Penn & Teller: Fool Us

Here's TV's very own Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you so much. You don't have to, but how kind you are.

Thank you to you. Thank you, very nice to see you.

Hello and welcome to Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where aspiring magicians attempt to outwit

two of the biggest stars in the history of magic.

And I promise, after seeing some of the illusions tonight,

your eyes will be wider than Cheryl Cole's window cleaner.

It's kind of an old school gag, that one!

The tension backstage among the magicians is incredible.

You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

Well I say cut it,

you could actually saw it in two and then put it back together again.

Let's get on, because in this show, the acts, like Jedward in a Ferrari,

come thick and fast.

Oh, so you like that one do you, eh?

To succeed tonight our acts must outwit two of the greatest magicians of all time.

How best to describe them?

Well, if you'll excuse the associated imagery,

one is loud and proud, the other is silent but deadly.

It is of course...

Don't worry, we can put that laugh on that.

Don't worry, it is of course, Penn and Teller!

Hello, Mr. Teller. Mr. Penn, great to see you again.

We have an excited crowd ready to see some top-drawer magic this evening.

Let's just remind them,

you haven't seen any of the performances we're about to witness?

We've not seen jack.

Okay. We know that you know how to do so much... magic.

So many of the illusions... is it easy to fool you do you think...

Or is it really a big challenge?

I mean how hard is it for these guys? How hard is it gonna be?

Well listen, everybody we've seen so far, in the other shows, is really good.

So I think it is a challenge to fool us, but they're up to it. So we're scared.

I haven't seen all of the performers tonight,

I've seen a couple of them, I hope you're feeling generous,

'cause I think you are gonna be paying for some flights to Vegas.

-Okay! -I'm just saying right now.

-Go and take your seats. -We'll pay attention.

Mr. Penn and Teller, ladies and gentlemen.

Have you got a great view?

-Perfect. -Do you want to polish those glasses?

-All clean. -Okay, we're good to go.

Let's get on with it and meet our first contender.

Piff, the magic dragon.

My name's Piff, the Magic Dragon.

I used to live by the sea, but I've just moved to southeast London.

I'm a dragon who does magic. I've always been interested in magicians.

Piff the Chartered Accountant Dragon doesn't really have the same ring to it.

This is Mr. Piffles. There you go. Penn's got Teller. I've got Mr. Piffles.

Mine's probably cheaper to feed actually.

Yeah, we've got a great working relationship.

I work for the money, for the gold, obviously, and he works for the biscuits.

He's like a dragon's best friend.

If that best friend pooed all over your house.

Yeah, this, the trick I'm about to do is quite legendary,

basically, it goes back, you know, ten, fifty, a thousand years

to the beginning of magic dragon time.

I think I can fool Penn and Teller.

Put it this way, if I can't fool Penn and Teller,

I'm not a real magic dragon.

We love variety on this show,

so we auditioned many hundreds of magic dragon

and performing dog acts out there, and we picked the very best one.

Will you please welcome Piff!

Good evening.

Good evening.

My name's Piff, the Magic Dragon.

You might have heard of my older brother.

Steve.

Welcome to my show, Piff-Tacular.

I'm Piff.

This is my Tacular.

Five hundred pounds.

This is Mr. Piffles.

Aww!

Nine hundred pounds.

Hang on. I think I'm gonna sneeze.

Seventy-five pounds.

So I'm gonna do a card trick, because dragons love card tricks.

And kidnapping princesses.

What's your name princess?

-Stacey. -Stacey. Really?

Oh right, my wife's called Stacey.

Well, we're not really married. In fact, we've only just met.

I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding. You haven't got a chance.

Please give Stacey a huge round of applause

as she joins me on stage. Stacey, ladies and gentlemen.

Do you have any playing cards, Stacey? Do you have any playing cards?

Stacey, come here. Hold out your hands like you're gonna catch a baby.

Right, Stacey, very good. I'm gonna deal the cards down.

It's your job to tell me to stop, whenever you like, Stacey,

you call out stop, I will stop dealing the cards.

Stop.

-Just there, are you sure? -Yeah.

I'll give you one chance to change your mind.

-No. -That's a shame.

Okay, Stacey, I have a pen,

I would like you to write your name nice and neatly

in the little white space in the top of the card,

just spell your name nice and neatly.

I'll do a little magic trick for the audience, little magic trick.

Vanished!

Lovely work, Stacey. We're gonna show the audience what card you chose.

The Jack of spades. A round of applause as she re-takes her seat.

Stacey, ladies and gentlemen.

Now Stacey could have changed her mind but she chose the Jack of spades.

Before the show I did make a prediction,

so for the first time can we please reveal my prediction.

So basically Stacey was wrong.

You weren't even close.

But if I could really do magic, it would look a bit like this.

As predicted, the nine of hearts.

Nice one, Piff, I enjoyed that very much.

How confident are you,

do you think they would have seen that kind of act before?

I don't think they will have seen this kind of act before.

No, I don't.

You've just got a little hair on your shoulder.

-Okay. -I'll get him for you.

There you go, he's a bad boy.

-He says he's very sorry. -He's sweet.

Look he's got little sorry ears.

There's a lot of sweetness in this. I love the...

-Anyway you can have him as a present. -Can I have him?

Oh, he gets shy!

Oh I get nothing. I get nothing. Quite an annoying dragon. Okay...

I was on your side until now. I'm gonna go up there in a minute,

because I don't want them to go on for too long.

No problem. That's fine.

Is this dragon food? Is this...

Yeah, dragons love bananas.

Do they really? I didn't know that.

Do you want a bite?

I don't think I should bite another dragon's banana.

-It's not really done is it? -Not really, no.

Not really the done thing.

Let's find out whether Penn and Teller know how you did it,

or whether you fooled them.

Now... May I call you Piff?

-Yeah. Mr. Piff, that's better. -Mr. Piff.

Well... we know how you did the sparks on the sneeze.

-Magic dragon stuff. -Oh I'm sorry, that's magic dragon stuff.

We all...

We have never seen the trick

where one signed card turns into another. Ever.

The fact that the card is signed, even though you're in a...

stupid dragon suit,

Aww!

...is a really, really good trick.

We think that the Jack of spades was over the top

of the nine of hearts.

And you had her sign above it, and then you just...

-Peeled it off-- -I can say you're close.

-He's gonna draw something. -Okay.

But--

Am I allowed to show Mr. Piffles or should I cover his eyes for this?