Last Man Standing

"Last Man Standing" Is Recorded

In Front Of A Live Studio Audience.

Hey, Babe. Hey.

What's The Matter? Oh, Nothing. I'm Just...

I'm Just Right On That Late-Afternoon Fence.

Do I Have Another Cup Of Coffee

Or Just Say, "Screw It," And Pour My First Glass Of Wine?

Tough One.

Well, Which Way Do You Love Me More...

A Little Jittery And Chatty

Or Passed Out And Drooling By 8:30?

I Love You Both Ways.

How Was Work?

Busting Our Hump.

Seasonal Changeover. Boogie Boards To Snowboards.

Hmm.

Thank God For The Year-Round Appeal

Of Rifles And Ammunition.

So, What Do We Got Going On Over Here?

Oh, I'm Just Heating Up Some Spaghettios.

My Grandson's Here?

What Am I Doing Talking To You?

Definitely The Right Call.

Where's My Grandson? Hey, Blanca.

Come On. I Know You're Around Here Someplace!

Grandpa! I Hear Him!

Get Over Here! Come Here, You.

Oh, Boy. I Haven't Seen You In So Long.

Mwah, Mwah. You've Changed So Much.

Are You Still Single?

We Got So Much To Catch Up On.

Ihola, Abuelito! ¿Cómo Estás Usted?

Wow. You... You Have Changed.

You've Turned Into A Handsome Little Mexican Boy.

Thanks For Teaching Him Some Spanish.

I've Been Working On It, Too.

Mr. Mike, I Only Speak English With Boyd.

And Believe Me, His English... Not So Good.

Boyd Is Learning Spanish At His New School.

And I Will Say, With That, They Are Doing A Very Good Job.

Why Are They Teaching Them Spanish In The 1St Grade?

Well, Honey, It's A Bilingual School.

The Teacher Says Everything In English

And Then Says It Again In Spanish.

So You Work Twice As Hard To Learn Half As Much?

Or They Are Learning Twice As Much

Because They're Learning Another Language.

How Do They Even Understand "Twice As Much"?

There's No Time For Math.

That's Just How They Have To Do It At Wilson Elementary.

"Woodrow Wilson."

Oh, Woodrow Wilson. He Won The First World War.

He Was A Great President.

My Citizenship Test Is Coming Up.

Woodrow Wilson Was Not A Great President.

Ronald Reagan Was A Great President.

In Woodrow Wilson's Last Term, He Was Practically Brain-Dead.

His Wife Ran The Country.

Ohh. Just Like Ronald Reagan.

Oh, Hey! Hey! Hey!

He Took Down Communism!

He Deserved A Nap At The End.

Hey. Hey.

Ihola, Mamá Y Papá!

Hey, Sweetie.

¿Cómo Está, Mijo?

Muy Bien. Gracias.

Well, Big Surprise.

Look Who Likes Bilingual Education... Cliché Guevara.

I Love That Boyd Is Learning Spanish,

But I'm A Little Concerned About The Class Sizes At Wilson.

No, It's Not The Quantity Of The Kids.

It's The Quality Of The Teachers.

Spoken Like A Poster In A Terrible School.

It's Not A Terrible School, Okay?

Yes, Our Neighborhood Has Its Challenges,

But The School Has Fences And Metal Detectors.

And There's A Tree Now.

Alcatraz Had A Beach. Didn't Make It A Nice Resort.

Did You Guys Ever Consider Sending Him To A Charter School?

No. If White Middle-Class Families

Pull Their Kids Out Of Urban Schools,

Those Schools Are Just Gonna Get Worse.

How Cute. You Think You're Middle-Class.

We Are Very Happy With Wilson.

Really?

Maybe I Should Teach Boyd

How To Fashion A Shiv Out Of A Lunch Tray.

Dad. What Are... Do Not Put Those Thoughts In His Head.

Come On, Buddy. Let's Grab Your Stuff.

Come On. Okay.

I Do Not Want You Giving Boyd The Idea

That He Is Unsafe Around Other Cultures, Okay?

We Want To Raise Him With An Open Heart.

If He Takes That Shiv Training Seriously,

The Open Heart Will Be The Other Kid's Problem.

Unbelievable.

