Glee

So here's what you missed on Glee: Quinn was dating Sam,

but then she kissed Finn, so Santana told Sam, and now

they've started dating.

You are Biebalicious.

Will's not dating anyone and says he's over Emma, but it

seems like he's still got a thing for her, even though she's married.

Kurt's really into Blaine, and Blaine likes Kurt,

but he says he just wants to stay friends.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Figgins,

you wanted to see me?

William, we have an epidemic on our hands.

- Head lice? - Worse. Giggle juice.

- I'm sorry. What? - Alcohol, William.

The wet devil.

Our children are so brazen, they are showing up to school wasted.

And not wasted on learning, Will.

Wasted on booze.

Why, just this week, we've had five suspensions

for intoxication on school grounds.

Figgins!

You rock!

Yeah, man!

Six suspensions.

I don't get it.

Drinking's never been a problem at this school.

That's because there are new alcoholic beverages

targeted to kids, Will.

Just listen to the radio.

Pop music now glorifies binge drinking.

Just listen to any hit

by pop sensation Key-dollar-sign-ha.

Oh. You... You mean Ke$ha?

We must do something to protect our children, Will.

I... I totally agree.

How... How can I help?

I have decided to make this week

Alcohol Awareness Week at McKinley.

I have contacted Kitty Dukakis, who will be the guest speaker

at an assembly where your Glee Club will perform a song

highlighting the dangers of teenage drinking.

Can I count on you, William?

Sync by YesCool

Corrected by icephoenix

Font & Color by HerrySis

- Emma? - Hi.

Enough with us not being friends.

Look, I heard through the grapevine that you and Carl

started looking for a tract house together,

and I just wanted to say that I'm genuinely happy for you.

Thank you.

That's really sweet.

Two-slicer.

Do you want to catch up?

Yeah. Sure.

How have you been?

Busy. Yeah.

Glee Club's gearing up for Regionals...

I, um, love hearing about the Glee Club,

but I'm actually more interested in you.

- You know, how you're doing. - Me? Uh...

Are you dating anybody?

No.

No?

Maybe you should.

You know, Ella, I think

Will should really concentrate on his treatment

before he tries another relationship

with an early hominid, even a human female.

- Treatment? - Alcoholics Anonymous, Will.

I suggest you pre-emptively check

into rehab, as you are a future alcoholic.

I mean, come on.

Look where you are. You're coaching a Glee Club

that can only beat choirs of old people.

You're rehashing the details of your failed marriage

with the very lemur who rejected the bestial horror

of your craven sexual advances.

And when my Glee Club crushes you at Regionals,

well, the last ounce of meaning will drain from your life,

and you will turn to drink.

I don't get it. How is it that you're now coaching a Glee Club?

I was so inspired by my stint in the Glee Club,

that I took the trip to Westvale,

and I volunteered my help.

Unfortunately, the chipper homosexual

who coaches Aural Intensity

had a terrible fall down the stairs.

I'm okay. Don't worry.

Not to be alarmed.

Doctors say he will be fine. Provided they can get

the swelling in his brain under control.

Okay, sorry. I still don't understand.

How can the school let you coach Aural Intensity?

Newsflash, Amelda.

There's no one lining up to coach Glee Clubs

because it's a sucky job for losers.

But there was an opening, and I am a champion.

Oh, Will. Here's the book by Bill W.,

outlining the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I can't wait for you to start climbing those steps,

because when you get to the top,

I'm gonna knock you back down.

What's up, my hot, little Jewish-American Princess?

What do you want, Puckerman?

Well, word on the street is that your dads are out of town,

and you're all alone in your house.

They are on the Rosie O'Donnell cruise.

Was that... Who told you that?

This is the kind of information a guy like me tends to know.

So, uh, party this Saturday?

I'll bring the beer ball. That's a mini-keg.

Forget it.

Oh, come on. Just the Glee kids.

We're losing our minds, all stressed about Sectionals and stuff.

Regionals. Besides,

you just want a place to have sex and get drunk.

Yeah. There's a word for that. A party.

No. No.

No. My... My dads, they left me alone in my house

because they trusted me to be responsible.

They left you alone 'cause you suck and are a total bore.

- Hey. - Yo.

How's the song-writing going?

Hey. It's going amazing.

I think I might have a really big hit here,

which is why I wanted you to come by.

I want you to hear it.

Oh. Yeah. Cool.

Come here.

What was that for?

To break the tension.

We were boyfriend and girlfriend, Finn.

It's silly for us to pretend

like we aren't comfortable around each other.

Yeah. Totally.

And I know that we have some unresolved feelings,

but like my two new role models Carole King and Gerry Goffin,

I think it's important that we just

put them aside and stay focused on our mission

which is just to write an amazing song

to win Regionals with.

Well, I have no idea who those people are,

but I'm on board. Let's hear it.

It's just... It's a little rough, but, uh...

I think it's really special.

Hold... Hold on. Uh...

Is this song about your headband?

Yes. It's called, "My Headband."

They say you should write about what you know.

Well, uh...

It's really... interesting,

but it's not...

emotional or, like, good.

- It sucks. - Yeah.

How am I supposed to write a song like Joni Mitchell

or Carole King? They've lived.

Well, maybe if you want to be an artist like them,

you should do a little living.

You're so right.

I mean, even now,

it... It's Alcohol Awareness Week,

and we're supposed to sing songs about the dangers of drinking,

and I've never even had a drink.

Wait, seriously?

That's why I never got past second base. Wait.

- Where are you going? - To find Puckerman.

You know, my journey from little princess

to natural woman begins this Saturday night at my house.

That sounds awful.

- Is anybody going? - Let me find out.

- Did you hear? - Yes. Mercedes just told me.

Tell them I'll go if they go.

Tell them yourself. I ain't no pony express.

You're going, right?

Only if there's liquor.

Because a Rachel Berry party is not something I can do sober.

But it's Alcohol Awareness Week.

Precisely. And I am aware of how much fun alcohol is.

Let's ask Puckerman.

You're go for Puck.

Noah, it's Santittany and Artcedes.

Can your friend score us some wine coolers?

No, but his I.D. can.

Well, if we're all in, it's settled.

The Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza

is officially a go.

Welcome.

Kurt. Blaine.

I wasn't expecting you guys.

Kurt's been blackmailing me

ever since he saw my browser history.

He kind of insisted on coming.

I'm totally off the clock right now, Rachel.

I'm not a Warbler. I'm just Blaine.

I'm not even wearing my uniform.

So, this is your dads' Oscar Room.

Yes. They transformed our ordinary basement

for our famous annual Oscar parties.