oh, better look... Just a few.

You can keep it, we've got plenty.

Thank you, that's really kind! Yeah, so, we're just over there.

So if you need anything, just let me know.

Thank you.

You see, Linda? This is community.

Right, well, I'm going to the bathroom, back soon...

Goodbye, Sue.

SUE CHUCKLES

Hi!

I'm Nish, I'm from Legal.

Thank you for your interest in participating in our new trial.

Hey, you can test anything on me, if the money's right.

Dose me up, Doc!

I'm not a doctor.

So, I can see from your form here that you previously

participated in one of our clinical trials,

Specifically the Benzodopotriazaphexahyzaline trial.

Yep. But that finished ages ago.

It didn't "finish", it was terminated.