Ryan! Boyd! We Got To Go!

Hey, Guys. Hey.

Oh, Hey, Honey. How Was Your Day?

It Was Great, Mrs. B.

See You Tomorrow, Mandy.

You Guys! I'm Loving College!

It's Like I'm Seeing The World For The First Time,

Like A Newborn.

Have You Noticed? She Still Has That Soft Spot On Her Head.

Oh. You Know What? You Were Such A Cute Baby. Yeah.

And Now You're My Big College Girl.

Oh, Don't Worry.

There Will Be Plenty Of Naked Photos From Both Eras.

Hey, You Guys. Check This Out.

"Cogito, Ergo Sum"... I Think, Therefore I Am.

René Descartes.

She Was Awesome!

We Learned About Her In Philosophy Today.

She Was French, So I Don't Really Know

Why She Was Speaking Italian.

Uh...

Oh, Boy. Money Well Spent.

I Think René Descartes Was A Monsieur.

Oh, Wow.

A Philosopher That Gives Massages.

Cool. That's A Real Renaissance Woman.

He Was A Man!

25 Grand So She Can Figure Out Whether She Exists Or Not.

Oh. Come On. Philosophy Is Fun.

You Studied It In College.

That's Exactly Why I'm An Expert On How Useless It Is.

Look, I Am Just So Happy

That Mandy Is Showing Any Interest At All In School.

So, Please, Do Not Discourage Her.

I'm Not Gonna Discourage Her. Okay.

She Can Major In Philosophy If She Wants.

And...

Her Stripper Name Could Be Socra-Tease.

Captions By Vitac...

Okay. 31St President?

Uh, Herbert Hoover.

Wow. That's Impressive, Blanca.

Sure. She Remembers The One Named After A Vacuum Cleaner.

Mike, Come On. That's Offensive.

And Number 32?

The Greatest President Of All... Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

He Led The Allies In World War Ii

And Ended The Great Depression.

All While Chasing The Ladies.

He Stepped Out On Eleanor...

Well, Technically... Rolled Out.

Wow.

She Should Have Worked Harder To Keep Her Man Happy.

You Know, That Is A Woman's Job, Eve. Ivamos!

That's One Of The Many Things I Love

About The Latino Culture.

Well, Let's Hope Boyd Doesn't Pick That Up At His New School.

You Know, We Pay Taxes For A Great Elementary School

Right In Our Neighborhood.

Why Doesn't He Go There?

You Really Think Wilson's That Bad, Mike?

Go Online. Check It Out.

The Only Thing Wilson Tests High In... Lead.

He Could Use Our Address A-And Go To Clark.

Of Course He Could Use Our Address.

Yeah. I Mean, He Does Still Have A Bedroom Here.

He Could Stay Here A Couple Nights A Week.

That Would... That Would Be Great.

I Mean, I... You Would Like That.

You Know What? As Long As We're Doing This

Because It's In Boyd's Best Interests... Yeah, Of Course.

And We Are Not Just Clingy Grandparents

Trying To Hang On.

You Think I'm A Clingy Grandparent?

Well, Honey, You Know, Y-You're Still Hanging On

To This Cracked Sippy Cup.

I Mean, Boyd Hasn't Used It In Ages.

I... I Don't... I'm Not Hanging On To It.

Throw It Out If You Want.

All Right. Fine.

Not Hanging On To Old Sippy Cups.

It's Cracked Anyway, Right?

Not Hanging On To That Stupid Thing.

Hate To Be A Clingy Grandpa.

Don't Want To Waste Stuff, Though.

I Could... I Could Fix That.

Hello, Friends. Hola, Amigos.

Mike Baxter Here For Outdoor Man.

Miguel Baxter Aquí Para El Hombre De Las Montañas.

It's Already Annoying, Isn't It?!

Imagine Seven Straight Hours Of That,

And You'll Get An Idea Of What It's Like

In Some Public Schools

Right Here In The Good Old U.S.A.

Please No Cards And Letters.

Don't Get Me Wrong. I Am All For Immigration.

It's What Made This Country Great.

Immigration And...

Assimilation.

But The Melting Pot Won't Work

If The Government Makes It Easy Not To Melt.

Let Me Stir The Pot A Little.

Ahh, Right There.