Heavenly Match

AT THIS SMALL CONGREGATION

KNOWN AS "CHURCH OF THE SHEPHERD,"

LOVE IS ALL AROUND.

MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

I WONDER, WILL I EVER BE

ON THE RECEIVING END OF THE WEDDING VOWS?

A DEEP CONNECTION

THROUGH ALL THE SLINGS AND ARROWS

OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE.

NO MORE LONELINESS.

NO MORE ISOLATION.

I GIVE YOU THIS RING AS A SYMBOL OF MY LOVE.

A 30-YEAR-OLD SINGLE MINISTER LIVES IN DATING SIBERIA.

I GIVE YOU THIS RING AS A SYMBOL OF MY LOVE.

THE WEDDING RING

IS A SYMBOL OF THE ENDURING PROMISES

THAT DAN AND STACY HAVE MADE ON THIS DAY.

IN AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE EXCHANGED YOUR VOWS

AND YOUR RINGS,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE.

WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER LET NO ONE TAKE APART.

DAN, YOU MAY KISS YOUR BRIDE.

THE KISS STARTS TO TAKE ON BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS.

FINALLY, THEY COME UP FOR AIR AND I CAN PRESENT THEM.

ANOTHER WEDDING RECEPTION SOLO,

BUT THIS IS THE LAST ONE.

SOON, I'LL BE FREE.

I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY

THAT I DON'T BELONG IN THE MINISTRY.

YOU DID A FINE JOB

FILLING IN FOR REVEREND BLACK.

OH, THANK YOU, MRS. SANDERSON.

A NICE GIRL LIKE YOU OUGHT TO BE MARRIED BY NOW.

AREN'T YOU SWEET?

YOU KNOW, NEXT WEEK IS VALENTINE'S DAY.

DO YOU HAVE A DATE?

NO. NOT YET.

THE STRANGE REALITY OF BEING A MINISTER

IS THAT YOUR LIFE

BECOMES THE BUSINESS OF YOUR CONGREGATION.

THEY HAVE A STAKE IN YOU.

IF YOU MESS UP, IT REFLECTS ON THEM,

SO YOU GO THROUGH YOUR DAYS

IN A SORT OF BEHAVIORAL STRAITJACKET

THAT KEEPS YOU FROM TRAUMATIZING YOURSELF

OR ANYONE ELSE.

I'LL BE GLAD TO LEAVE THAT BEHIND.

TAKE IT EASY, HART.

PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

MRS. SANDERSON,

THIS IS REVEREND DAVID SWENSON,

ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS FROM DIVINITY SCHOOL.

-NICE TO MEET YOU. -AS WELL.

I HAVEN'T TOLD DAVID

ABOUT MY DECISION TO LEAVE THE MINISTRY.

HE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE IT.

NICE JOB ON THE NUPTIALS.

THANKS.

DO THEY LET THE ASSOCIATE MINISTER

DO MANY WEDDINGS OVER THERE AT THE CHURCH FOR THE SHEEP?

HA-HA. VERY FUNNY.

I'M JUST A TEMPORARY FILL-IN FOR REVEREND BLACK.

AH, YES,

REVEREND BLACK'S GOLF INJURY.

AND HOW GOES THE RECOVERY FOR THE GOOD REVEREND?

DOING VERY WELL, ACTUALLY.

HE'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THE BRIDE'S FOLKS

ARE MEMBERS OF THE CONGREGATION AT ST. HELGA'S.

AND...

IT'S A GOOD THING FOR YOU THAT I'M HERE,

BECAUSE I MIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON UNDER 70

TO ASK YOU TO DANCE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YEAH, AS I RECALL

YOUR WALTZ IS

A CRIMINAL OFFENSE IN 10 STATES. HEY!

THAT'S ASSAULT, SWENSON.

THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE ME ARRESTED?

COME ON.

SO HOW WAS YOUR DATE?

IT WAS GREAT,

UNTIL I WAS FORCED TO REVEAL WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING.

SHE KEPT LOOKING AT ME LIKE I WAS A FREAK OF NATURE.

AND YOUR POINT IS?

DO I NEED TO HIT YOU AGAIN?

OH, LOOK. THAT'S OLIVIA TOMPKINS.

SHE'S ONE OF OUR LARGEST FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTORS,

BUT ALSO OUR BIGGEST GOSSIP,

SO I HAVE NO DOUBT

THAT OUR DANCE WILL BE

THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION AT THE NEXT WOMEN'S AUXILIARY.

WE'RE REALLY JUST TWO PREACHERS

TRYING TO PASS FOR NORMAL PEOPLE.

OOH. YUM.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE

TO EAT THE ENTIRE KITCHEN AND NOT GAIN AN OUNCE.

