Elsbeth

New York City.

Once upon a time, I could exit

the front door of my apartment building,

hoof it to Second Avenue, and find myself

at Elaine's Restaurant,

where I'd make a beeline for a certain well-known publicist.

Back wall, corner table.

He'd slip me an item for the column between bites

of squid salad.

That was back when New York had glamour and secrets.

Now, glamour has gone the way of the dodo.

Everything's out in the open,

warts and all, right there on your screens.

Internet accounts like the anonymous "Pop Lunatic,"

where the latte order of a tic-tacky... oh, whoops...

I mean, TikTok star is what passes for news.

Snooze-worthy.

Oh, sure, they post real stories now and then,

but is it worth the endless scroll?

Boy, are my thumbs tired.

No, dear readers, gossip ain't what it used to be.

But who am I to say?

Hello.

Betty, it's Otis. We need to talk.

Well, make it snappy. I'm on my way to a luncheon.

Trust me, you're going to want to hear this, in person, now.

That juicy, huh?

Well, where are you? We'll pick you up on the way.

The usual spot. Don't keep me waiting.

Slight detour. Maurice!

There's the golden boy.

Okay, what do you got for me?

I'll warn you, tomorrow's column is pretty full.

What? Okay. Uh, Maurice,

would you mind just stepping out for a moment, please?

Oh.

Well, this had better be good.

If it's about your husband's pop-up again,

I'll have Maurice here throw you into traffic.

And you know he will, because he's ex-military.

It's not about Harry.

It's about you.

Me?

Please. What's left to say?

Betty.

I know your secret.

What?

What? And I have the proof.

Look, be reasonable.

I've always kept your secrets.

Have you?

From now on, you will print whatever I tell you to.

When I call, you will answer.

I don't want to hear any excuses

about such-and-such not being a fit in the column. Make space.

And maybe, just maybe,

I'll keep your little secret to myself.

I'd say blackmail was beneath you,

but I think we both know better.

Your whole career, all your power is based

on knowing other people's secrets.

Well, now I know yours.

You will do what I say,

you will put out what I tell you to...

...or I will ruin you.

Everything okay, boss?

It will be.

Yeah, uh, I'd say I'm pretty fearless.

I mean, I did all my own stunts for the movie.

That's incredible.

I saw, on the poster, you're, like,

hanging off of a cliff, right?

I-I have to imagine,

if you're not afraid of that, you're not afraid of anything.

Oh, my God.

No, Lorena. Lorena, no. Get back in prison.

Oh, my God.

God. Ugh.

Isn't that awful?

I should be used to it by now.

He thinks it's funny to scare celebrities using my face.

Why does he have to pick on you?

I'm an easy mark. After what the press has done to me,

who is going to defend Lorena Marchuk?

Well, I think it's time the world hears

what you think of this abuse.

The world doesn't care what I think.

- Sure they do. - I'm a villain.

As if I'm the first person to ever have legal troubles.

Oh, Betty, switch with me.

- Oh. - This couch is killing my back.

Oh, it didn't help that your masseuse self-deported.

Well, I will always take your side.

You've always been my dearest friend.

Well, you're a good friend to me.

Hey, while you're up,

why don't you go and get us something

a little stronger than tea?

What do you think, huh?

Absolutely.

I always felt you held a grudge.

A grudge? For what?

Augusto flirting with me

at Henry's barbecue in Litchfield.

When you and Augusto had that thing going.

That was 1979. It was ancient history.

Who can remember these things?

- Hmm. - Mmm.

- I've got to dash. - Oh?

I have a deadline.

- I got to watch my program. - Right.

- Well, chin up, Lorena. - Hmm.

And I think it's high time

you stood up to that Otis Langley.

As ladies, sometimes

we have to handle these things ourselves.

Geez.

Betty? You scared me.

- Wh-What are you wearing? - Let's chat.

All right, well, better make it snappy,

as you like to say.

I'm needed back on set.

What's with the getup?

Is this from your column, or are you stealing my act?

Actually,

I'm glad that you're here.

Nobody tells Betty Heymouth what to print.

Victim is Otis Langley,

daytime talk show host and impresario.

We're notifying his husband now.

Ooh, I found a shell casing.

No firearm.

Powder residue on the body suggests

a deliberate shot at close range.

Probably a pistol.

Oh, that's brutal.

He seemed like such a nice guy on his show.

- Mm. - Oh!

Gosh. Sorry. Uh,

I agree with Officer Hackett.

Who would want to kill this guy?

He was so nice.

Or maybe he just wanted famous people to like him.

Ooh. His cell phone might have answers.

Uh, oh.

Two phones. Huh.

Never a good sign.

Huh.

- Can I help you? - The cops told me

to come speak with the detective.

- That's me. What is it? - I saw a lady go

into Mr. Langley's trailer this afternoon.

- Who are you? - I'm a production assistant.

- Did you know who it was? - No. But I saw she had, like,

a crazy face and a thing on her head.

- You mean a hat? - No, a thing.

And her face was so crazy.

Like this?

- Yeah, actually. - Really?

That's who you saw? Lorena Marchuk?

I think so.

The infamous real estate widow.

Oh, that's who this is.

Didn't she go to prison?

- Were they arguing? - I don't know.

I was in a rush, but I think he let her in.

All right, thank you.

So, aging, infamous socialite Lorena Marchuk

walks up to Otis's trailer,

broad daylight, climbs up these stairs...

...knocks on his door,

he lets her in, and then, she shoots him?

It's possible.

In the '90s, Lorena was known

as the Medusa of Madison Avenue.

Yeah, and it's a running prank on Otis's show

that someone jumps out

and scares celebrities while wearing that mask.

It's kind of funny.

Maybe not to her.

Don't touch that vase.

It cost more than your life savings.

So, Otis Langley is dead.

What has that got to do with me?

You were seen going into his trailer today.

- Me? - We hear there's bad blood between you two.

You bet there is, that bastard.

So, did you visit Mr. Langley in his trailer this afternoon?

No, I was here.

You, get up.

I was in bed watching my favorite show.

Ooh. Was it Ninja Warrior?

I love that one.

The Young and the Restless.

With a glass of wine.

- Just one? - That's none of your business.

Can anyone confirm your story?

Any staff, or...?

I'm between staff at the moment.

But I'm always here.