Doc Martin

Are you absolutely positive everything's all right?

You're fine. Get dressed.

You wouldn't take another look? Nope.

Just to make sure.

We're finished here.

"Hello?" No offence, but you are a man.

And I don't know that you know that much about...

I know more about it than you do.

Doc, I think it would be better for us all if you sent me to a specialist.

When there's actually anything wrong, I'll be only too pleased to. I think - Good day.

Kept me waiting 20 minutes. Put that cigarette out.

Doc?

We're here. Mm.

Here he is. Here's Daddy.

All right, Doc? About time too. I've been calling you.

I know you have. It's just, you know...

my duty to get you down that aisle on time.

You are not my best man. Let's not put a title on it, eh?

I thought you were getting changed. I did.

Doc. Now, can I give you a word of advice?

No. Something that my father used to -

Really, no. Well, I think I've said all I have to say on the subject.

Yes, you have. But as one of your last few surviving relatives -

Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh! All right.

Is she here yet? She's on her way.

Probably. Don't worry about a thing, Doc. Just get yourself inside, eh?

Doc? Wait.

Bet you thought I'd forgotten, right?

Thank you.

15 minutes late. That's not... that's not long for a bride.

I know. Mind you, about a month ago,

we had a man standing right there...

15 minutes, 30,

an hour, two hours.

I think we hit three before the penny dropped.

Apparently, she'd run off with the best man.

Don't have to worry about that with me, Doc.

Would you... sit down, please?

Wedding March from Lohengrin

Sorry. Had a bit of trouble with my hair.

Oh. I know. I mean...

It's... it's all right.

- Who are all these people? - Guests.

Barely deloved...

we are gathered here... today...

to bless the joining of this man and woman in holy matrimony.

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly...

but reverently.

Which means you have to be sure.

We are.

Both of you?

Yes.

If anyone present can show just cause

why they should not be lawfully married,

speak now, or forever hold your peace.

'Out of the mouths of babes...'

In which case...

Do you, Louisa Roberta Glasson

take Martin Christopher Ellingham

to be your lawful wedded husband?

Yes. I do.

And do you, Martin Ellingham - Yes, I do.

Hm. Does the best man have the ring?

No.

With this ring I thee -

Yes. Right. We're not quite ready for the putting on the finger bit. But er...

Apparently, we are!

So, by the power invested in me,

I now pronounce you... man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Oh, Ruth, thank you.

I can't believe I'm married.

Do I look married? Now you do!

A day to remember.

Katy, you made it.

Not quite up to our standard, boy. Pretty tasty, though.

Crooked as a dog's hind leg.

Thought I'd er... come over and pay my respects, Doc.

Thank you.

You've got a real beauty there.

Yes. I need you to have a look at my leg.

It's er... it's been clicking. For God's sake. Of course not!

Make an appointment!

I'm not drunk. Who said I was drunk?

Why did you invite Chippy Miller?

He's hardly a close friend. I didn't invite him.

In fact, a lot of people here weren't invited.

Well, we'd better move them on, then.

No, it's nice them showing up. They're wishing us well.

It's nice. They're not thinking about us.

They're thinking about free food and cider.

Well, it's the way things work round here, Martin.

You might've wanted a nice, quiet reception. But the village didn't.

If they're so determined to have a party, why don't we just leave them to it?

You have been to a wedding before, haven't you?

There's the cake-cutting and the dancing to go yet.

Just a bit longer. Yes, OK.

Ladies and gentlemen?

Hello?!

Today... a great man...

a great physician...

and the greatest thing to happen to Portwenn

since the new parking area at the beach...

married - You're a loser! Get off!

Married... one of our natural treasures.

Louisa Glasson.

There were a few roadblocks and diversions en route.

And a quick stopover at the maternity ward.

But happily, they have arrived at their destination.

Oh, please! Siddown! Shh!

Back in 1984...

Tina Turner asked the question...

What's love got to do... got to do with it?

And the answer is...

Bert? Bert, I haven't finished my speech.

Go on, Doc!

But I... I got some good jokes.

I think that's meant for us. Is it mandatory?

You don't have to if you don't want to, Martin.

Sailing

I may be a touch rusty.

I learnt at school. It was compulsory.

That was your foot! Sorry. It's been a while.

It's OK. Sorry.

Did you have dance lessons when you were a child?

No.

I thought not.

What?

They're plotting. Oh, God. I hope it's nothing embarrassing.

Why don't we leave, while we still can? Yes. Good.

Ah. You are not gonna get off that easy, my lovers.

We have a surprise for you.

Can't have a wedding without a honeymoon.

Martin! Was this your idea? Absolutely not.

So we have all chipped in and you'll be whisked away in this fabulous vehicle

to a luxury vacation with all the trimmings.

And I'm perfectly capable of looking after him.

Oh, Ruth. I... I don't know.

It's only for one night, dear.

He won't feel you've abandoned him. And even if he does,

he's far too young to remember any of it.

Oh. Just one night?

Bags all packed and ready to go. In the boot.

What, you've been in our bedroom? Rifling through your ironed boxer shorts!

What? And Large Restaurant has donated a fully stocked hamper

to get your honeymoon night off with a bang, Doc.

Oh! Martin? Can we?

If... if you...

If you really want to. Quick! Before he changes his mind.

Bye-bye, James. Now, Ruth, thank you so much.

Now, listen. There's food in the fridge.

He likes banana custard. But don't give him the spoon, or you'll be sorry.

He's not been sleeping very well. Yes, dear. You've already told me.

You might want to try a vigorous rocking motion.

No, not too... not too hard, though.

And he loves his purple dinosaur. It's the little one on the bed. Yes.

Mind your dress. Bye!

Doc, I didn't finish my speech. I've got this great joke.

This man goes to the doctor. He says, 'Doctor, Doctor...'

'..I think I need glasses.'

Doc?

So, Bert. Where are you taking us? You two lovebirds just sit back and enjoy the ride.

This is your day. Just tell us where we're going, Bert.

I don't want to ruin the surprise, Doc.

Let's just say it's the most romantic spot in all Cornwall.

It comes with a Bert Large stamp of approval.

That doesn't exactly fill me with confidence! 'Ere.

I had my honeymoon in this lodge. That's how deep the personal guarantee goes.

Oh, right. So we're staying in a lodge.

Great! That's the surprise ruined.

Well, I hope you're happy with yourselves.

I don't think I've ever been out this way before.

That's the beauty of it. Isolated, romantic.

No-one around to disturb you.

I spent my entire honeymoon... naked.

Oh, Bert! Twas the wife's idea.

She said, 'Bert, we're married now. The nearest house is a mile away.'

'Why do we need clothes?' Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Ere. Not much further. You'll see.

Hidden jaffa, this.

There we are. Oh...

This is perfect, Bert! Thank you so much.

Well, it certainly looks all right from the outside.

Champagne and nibbles - just to keep you ticking over.

Oh, how romantic.

Thank you. We'll sort out the money later, Doc.

I thought you said this was a gift. Well, yes. Of course.

But a whip-round only goes so far.

And you're no doubt lining your own pocket.

Now. I'll be back in the morning... to pick you both up.

How much? Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

How much is this going to cost us? Cheers and gone.

Bert! Stop!

Bert! Stop!

Martin... Bert! Idiot!

I'm sure it won't be that much. He's driven off with our luggage.

We've got no clothes to change into, or even toothbrushes.

It's only for a night. I'm sure we can rough it.

Come on. Let's have a look inside.

Yes. Oh, look!