Fisk

- - Ooh!

- Hello. - Welcome to Blendology.

Finally. A new cafe.

OK, I'm going to have a small latte, takeaway please.

We don't actually do coffee.

Oh, yes, you do, it's Melbourne. I think it's the law.

Everyone does coffee. Sushi bars do coffee.

The carwash does coffee. You do coffee. Come on!

We're actually a blended beverage bar.

We focus on health and wellness.

Wellness. Is that even a thing?

Mm-hm.

I'm Melcome. Hi, Malcolm.

- Melcome. - Yeah, that's what I said.

You said 'Malcolm', as in 'talcum'.

It's Melcome, as in 'welcome'.

Oh, OK. Well, hello, Melcome, as in welcome.

I'm Helen, as in smellin'. That's not…

You could try a Kale to the Chief or a Total Nut Job.

That's a bit of fun.

Or a number 12, the Berry Good Time.

Yeah, alright, I'll have a number 12.

A Berry Good Time? Yes, one of those.

Fantastic. And what base would you like?

You could have nut mylk, soy mylk, oat mylk, rice mylk.

Nut mylk.

Almond, macadamia, coconut, cashew?

I could do you a blend.

Hmm.

- Morning, Captain. - Hi, Helen!

- Doing some pre-flight checks? - What?

What's this? Oh, it's my gaming headset.

Patched it into the phone system.

- Ah, you're a bit of a gamer? - I don't really like the word gamer.

Let's just say I've extensive Rubble Runner knowledge.

- Is Rubble Runner a game? - More a demolition simulator.

You operate machinery, knock stuff down, blow stuff up.

That actually sounds strangely satisfying.

I'm live-streaming a demolition tonight. Are you on Twitch?

Nah, I'm not really looking to meet anyone.

It's a streaming service. I'll sign you up so you can watch me.

Watch you pretend to demolish something?

Yeah, how about I pretend to watch you?

Funny. But also a bit ignorant.

- Morning. - Ooh, hello.

Now, don't forget we have staff training tonight, you two.

Oh, no, I can't, Roz. I've got my live-stream event.

- Alright, you're excused. - Yeah, can I be excused, too?

'Cause I'm helping George with his live-stream event.

- No, you're not. - Why would you not help me?

Good. 5pm in the meeting room.

Lindy Baxter Smythe from Topline Mediation is coming in.

- How good are the blended beverages? - Mmm! I'm loving them.

Oh, I'm having a Greengasm.

Yuck! Greengasm?

Why would you not say that I can help you in your streaming?

- I can help. - What would you do?

I… I would work the mouse.

Oh, come on.

- Why would you put it here? - Now, don't have a fit.

It's not staying in here forever.

When have I ever had a fit?

It's moving to the archive room

as soon as we can work out how to get it in there.

Why can't it go in reception?

I can't have a photocopier roaring away in reception.

It's a public space.

I can't have it roaring away in here either, Roz. It's a private space.

My private space.

I just said don't have a fit, and now here you are, fitting.

Where's your bin?

Hey, there's a lot of heat coming off that thing. Is that normal?

Mm, I think so.

Now do you need me to take you through how to use it?

I really don't. I'm good. I can work it out for myself.

Oh, welcome. Come on in…

- George, what do you think? - Yeah, it's massive. Is it vintage?

- Roz in here? - Everyone's in here.

Hello. Look at this beast.

Yeah. Roz bought a new aircraft carrier.

It's the HP Docufast M90.

Thought we were going to get a compact copier.

- That would have been sensible. - We were, but then…

I found this one on Gumtree.

Well, you know I love a bargain.

Speaking of which, you still watching

the Queen Anne armoire on eBay?

Yes. Auction ends 3pm.

Hey, maybe we could take the water cooler chat out to the water cooler.

Or does anyone need another blended beverage?

14 bucks for a nut juice? I don't think so.

Jeez, Fisk, you might want to slow down

on the old breakfast milkshakes.

There's a shit-tonne of calories in those things.

Ray, don't fat-shame. Not in this office.

And, go.

Go.

Oh. There you go, Georgie. Well done.

Webmaster, you coming?

