The Studio

I am so excited about watching this film.

It's so weird that the first time we're seeing the movie

it's essentially already finished.

Yeah, that's what happens when you're a final-cut director

like Ron Howard, you know?

You win two Oscars, you make some movie that made billions of dollars,

- you can kinda do whatever you want. - Oh, God. I love final-cut screenings.

I don't have to give notes.

We're not gonna need to give notes. This shit's gonna be perfect.

- I love Ron Howard. - Yeah.

- A Beautiful Mind . - Oh, yeah.

When you realize that Paul Bettany is imaginary, my head exploded.

That is a plot twist! Fuck M. Night Shyamalan.

Yeah. It's s-such a good plot twist.

All right, fam! Let's roll this shit!

So effin' pumped. Ronald Howard movies are a fucking mood.

And then a fucking action movie.

We've got Anthony Mackie.

He's gonna bring in that young, hip audience.

I'm obsessed with Anthony Mackie.

Then you've got Dave Franco.

He's gonna line up those ladies moister than an oyster.

Please do not say that.

Okay, can we dim the fucking lights, please?

I got a meeting with the D'Amelios after this.

- Let's do this thing! - These happy days are ours, bitches!

Let's go.

- Drive! Hey! Drive! - Hey. Whoa, take it easy.

- Hey, I don't know where you're going. - Fucking anywhere! Just fucking go, man!

- All right. There's no need to yell. - Just fucking drive!

- Mother-- Oh, shit! - Fuck!

- Fucking drive, man! - Look, I don't-- Oh!

- Oh, shit! -

Go!

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

- -

- Oh, shit! - Oh, shit!

Find me that fucking cab.

- Yeah! Are you kidding me! - Okay, Ron! Okay!

- That is how you start a movie. - Wow.

- Yes. - Pretty fucking good.

Okay.

- Just pull the bullet out of my gut. - I'm not doing that.

I'll give you $10,000!

You're a dumbass! I could wait for you to die and take the whole thing.

I'd fucking kill you if you did that!

- Please, help! - All right, fine.

All right. Let me go across the street to the dim sum spot,

- get some chopsticks. - Yeah. Get me some shrimps. I'm starving.

Don't forget the fortune cookies!

This is playing a lot funnier than I thought it was going to.

Yeah. This shit slaps.

You and me, we're not so different.

Got people we loved.

People we let down.

People we lost.

But it ain't over for us.

Okay, just because we did bad

doesn't mean we can't still do some good.

- -

Get out of the car!

There's no way out!

Don't even think about it!

Fuck it.

Fuck yeah!

- No way! No way! - No.

- What a fucking ending! That was unreal. - What just happened? What?

- That was incredible. - Oscars!

- That's Ron Howard's best movie. - One of the best endings I've ever seen.

- I am stunned. I'm stunned. - Wait. There's more, there's more.

- Okay, let me sit. - Amazing.

Ooh.

Yeah, this is a little, uh...

- Just a little... Just a little PS. - ...a little motel tag. Postscript.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, my God. It's the kid from the picture.

["If You Could Read My Mind" playing on screen]

Oh, fuck. It's finally over.

- What the fuck was that, huh? - I don't know.

- Okay, it's definitely long. - Yeah!

But a lot of movies are long these days, you know?

Like, the last Marvel movie I saw was three fucking hours--

Marvel movie? This was not a three-hour fucking superhero movie. Okay?

That motel sequence? What the fuck was that, man?

There were no, like, monsters or fights or Deadpools.

It was just people fucking staring at each other.

Yeah, it's too long.

You gotta be delulu if you think people are gonna watch that.

This is gonna make my job fucking impossible

'cause it's gonna destroy word of mouth.

Wait, is this the final cut?

No, Ron's still tweaking with a few little things.

Great. So you can give him that note to cut

that fucking interminable motel sequence.

Uh-huh. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

- Wait, what? Why are you acting so weird? - What?

- Are you delulu? - No, I'm not delulu.

Hey, I think that motel sequence sucks, okay?

- O-Okay. Okay. - Yeah.

Well, Ron is coming by at one o'clock for a marketing meeting.

Just gonna show him some early poster concepts.

Just pop by and give him the note then.

Okay, well, before we start giving legendary directors notes willy-nilly,

we should drill down. You know, make sure it's actually like a very valid note.

I mean, now that I think about it, maybe that motel sequence,

maybe it's not that bad, right?

