The Middle

Sue, get out of my shower!

I'm not gonna wait anymore!

I got to get to work!

Can't!

Axl's hogging up our bathroom, and I want to look good today.

Carly and I are gonna try to start a flash mob in the cafeteria.

Ooh.

Someone's gonna sell a car today.

Heh, how about you put some of that hilarious energy into making lunches?

Ugh.

This dishwasher's getting worse.

I think it's actually putting food on.

Uh, mom?

How long have you known about this?

I don't even know what that is.

Why aren't you dressed?

It's some kind of catalog called "Chow Down Chicago,"

where you can order food and they'll deliver it to you... from Chicago.

Can I have it?

Sure, whatever. Knock yourself out. Just get dressed.

Thank you.

What did he get?

What did you just give him?

Stupid old catalog.

I want an old catalog.

Axl, what is the matter with you?

We do not put shoes where we serve food.

Hey!

Whoa!

Watch the hat!

I've been working this hat all summer to arrive at the optimum

level of awesomeness-- the shape of the brim, the degree

of fade-age, and look-- it gives me the perfect amount of skull room.

Yeah, that's a waste of space.

Oh, my God.

Let me see that.

Pam Staggs is gonna be on "Wheel Of Fortune"?

Hmm.

How'd she get on the "wheel?"

I know she moved to St. Louis a while ago.

Do you think she went to Hollywood, or did the "Wheel"

come to St. Louis?

They do that sometimes.

How'd Pam Staggs I went to high school with get on the "Wheel?"

I'd like to solve the puzzle.

Who cares?

It's the "Wheel," Mike.

She could win a fortune in cash and prizes.

Wow.

Pam Staggs.

She was a cheerleader, always carried a lesportsac.

She had "pong" before anybody.

Ah, "pong."

Okay, everybody?

Listen up.

Tonight I'm rushing home, and between 7:30 and 8:00, that tv is mine.

Don't even think about watching my tv.

Here.

I got to take a shower.

If I'm gonna sneak out an hour early, I can't be more than an hour late.

Holy crap.

Pam freaking Staggs is on the "Wheel."

Hey there, frances.

Oh.

I was just getting ready to head out.

I have something I need to--

Let me ask you something, frances.

Say you're me, and your wife is asking you to go out to dinner

with your brother-in-law you can't stand.

You work hard.

Well, not you, frances.

I mean me, in the story.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Let me give you the back-story on this guy.

- About 10 years ago... - Tv's mine!

Tell me I didn't miss it, tell me I didn't miss it.

Mom, do we want our wrigley field popcorn bonanza filled

with caramel corn or spicy ranchero?

Shh!

No food talk right now, brick.

Okay?

I'm starving, I'm dirty, and I wanna watch the "Wheel."

I'm gonna have to call you back, Carol.

Yes!

Food!

Mmm.

Ohh.

Seriously?

I just bought this yesterday.

I just bought this yesterday!

Mom.

Shh.

Hang on, Sue. She's about to solve the puzzle.

Oh, my God.

Did you just eat that?

Relax. Hmm?

There's hardly any left.

- You know, when I buy the good snacks-- - Axl clipped his toenails in there.

The chip bag.

Axl clipped his toenails in the chip bag!

You just ate Axl's toenails!

I just what?

Aah!

Oh, God!

Animal!

What happened?

What's going on?

Mom ate Axl's toenails.

What is wrong with you people?!

Damn it, Axl!

What?!

Mom ate your toenails!

Seriously?

You clip your toenails into a chip bag?

Who does that?

What the hell is the matter with you?!

What?!

You yell at me when I leave 'em on the table.

You yell at me when I leave 'em in the chip bag!

God!

There's no pleasing you people!

What's going on?

Mom's wigging out 'cause she ate my toenails.

What?

Axl clipped his toenails into a chip bag, and mom ate 'em.

Stop saying it out loud!

What?

Axl, you what?

It's your fault, Axl.

Why'd you even clip your toenails into a stupid chip bag?

I'm not the one on trial here!

Why don't you ask mom why she ate them?

Yeah.

That's actually a good question.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe my life was going too well, and I just wanted to feel

a little less human.

Ugh!

I can still taste it on my tongue.

You know what might get the taste out?

This Chicago bluesberry cheesecake sampler.

I don't want to hear it!

Okay, all right, everybody calm down.

Axl, apologize to your mother.

Why should I apologize to her?

She ate my toenails one time.

We eat her cooking every day.

I'm not laughing.

This isn't funny.

Pam Staggs, you just won a million dollars!

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.

A million?

Okay.

I'm leaving.

What?

Dad.

Come on, Frankie.

You heard me. Get out of my way.

I'm leaving.

- Mom... - Come on.

Where you gonna go?

Anywhere but here, that's for sure.

Stop it.

Come on.

What-- what are you doing?

Everybody's sorry.

Very, very sorry.

Good to hear.

Still going.

You know, I don't know where I'm going, but I will tell you this.

There are gonna be some major changes around here-- Major changes.

- Frankie... - Major...

Changes.

Oh, my God.

Mom left.

She left.

What just happened here?

I don't know.

Mom ate some toenails and took off.

Who knows what her problem is?

Can she do that?

Dad, is she allowed to do that?

Look, your mom's had an experience.

She's obviously feeling something here, and she probably just needs to cool off

a little.

And we're just gonna let her go?

Oh, my God.

Why are we just standing here?

We need to go find her and bring her back.

Mom's gone.

She's gone.

Our mother is gone!

She's not gone.

She's only got 12 bucks in her purse.

She can't get very far.

Actually, $10.

$8.

$6.50.

I want her back.

I don't want to be a broken home.