Leslie. Good to see you again.

This is our webmaster, George.

- -What have you got there? - Oh, don't say Greengasm.

It's a Greengasm, with ginkgo bilbobo.

- I feel really focused. - Mm-hm?

I'm not sure I even need these.

Sorry, it's really hot in my office.

OK, what can I do for you?

Oh, right, we're straight into it.

I've barely sat down.

How are you, Helen?

Uh. I'm a bit hot, but you know, otherwise, I'm OK.

Mmm.

And how are you, Leslie?

I'm fine. Mmm?

You know, still struggling with Mum gone.

For your loss, Leslie. Losing a loved one is really difficult.

Thank you. Oh, I have good days, and bad days.

Yeah. So why don't we try and turn this into one of the good days?

What can I do for you?

Oh, well, Keith Budge is contesting Mum's will.

- Right. - Yeah.

Who's Keith Budge?

He's the tenant that rents the little granny flat

out the back of Mum's place.

OK, well you can't kick him out. This says he has a two-year lease.

Yeah, I told Mum, "Don't sign anything."

Oh, but would she listen? No, because what would I know?

It's like when I said, "Don't answer the landline, Mum.

"Nobody calls on that but scammers and telemarketers" you know?

So, what exactly is the problem?

Right, well, this Mr Keith Budge

says Mum promised to leave him money in her will.

- Well, she didn't. - I know.

But could you tell him that, please?

Because he is making a real pest of himself with,

"Oh, where's my money? Your mum promised me some money."

And I say, "Listen, Keith Budge, you listen to me, because…"

Yeah. Hey, do you want me to talk to Keith Budge?

I could talk to him right now and sort this out.

Have you got this number?

- I'll give him a call. - Yes, yes, of course I have, yes.

Oh, gosh, the ginkgo bilbobo's worn off.

Ah, there it is.

Alright.

Keith Budge? I represent Leslie Slade.

And I wish to inform you that no provision has been made for you

in her mother's will.

In layman's terms, that means no money for you, mister.

That's right.

Thank you very much.

All good?

Nope. He's lawyered up.

Alright, here we go.

Ink strength. 50% should do it.

A4 paper, and go.

How are you going with the new copier?

Oh, my God, Helen, you're all sweaty and ruddy in the face.

Did you go out for a jog? In your suit?

No. Roz, it's the photocopier. Can't you feel it?

It's giving off the most ferocious heat.

It is quite warm in here. Maybe we should get a fan.

Oh, yes, please.

I don't want this copier overheating.

Ooh, look, done already.

- Oh, you know it scans, too? - Yep.

Let me show you. No, thank you.

Where shall we scan to? Someone else's office.

Great idea. Reception.

Yes, now you go and check. Make sure it comes through.

Alright, here I go.

Scanning. [beeping

No, I'm not. I'm not scanning.

Here, I'm scanning.

- I'm not scanning! - Have you got a sec, Ray?

Yeah, make it quick. Leave the door open, Fisk.

I had a cabbage soup last night. I'm trying to shift a few pounds.

I've got a reunion coming up.

Getting together with the boys from the old firm -

Dodge, Hawk and Prowsie.

- Where's that? Is that in Sydney? - What?

- Dodge, Hawk and Prowsie. - No, they're the guys.

The firm was Walker & Associates.

Dodge, Hawk and Prowsie. And let me guess, who were you?

Were you Grubes? Grubbo? Grub-a-Dub-Dub? GrubeTube?

- Stinger. - I don't… How does that work?

- Ray. Stingray. Stinger. - Wow.

Wish I went to private boys' school.

Really don't, Fisk. What do you need?

I need the photocopier out of my office.

What's going on with your face?

You're all red, like an angry emow-ji.

Honestly, I think the photocopier's core is melting down.

It's radiating immense heat.

I'm pretty sure it's not nuclear powered, Fisk.

I can't concentrate

with people coming in and out of my office all day.

Tell me about it. Take it up with Roz.

- Ugh. - Take what up with Roz?

Oh, for God's sake, you're not still having a fit about the photocopier?

Stop saying 'having a fit.' You're not allowed to say that.