Impastor

Previously on Impastor...

I'm going to the police.

Unless, of course, you have something to hide.

All I had to do was get the necklace

back on Aunt Ruby and I'd be safe.

Shh.

You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

Kenny? I didn't expect--

For me to ever find you?

Oh, good morning, sleepyhead. Surprise.

Oh, my gosh.

How much fun was Macaroni Junction last night?

Chugga-chugga toot toot!

Please, no train whistles before noon.

Ever find out what happened to Alexa last night?

Well, Russell said he saw her with some hunk muffin

after the fashion show, so maybe

she was having S-E-X, if you know what I mean.

Well, it's kind of tough when you speak in code like that,

but I get the idea.

Hi.

Damn, you look hot, Tina.

Oh, that's right.

You're Alexa now.

Guess I should

get this changed.

What do you want, Kenny?

You.

12 years in prison, you're all I could think about.

You said you would wait for me.

What was I supposed to do?

I was broke, I was scared.

I took off to get a fresh start.

You may have been scared, but you weren't broke.

I...

I know you took the money.

What? No, I didn't.

Bullshit.

You owe me.

Kenny, I swear, I don't know what happened with that money.

I came here with nothing

and started a new life.

I wonder what would happen to that new life

if all the people around here, cops,

knew what you did 12 years ago?

Hey,

do I have to go to that Grief and Loss prayer circle?

It sounds kind of depressing.

Well, if you don't go, I'll have to.

Great. Thanks.

Knock-knock. Hi, Dora.

- Oh, hey, Becky. - Hi, Pastor.

Here's the quote I want sewn into my dress.

I know we said next week, but can I have it by tomorrow?

Oh, this is gonna be really tough

because to--'cause I...

Oh, what the heck? Okay.

I'll fire up the machine and get to sewing.

Thanks again, Dora. You're such a good friend.

Oh, I'm happy to do it.

And I'm so thrilled for you and Pete.

- Bye. - Bye.

Is something wrong?

No, I don't want to bother you with it.

Okay.

It's just the guy that she's engaged to, Pete...

well, I used to be engaged to him two years ago.

Until the rehearsal dinner.

I always wondered how I would know

when I met Mr. Right.

And I think it was Aunt Joanie

who told me

"When you know, you know."

Here's to knowing.

I don't know.

What to say?

Just speak from the heart, pumpkin.

No, I don't know about us.

And you deserve someone who's 100% sure.

No, I-I don't need 100%.

I-I'd take 80. Can you give me 80?

Joanie, scoot in. Can you give me 80?

Pete, I'll take anything over 50!

Man, you really embarrassed yourself.

Yeah, and I thought I was over it, I really did.

And then I saw this beautiful dress,

and then I-I just...

Oh, Dora, don't be such a Sullen Sally.

Oh, I better get to work sewing her quote in.

What's it say?

"When you know, you know."

Yeesh.

These blue eyes are glad to see you again.

Oh, oh, I'm terribly sorry.

No, I thought you were someone else.

I just-- I'm not a pervert.

Come on, come on. Damn.

Lucky penny, my ass.

Alexa. Hey.

Missed you at the Junction last night.

Russell ate his spumoni too fast,

got an ice cream headache, it was off the hook.

Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't make it.

Uh, Pastor Barlow, this is Kenny.

He's... an old friend of mine.

Hey, welcome to Ladner.

Yeah. Let's go.

Bye.

Nice to meet you, too.

Hey, you talked to Alexa today?

She happen to mention anything about that guy she's with?

No, I don't know, maybe they're just somewhere

happily in a relationship together, but...

what would I know about that?

So, what? You still got a thing

for that guy who dumped you?

No. It's just...

ever since I was a little girl,

I have dreamed of walking down the aisle

in the perfect wedding dress.

And I'm really starting to feel like

it may never happen for me.

Well, it won't

if you sit in here all day being a Sullen Sally.

You got to put yourself out there.

You know, I have been thinking about signing up

I'm talking about going out to a bar.

You'd have guys all over. You're a total babe.

And I'm not just talking last-call-beer-goggles babe.

- Legit. - Well, thank you,

but, I mean, I don't know.

And I couldn't just--I couldn't go to a bar by myself.

Well, would you mind having a gay man as your date?

I would love it.

Great. I'll have Russell pick you up for happy hour.

Great.

- Oh. - Whoa.

Take it easy there. It's just me,

you favorite neighborhood pastor.

Sorry, I'm just a little jumpy today.

That have anything to do with your visitor?

Kenny? No. He's just an old friend.

He didn't seem too friendly to me.

Alexa, is he hassling you?

Because if he is, tell me.

Let me help.

There's nothing you can do.

Maybe I could talk to him.

You have no idea the kind of guy he is.

I know exactly the kind of guy he is.

My mother had a lot of Kennys in her life.

Please. Just stay out of it.

Okay?

I probably should have stayed out of it...

But I didn't.

A little early for Scotch, isn't it?

Bite me, asshole.

That's Pastor Asshole to you.

Look, I don't know what your deal is,

but Alexa is a member of my flock,

and it's my job to look out for her.

You know what you should be looking out for?

Oh!

That.

Good tip.

Hey!

I'm not done with you.

Sounds like somebody wants some more.

You with the wrong pastor!

The good feeling I had from cold-cocking this prick

soon gave way to a much more sobering thought.

What the hell do I do now?

I threw Kenny in my car and bought some duct tape

to tie him up before he came to.

I needed time to think.

Pastor Barlow.

- Hey. - Funny meeting you here.

I-I need your input on something.

Yeah, now is not really the best--

Here's a--all my adult life, I have

eaten oatmeal for breakfast.

Day in, day out, year after year,

and it's kept me secure and regular,

but it's bland.

And frankly, I am bored of it.

Fascinating stuff, Alden.

I have been thinking about exploring something sweeter,

like a hot, glazed doughnut,

but I know it would be bad for me.

Oh, Pastor, how does a man resist temptation?

Well, in breakfast, as in life--

What--who is in your car there?

Oh, that's, uh...

that's one of Alexa's mannequins.

She's letting me use it

so I could drive in the carpool lane.

Shh.

But, as for your problem,

did you ever hear of the story of Jesus and the, uh...

- Stop sign? - No.