The Wind

So Saint Peter leaves and Jesus remains,

guarding the gateway to heaven,

his eyes feasting on the serenity of the sky and the clouds.

Suddenly, out of the swirling mist, an old man appears.

He's wearing a worn-out suit and carries a crooked cane.

Heavy spectacles sit beneath his heavy eyebrows.

He approaches Jesus and says, "Good morning.

"I would like to get into Heaven."

And Jesus says, "You will if you've led a worthy life.

“And what was your profession on Earth, sir?"

And the old man says,

"I was a carpenter."

Jesus pauses for a moment,

looks at the old man, and says in a low voice,

"Strange... I used to know a man who was a Carpenter."

The old man nods.

"I know how you must feel," he says.

“Because I had a son who I haven't seen in a very long time."

A lump comes to Jesus' throat...

“That man..." says Jesus,

“That carpenter was my father."

Jesus leans down and studies the old man's features.

"Strange," says Jesus.

“But you look very familiar to me."

The old man squints again, looks up at Jesus, and says,

“And you look familiar to me, too."

With tears in his eyes, Jesus opens his arms and says,

"Father?"

The old man wipes a tear from his eye, opens his arms, and says,

"Pinocchio?"

You're sick!

Your sense of humor is sick.

Ah, come on.

Admit it, you loved it, John.

I liked it. I didn't love it.

It was good.

That's because you think unexpected endings are brilliant.

I prefer normal short stories.

Yeah... the knock, knock variety.

Those, too.

You didn't like the play, either.

I only yawned twice.

Well, then you hated it.

Look, it's late. Let's get some sleep.

I can sleep on the airplane.

With all those mad Greeks dancing in the aisles?

Wanna go for a record?

For Christ's sake, Sian, it's nearly daybreak.

- Come on... - You know what your trouble is?

You think I'm like those super studs in your novels.

I'm not. I'm a real, 42-year-old, overworked guy,

and once is enough after a long day in the mines.

What are you complaining about?

You're gonna have the whole weekend alone.

Do you hear that?

- The Goodyear Blimp? - The Goodyear Blimp.

- "Bon Voyage" at daybreak? - Mm-hmm.

Honey, I'd give my right arm for a man like that.

And my left for the blimp.

You are a hopeless romantic.

And you're too hard-nosed.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I really am a man, Frances.

I mean, I don't like long relationships, you know?

I love adventure.

What's wrong with that, eh, babe?

- Sounds like you need this trip. - No, I need to play!

- It's gonna be a lot of long, hard work. - If I know you, you'll find time to play.

In a 2,000-year-old town?

You don't fool me, Sian, darling. You'll play.

Even if you have to do it with a ghost.

Mmm...

I will miss you.

We'll see.

Just promise me that you won't be nosy and you'll stay out of trouble this time.

Well, being in the wrong place at the worst possible time is in my blood.

You know what they say about you, don't you?

"Ballsy little wench." Yeah, yeah.

I shouldn't have put a man's name on my books.

Yes, Cal?

What about your landlord?

What about him?

"Elias" doesn't sound very Anglo-Saxon. Are you sure he speaks English?

Well, if he doesn't, my sign language is fluent.

You'll promise to call?

The moment I miss you.

That sounds like a vague promise.

I'm staying at Jane's the first night

and then the next morning I'm gonna leave for Monemvasia.

- Monem...? - Monemvasia.

- I can't even Say it. -Mmm. It's OK.

You never won a spelling bee, either.

'Any passengers holding tickets

'for Pan Am flight 151 non-stop to San Francisco,

'your plane is now boarding at gate number 14.

'Pan Am flight 120 non-stop to London

'is now in the final boarding stage at gate number 171.'

Lovely, isn't she? Quite a Mecca, you know.

Sixty thousand people used to live here in the old days.

They built their houses one on top of the other.

Underground passages for protection.

Attacking warships, you see.

The natives got sick and tired of getting shells for breakfast.

- Was she ever taken? - Only once, since 375 AD.

It's not a bad record, is it?

The attackers cut the supply lines.

Monemvasia means "only one access".

- I thought you were Greek. - Hal Very amusing.

"Elias" isn't exactly English, but not Greek.

Good heavens! Anything but Greek.

The name is Appleby, dear girl.

I'm sorry you have to carry your own luggage, dear girl.

I've never carried a lady's luggage in my life.

I'm a feminist. I believe if women want to be liberated,

they must learn to carry their own luggage,

and open their own automobile doors.

In any case, I'm too old to carry anything.

- It's quite all right. - What was that?

I wonder, dear, if you'd mind walking on the other side?

I'm a bit deaf.

I wear my hearing aid on the right.

- Is this any better? - Yes, dear. Much better, thank you, yes.

Where was I? Oh yes, of course.

I married a Greek woman, you know.

The great thing about being married to a Greek woman

- is she never complains. - That's lovely.

Well, not that I'd understand if she did, you know.

She's never learnt English and I've never learnt Greek.

I think too much communication destroys a relationship.

Maybe you're right.

I'm always right, dear girl.

Here she Is.

1,700 years old, and still looking marvelous.

Half of it is mine.

I'm impressed.

You should be, dear girl.

I came here first during the war.

One of the many wars the Greeks have had in the last 40 years.

They occupy so much of their time fighting, you know,

that bloody foreigners like myself can come here and buy the land for a song.

When I first saw this place, I almost had an orgasm.

Forgive the expression.

It made such a strong impression on me

that I promised myself one day I'd own it.

Do you believe in ghosts, dear girl?

- I've never seen one. - Neither have I.

But at times like this, I feel them passing by.

Ghosts, shadows, memories of the past...

I didn't think you'd be a poet.

I'm not. I fake it.

At heart, I'm just an old cynic.

Oh! Would you believe it?

What a mess.

Incompetent bastard.

He never does what he's told.

The handyman.

This is my house, you know.

I don't usually rent it to strangers,

but I understand you're quite famous.

I'm afraid I haven't read your books.

The travel agent told me about them.

A bit pulpy, eh?

Don't be ashamed, dear girl. It's a living.

Don't worry about the mess.

I'll have that idiot clear it up.

Meanwhile, I'd better start the generator.

There is an entrance downstairs, through the house,

but I'm afraid I don't fit.

I shall have to go in through the back door.

The archaeological society is very strict about this town,

keeping it as it was.

No electric lights allowed.

- Apparently no people, either. - What was that, dear?

Don't mumble, you're on the wrong side.

This place is like a ghost town. Where is everybody?

Oh, spending their money.

You may find it very difficult to believe

but we get an awful lot of tourists here in the summer.

The merchants make a fortune.

Then they go to Switzerland.

They come back and work like dogs.

Bloody peasants, the lot of them.

Do you live here?

I prefer the city life.

I shall be driving back tomorrow, once I've looked after you.

You've more than taken care of me, Mr. Appleby.

I can explore the rest of the house myself.

If you want anything,

my number is in the little book by the telephone.

I shall be spending the night in the village.

I don't care for driving after dark.

That's my wife.

She was an actress.

- Would you like me to take these? - Oh, no. No need.

She'll keep me company.

Thank you for the use of your house.

Thank me? \Whatever for?

I'm charging you a pretty penny, dear girl.

Oh, remember the wind.

This isn't Chicago.

The wind can be very dangerous at this time of the year.