- Oh, it's bad. It's bad. - What? Dude, it's terrible.

- And if you cut it, the movie is perfect. - It's bad.

Well, maybe we're just not getting it.

Ron is a very thoughtful filmmaker.

So-So-So the kid is Anthony Mackie's character's dead son,

so it's like a visual metaphor for... for his dead son?

No, no, no. It's obviously a dream sequence.

- He was a ghost. - A ghost?

The kid was a ghost.

We can't even agree on what the fuck it means.

That is the clear sign that this movie is wack as fuck.

It's true.

You seem to have a good handle on this thing...

Yeah, I do.

...so maybe you should give Ron the note in the meeting. You know?

Oh, hell no, bitch.

No, you-you... A director is not gonna fucking take a note from marketing. Matt...

I'm sorry. What is the problem?

Isn't Ron Howard famously the nicest man in Hollywood?

Well, that's the thing... is... you know.

He actually has a reputation for being very nice and humble.

But I've heard from, you know, sources,

that he is actually, like, a mean, vindictive asshole.

- Ron Howard? Name your source. - What?

That's what I've heard. That's wh... I don't wanna... I...

That's what I heard, okay?

Oh, okay. Does he get mean sometimes?

- Does Opie get mean? - He gets mean.

- Why are you acting weird about this? - I'm not acting weird about it.

You give brutal studio notes all the time.

And it's usually to people who hate you.

But Ron Howard actually seems to fucking like you.

- Yeah, I'd like to keep it that way, huh. - Dude.

Look, I'll give him the note, okay? Fine.

- I'll just give him the note. - He's coming at 1:00.

Okay, I'll give him the note at 1:00.

Ron Howard is in the lobby.

Oh, shit. He's-He's 15 minutes early.

Should I tell him to leave?

No, that's okay. I'll-I'll-I'll come down and say hi in a minute.

Ron.

- Oh, hey. Hey. - Hey.

- Great to see you. - Likewise.

Just wanted to tell you in person how much we adored the film.

It's so good, man. And we're so lucky to have you on our team here.

- Well, thank you. That's so kind. - Yeah, no, my pleasure.

Well, you know, I've, uh... I've been showing it to people and stuff,

and, uh, been getting some very encouraging feedback.

That's great. Hey, I love feedback. Yeah.

- Well, as long as it's good, right? - Exactly. Good feedback.

- That's the best feedback. - Hell, yeah.

- Hell, yeah. - Yeah.

So, uh, what, you-you got any feedback?

Yeah, uh, actually I do.

Um... and that is...

- you rule, man. - Oh.

There's my feedback. You rule.

- I'll take that all day long. - I'll give it all day.

Yeah, great. Awesome. There you go. All right.

I just gotta run back upstairs real quick. I... I'll see you in the meeting.

- I gotta make a call anyway. - Great. You do that.

I'll see you in a sec.

Oh, fuck. Sorry! Sorry. Sorry about that.

- How'd it go? - Really good.

- Really good? - Uh-huh.

- What happened? - Uh, we talked. It went well.

- Hey, what's the D? - The D is, uh, all gravy.

- It's all gravy? - Uh-huh.

- Yeah. - What does that mean?

It means we talked and it was... it was very, very nice.

Uh, you didn't tell him, did you?

- Did you give him the note? - You told him, right?

No, look at his pussy-ass face. He didn't say shit.

I opted out of delivering the note.

- There you go. - Jesus Christ.

I decided it was not prudent of me to do it.

- What? Why? - Because I'm known as being

the most talent-friendly studio head in all of Hollywood.

And I decided, strategically, it was not worth risking that reputation.

- I don't think you have that reputation. - What are you talking about?

It is literally your job to do this. We need this movie to work.

I can't sell this never-ending snory. Nailed it.

Here's what you don't understand, that I have now grown, too, as a leader.

You know, you do not send your general out to the front lines to die.

The strategically smart thing to do is you send in expendable cannon fodder.

Sal, you fucking do it.

- I'm not cannon fodder. Fuck you! - Fuck you. You are!

- I'm not doing it. I can't do it. - I think he should. You got to.

I was sleeping during the motel sequence.

You were fucking texting. You text and sleep at the same fucking time?

- Yes, I do. I sleep like that. - ...absolute bullshit.

I will fucking do it. I will do it. I will do it, okay?

Because, unlike you guys, I'm not a bitch.

I don't care if Ron Howard likes me.