I REALLY RESENT THAT ABOUT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TOMORROW NIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, WATCHING TV...

ORDERING A PIZZA.

IF I'M FEELING TRULY ADVENTUROUS,

ONE WITH EVERYTHING ON IT.

HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?

NOT IF IT INVOLVES

WATCHING A COUPLE

OF TESTOSTERONE-CHALLENGED MEN BLOWING UP THINGS.

OKAY, AND WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

OH, NO, WAIT.

LET ME GUESS. A ROMANTIC COMEDY?

ISN'T THERE A MOVIE

LIKE "PRIDE AND PREJUDICE" MEETS "THE MATRIX"?

NO.

OKAY, FINE, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE PAYING.

DEAL.

"YOU'RE SO LOVELY. YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED BY NOW."

YOU FEEL LIKE A DESPERATE, OLD SPINSTER.

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE PARISHIONERS AT MY CHURCH

ARE NO LONGER BETTING ON MY LOVE LIFE,

BUT ARE ACTUALLY PRAYING FOR IT?

WELL, I WOULDN'T BE CONCERNED

UNTIL THEY START ORGANIZING 24-HOUR PRAYER VIGILS.

MY OTHER BEST FRIEND SINCE DIVINITY SCHOOL,

THE REVEREND LARONDA MASON.

I HAVEN'T TOLD RONNIE

ABOUT MY DECISION TO LEAVE THE MINISTRY YET EITHER.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE LOOK OF DISAPPOINTMENT ON HER FACE.

DO YOU MIND IF WE HAVE THE CHECK?

THANK YOU.

SO WHEN IS PASTOR BLACK

GOING TO BE BACK IN COMMAND OF THE PULPIT?

NEXT WEEK, I'LL BE BACK TO BEING AN ASSOCIATE,

WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH

LIKE BEING TANTALUS FROM GREEK MYTHOLOGY.

WHO WAS TANTALUS?

HE'S THE GUY WHO HUNGERS IN THE UNDERWORLD

WITH FOOD FOREVER BEYOND HIS REACH.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME NEXT WEEK

AFTER I START MY NEW FITNESS PROGRAM.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THIS APPLE PIE LOOKS--

OH, YES. PLEASE DO.

AMAZING.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE BEING A MINISTER

LOOK LIKE A CAKEWALK.

YOU GOT YOUR CONGREGATION TO BUILD A 1,500-SEAT SANCTUARY

AND PARTNER WITH A SISTER CHURCH IN AFRICA.

IT'S AMAZING.

YES, I'M A PREACHER'S KID,

BUT IT'S STILL FEELS LIKE

I'M HAULING MYSELF UP MOUNT EVEREST

WITH MY LEGS TIED EVERY DAY.

THE LAST TIME I TRUSTED A CHURCH,

I GOT FIRED AND HUMILIATED.

MAYBE I'M NOT SUITED FOR THIS.

YOU CAN'T PLAY IT SAFE WITH THE MINISTRY, CASE.

IF YOU HAVE SECURITY,

THEN YOU'RE NOT DOING YOUR JOB.

AND I KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING FOR GUARANTEES IN THIS,

BUT THERE AREN'T ANY.

HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE

WITHOUT AT LEAST A FEW GUARANTEES OF SOME KIND?

IT'S CALLED "FAITH."

THANK YOU.

WHICH JUST REAFFIRMS

MY DECISION TO LEAVE THE MINISTRY

AND TO GO TO LAW SCHOOL.

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED AT BRAXTON FOR THE FALL SEMESTER.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT THIS EMERGENCY MEETING IS ABOUT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

SO, YOU AND REVEREND SWENSON?

I SAW YOU DANCING LAST NIGHT.

ARE YOU AN ITEM?

NO. DAVID AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS.

THAT'S WHAT CELEBRITIES SAY IN THE TABLOIDS,

THEN THEY TURN AROUND,

AND, NINE MONTHS LATER, THEY HAVE A LOVE CHILD.

I CAN ASSURE YOU

THAT REVEREND SWENSON AND I

ARE IN NO IMMEDIATE DANGER OF THAT HAPPENING.

WELL...

HE IS A VERY HANDSOME YOUNG MAN.

GOOD MORNING.

AM I LATE?

WE JUST STARTED. HAVE A SEAT.

OKAY...

PASTOR BLACK HAS JUST ANNOUNCED HIS RETIREMENT.

HE DID?

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY.

MISS HART,

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU HAVE BEEN APPOINTED INTERIM SENIOR MINISTER.

OF COURSE, YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP

YOUR OTHER CHRISTIAN EDUCATION PROGRAMS

STILL RUNNING,

BUT WE HAVE FAITH IN YOU, CASEY.

WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.