Family Guy

Hey, we got here right in time, Mav.

There's still a few minutes left in happy hour.

Excuse me, ma'am?

Talk to me, Goose. Which pilot do you think

is gonna be my rival at Top Gun?

It's probably that guy staring at you

while snapping his gum and spinning a pen.

His name's Iceman,

because that's how he flies. Ice-cold.

Cranks the AC, heard it's a sweating problem.

Used to be fat or something.

I don't think this bartender saw me. Ma'am?

Have you figured it out yet?

- Figured what out? - Who's the best pilot?

I heard Snoopy's pretty good. Does, like, loops and stuff.

Good luck tomorrow. You guys are gonna need it.

Come on, Slider, let's get some air.

Hot in here, right?

Oh, now she's wiping down bottles.

She's running out the clock on me.

Talk to me, Goose.

How much you want to bet I can sleep with her tonight?

Come on, Mav, I said I wasn't gonna do one of our sex bets

until my parents left. Their flight got delayed.

Oh, Goosey.

Hey, you didn't want to pay for my college,

so now I'm in the horny Navy.

Sorry, you just missed happy hour.

You know what you did, you bitch.

No, thank you. Not interested.

Guys, please.

A complete misfire.

I'm saying no!

I did not ask for this.

Eighty visibly-aroused servicemen

are trying to pressure me into a sexual relationship.

Ah, what the hell.

It's an '80s movie, so after ten nos,

I have to be your girlfriend.

I'm Maverick.

What's your boobs' name?

- Charlie. - That's a boy's name.

So, what brings you to town?

I'm an instructor at Top Gun.

Waitress school, huh? That's cool.

Oh, I bet you talk past all the girls you meet.

Gentlemen, look around.

You are all in the top 1% of naval aviators.

You're here because you are the best of the best.

One of you is here because you won

a silent auction at my kid's school.

I can't believe we land on boats.

So freakin' neat.

Now, part of your training is going to involve

familiarizing yourself with enemy aircraft.

Here to talk about that now

is our civilian specialist and TAGREP.

Code name, Charlie.

Hello, class.

Ooh, look, Mav, it's your girlfriend.

Stop talking to me, Goose.

I know a lot of you don't think a lady belongs

in flight school, so to prove you wrong,

I'm gonna say a lot of names of planes.

F-5. A-4. MiG-23.

I've seen all those planes before.

And I've seen a blimp.

We've seen a blimp.

- Yeah, right. - Talk to them, Goose.

It's true. We gave it the finger.

Yeah, if you're not a Goodyear, get out of my sky.

And where exactly did you see this blimp?

That's classified.

I also flew over a million miles an hour once.

- What? When? - Also classified.

Oh, he's just saying "classified" to cover up obvious lies.

No, I'm not. They're all true.

I'm six feet tall.

- Stand up. - Classified!

- Out! - What? That was clearly in.

It was on the other side of the line.

You mean the crooked line you made with your foot?

Screw that!

That was our only ball.

All right, all right, sorry, I'll get it.

Damn it!

We might need to send this up the chain of command.

Men, the Navy is nothing if we can't play jean shorts,

shiny-guy volleyball. Any ideas?

What if we bomb it?

Bingo bango.

I got missile lock. Firing.

Yeah! Thanks, taxpayers.

Game on.

Oh, here come the fish.

Wow, that was some good teacher sex.

Hey, sorry I yelled, "Talk to me, Goose" when I finished.

Well, I know we've only known each other for a few days,

and that you've publicly undermined me

in front of everyone, but I think

I'm falling for you, Mav.

And once I get approval from the elders at my church,

and you're properly vetted,

I think I'll be falling for you, too.

I'm just worried about you.

You need to start playing by the rules.

If I cared about rules, I wouldn't be lying

in this bed dry-crusted to your bedsheets.

That's why I gave you the wet wipe.

You got nothing to worry about, babe.

Goose isn't gonna die like in my very vivid dream,

and you for sure won't be left out of the second movie.

- What? - What?

So, Charlie, you and Mav are pretty serious, huh?

I heard he pooped at your house last night.

What?

I've known him for a long time,

and he does not just poop anywhere.

He's very particular.

Because Navy toilets don't have doors.

You learn to hold it.

Goose, can I talk to you a sec?

Did you tell your wife I had a BM?

Unless you are a fool, that boy is in love with you.

Oh, I like him, but he also keeps spitting out

random facts about L. Ron Hubbard.

Little bit of a red flag.

Did you know L. Ron Hubbard was the youngest ever Eagle Scout?

I don't know if that's true.

Suppressive person!

It'll be nice to have another wife in the group,

especially for that second movie we'll all definitely be in.

Hey, Goose, take me to bed

or lose me forever!

Just so you know, if you do want to lose her forever,

my church is really good at that.

This is it, gentlemen.

Whoever wins today, wins Top Gun.

Good luck.

'Sup, weenies?

You left your coffee on top of your plane.

Damn it. I can't even without that.

Kill-your-co-pilot-says "what?"

What?

Talk to me, Goose. Where's our target?

Bogey is two miles, headed away.

Ready to engage. You know, if we're gonna win this thing,

we're gonna need the right flying music.

Eh, I'm not feeling this.

What? That was perfect.

I just want to check Jammin' 95.5,

Miramar's Party Hits for a sec.

We're not supposed to touch the presets, man.

The Navy said only Easy 97, The Coast.

I'm close.

Don't push it, Mav.

Just a little bit more.

And got it!

Oh, no, we're stuck in a spin!

Perfect song, though.

Engine one is out! Change it back!

The dial's stuck!

Engine two is out!

We're losing altitude! We're gonna have to eject!

- Pull on three! - Pull on three or after three?

- What's the difference? - One is on, one is after.

Uh, let's just pull on two.

On or after two?

Aah!

Talk to me, Goose.

You're not talking to me, Goose.

You're listening to Easy 97, The Coast.

Bump.

Set.

Spike!

Bump.

Set.

Spike!

Hey. I'm sorry about Goose.