Legit

So, we're walking on the pier.

It was beautiful. It was perfect.

The sun was going down. She looked amazing.

I kiss her.

Best kiss ever. Hands down.

And then two black people walk by,

and she says the N-word.

W-what?

Like the N-word, N-word?

Is there another N-word? She just said the N-word.

No, how did she say it?

Like Paula Deen and Kramer talking in a car.

Wow!

Have you had sex with her yet?

No.

Why not?

'Cause she's racist, and I... I really like her.

So, I'm trying to wait.

Aw, Jim's in love with a racist.

I'm not in love with a racist.

I like a girl who happens to be a racist.

Look, Jim.

If you really like her, just talk to her.

But why does she have be racist?

Maybe it's just black people.

She hate Hispanics and Arabs and Jews, too?

Maybe she shaves her pubes into a Hitler 'stache!

Heil, pussy!

Pussolini!

Do not call my girlfriend's pussy a dictator.

Maybe she's got Tourette's.

Wouldn't that be great?

Why do people give that word so much power anyway?

Black people call each other that all the time.

Call each other what?

What? When... What, now? Sorry.

Black people call each other what?

Yeah, Steve.

What do black people call each other?

Don't.

Steve?

Brother, s-sister, homeboy.

Blood?

That wasn't what y'all were talking about.

I really like Billy's blanket.

It's very FDR.

Whatever.

Maybe I can change her.

Now you're talking crazy.

Steve? Steve?

I know, no drinking before dark.

It's a stupid rule.

Not a stupid rule. It's a good rule.

You pinched the mail lady's ass.

She's so hot, though.

Yeah, but we need our mail, dickhead.

Hello, ma'am!

Welcome to discount save and sell.

Here's a basket for you. Nice tube top.

Good choice for you today, huh?

Yeah, who cares what society thinks?

Good for you. You be comfortable!

Great G-string.

Yeah, take your time, sir. We're open till 9:00.

Good to see you're getting out!

Huh?

Oh, you know, so close to death and all.

Get out there, buddy. Live!

Screw you, asshole.

Walter, what's going on here?

He just said I was near death, this asshole.

Sir, very sorry.

Uh, here's a coupon for 20% off your visit today.

That guy just gave me the finger.

What's wrong with people today?

- Walter? - Huh?

Can I see you in my office?

- How do I look? - I don't know.

You should try something in white.

You have a sheet?

That's her. Behave.

Got it... don't offend the racist.

- Hey, guys. - Hi, Walter.

- Hey, dad. - Hey, Jimmy.

So, thought I'd stop by to celebrate.

Celebrate what?

My retirement!

Yeah?

Yeah. No more rat race for me.

No, sirree, Bob.

So, how about a beer?

Screw the beer! Let's do shots!

Oh, there you go!

Ohh.

What do you say, guys?

Let's go on a pub crawl, huh?

I'm in.

Huh? Huh? Huh? Jim?

Not for me. I got a date tonight.

Oh, yeah? Who's the lucky lass?

Sara, with an "a."

Yeah, dad. You know Sara. She's Danny's sister.

Oh, right, the bigot!

You... you know?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm used to it.

You know, your mother she gets racial.

Oy, give her a snoot full, my God.

- Oh, she has it in for the Irish. - Dad, what is the point?

We all have flaws, all I'm saying.

All my flaws together don't equal racism.

Jim, it's okay to want more out of your life.

But you're at the danger point of having too much freedom.

You get so set in your ways

you'll never gonna have any meaning in your life.

You lucky bastard, you.

Where you taking her?

Uh, I'm hoping that she'll be happy to stay here.

Oh.

So I can keep the date

in a controlled environment where it's... white.

Good thinking. But do not watch television.

There's an inordinate amount of commercials

featuring Afro-Americans.

The ratio is way out of proportion

to their actual existence in the populace.

What's out of proportion in the populace?

- Well, the coloreds. - Hey!

- Hey! - Sara's here!

Come in. Come in. Come in. Come in.

Okay, Sara, this is, uh, Walt, obviously.

You know Steve.

- Billy. - Hi, Sara.

Hi.

Sara, have you ever met... Ramona?

Yes, we've met. Hello.

Hi.

Well, what do you say, guys? Let's go!

Go on our pub crawl!

Yeah, Ramona. You're coming with us, right?

I'll never turn down a drink.

Pub crawl! Wahoo! Yay!

Ramona? Ramona, you're coming with us.

There you go. You get a free drink on me.

We have a kitchen here. All right.

Hey, give me a shot.

Yeah, good call. Good call.

How about, uh, three... no, four jaegermeisters?

And another good call.

Yes, jaegermeister! Ha...

This guy looks like Todd.

Shut up, Ste...

Wow! He does look like Todd!

Son, any man who takes a woman off your hands

is doing you a favor.

Not Todd, dad.

Not Todd.

Gah, ge... go... food.

Mnh!

All right.

- $26.44. - Hey. All right.

Yeah, you keep that change there.

Hey, hey. Yeah.

Who was that?

Uh, delivery... guy.

This guy keeps looking at me.

Huh?

Ah, shit.

Steve's got the gaze.

Yeah, you're right. Well, I'm a peaceful guy.

But if you want to crack him one, you go right ahead.

- I got your back. - Me too.

No, no. Stop encouraging him.

You got a problem?

Problem? Nope.

Yeah? You're gonna have a problem.

- Oh, yeah? - A big problem.

- Why? - Because you're looking at me.

Me, too.

I'm looking at you 'cause you're looking at me.

- Which came first? - Nobody knows.

Can I piss now?

Yeah, you go piss.

Yeah. Go make pee-pee with your little girly vajayjay.

Sara.

You're... so beautiful.

It... um...

I, um... This is hard for me.

I've been wanting to say this to you for a while,

and I just haven't gotten the guts up to say it.

The other day, when we were walking along the pier,

and we kissed, and...

Stop. I think I know what you're gonna say.

Oh, good.

And I felt it, too.

I think about you all the time.

And I know it's crazy and really, really fast, but...

we have this huge thing in common...

Yeah, but...

This thing that nobody understands.

Mm-hmm.