Commando Ninja

Hey guys! I got a good one, do you want to hear it?

Shut up Hopkins!

What do you say to a black man in a uniform?

Excuse me Sir, I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke please!

You're a fucking hillbilly, Hopkins!

Say that again snow white!?

Say that again snow white!?

You're just jealous of my big black dick that's all!

Shut up!

Hey guys, I've got another one!

Do you know why black people...

Ninjas!

Get some!

Jenny! Stop playing those stupid video games and go outside!

Yes mom!

One minute! I'm coming!

Your pepperoni, ma'am.

I didn't order any pizza!

With extra 9 millimeter.

Mom?!

Darling! Breakfast is ready!

Do you know why Americans don't have hemorrhoids?

Because all the assholes live in Canada!

Hopkins! You old sack of shit!

Did they give you bionic balls too?

You know I've already got balls of steel!

Okay, let's not break your new toy!!

It's good to see you again, John!

Shit, you look like somebody's secretary!

An Air Force Uniform, and you get all the pussy, dude...

So I left the Army! You want me to hook you up?

I'm good pussy-wise, man, and you can keep your desk job.

Holy shit Hopkins, for all those years I thought you were rotting in a rice paddy!

How did you survive this shit?

The usual routine...

It all started when those fucking gooks unleashed raptors on my ass...

Fuck off bastard!

Fuck off bastard!

Hey Hopkins, need a hand?

Come on, you fucking bastard commie lizards swingers...

Come on Kowalsky! Get to the chopper!

Yes, we are gonna have a little party, oh yes a nice little party just you and me

A party, a little party, a nice little party...

That was the last time I saw Kowalsky...

He was a nice guy... For a Polack!

Fucking mess...

I wonder what became of Snow White...

So! What brings you to the boondocks, Hopkins?

I've got good news and bad news John.

Good news first.

They murdered your ex-wife.

Shit...

No more alimony!

And they took your kid!

Don't mess John! It's up to the police to handle this!

Tell me everything you know, Hopkins! Spill it!

We're not in Vietnam anymore John, there are laws here!

I can't say anything!

Now you listen to me, you son of a bitch!

You've never been able to put your dick in anything but fat-mama san!

You don't know what it's like to have a kid!

That's fucking cold, John... there was that girl in high school...

Where, when, how?!

You have no clue about the shitstorm you're about to walk into...

Walking in is the easy part,

it's walking out without your dick in a sling that's rough...

A joint operation between the FBI and the Air Force

has been set-up to nail a big weapons dealer.

As of yet we don't know who he is or where he operates from.

What's the deal with my daughter?

You will not believe me John, but his men... they are ninjas!

Shit! Those fuckers again!

I’ve gone undercover into a gang of bikers, and I’ve set up a deal in a few days.

We are gonna nail them John, don't worry!

On time, as promised.

Do you know why your ancestors roamed the desert for 40 years?

Because an asshole lost a coin!

Freeze motherfucker. FBI!

Surprises!

I love surprises!

I love surprises!

Hey Hopkins!

How is your arm doing?

Shit!

Freeze!

Greetings from Smith and Wesson!

John...

You!

Come closer... I'll speak...

Where is my daughter, you motherfucker!!

It's not a way to treat an old friend...

Reunions, I love reunions!

Hey John! I almost forgot!

If you want your kid back, I've got a job for you!

Fuck! If I'd known I was going to die today I would have gotten laid...

Hold on Hopkins, it's gonna be ok! Hold on!

You know, there is something I never told you John...

You know, all that racist bullshit...

My old man...

He died in a concentration camp...

Shit, Hopkins, I didn't know.

He fell from the guard tower!

Colonel, the American is here, the American is in Val Verde.

Thank you, Bernardo.

Don't worry...

I'll keep an eye on him...

It will have cost you an arm!

And a leg!

Beautiful! Bravo, John!

I hope my little warm-up... pleased you!

Where is my daughter, motherfucker!

Jenny!

Sargent Kowalsky was part of my experiments when I was working for the Soviet Union...

like your friend... “Snow White”.

Unfortunately, he didn't survive.

You could have been a wonderful guinea pig, John!