The Middle

Nothing brings people together like a race--

The Kentucky Derby, the Tour de France,

and in Orson, Indiana, the Birchwood 500.

Zoom, zoom! Hey, hey!

Big bad Mike's going all the way!

Wow, Frankie. Mike's looking awful good out there.

I know!

'Course, if Jack Meenahan was here, he wouldn't stand a chance.

Where are they, by the way? They never miss a block party.

Oh, you didn't hear? The Meenahans got foreclosed on

and had to move out in the middle of the night.

Are you serious? Sally told me they were just visiting family.

They are now.

I heard the Johnsons are on the verge of "visiting family," too.

- Yeah. - Oh, no.

And then I looked around and realized

a lot of our neighbors were gone.

We had hot dogs but no buns, drinks but no cups,

macaroni and cheese with no forks.

Man, this party blows.

Only thing good about it is the no forks thing.

I got to bounce in a minute.

Spanish test Tuesday. Got to study.

Crap! There's a test Tuesday? How are we supposed to know?

She writes everything on the board in Spanish.

Guess I'm gonna be sick that day.

Wait. How do you know that?

I know it, Darrin, 'cause I'm gonna pretend to be sick.

You can't. That's Jack's party.

Your parents will never let you go to a party after you've missed school.

Sure they will, 'cause I'm gonna do the "sick, not sick."

Just got to lay a little groundwork.

Like, the night before the test, I'll be "too sick"

to go to that hoosier game you invited me to.

Hey. Since Axl's gonna be sick, can I go with you?

There is no game, Darrin.

I'm gonna pretend there's a game,

then pretend to be too sick for it, therefore "too sick"

the next day to go to school and take the test.

And then, 'cause I'm young and awesome,

I speedily recover in time for Jack's party.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. It's just a little tickle.

Like taking candy from an old baby.

"Sound trumpets! Let our bloody colors wave!

And either victory, or else a grave!"

About a week ago,

Brick discovered the complete works of William Shakespeare.

We didn't always know what he was saying,

but it was a cool party trick.

Hey, you got one with trees in it?

"Thy huntress' name that my full life doth sway.

O rosalind! These trees shall be my books."

Weird, right?

Yeah.

Rain.

Eh, too easy if you pick the category yourself, Brick.

No. Rain, dad. It's raining.

Frankie? Rain!

Axl! Sue! Rain!

Okay. Why were we panicked over a little rain?

I'll get the bowls. You get the pots and pans.

You go right. I'll go left.

I knew I should have saved those margarine containers.

"The sky, it seems, would pour down stinking pitch."

Not now, Brick! Go, go, go!

They're in the hall, too!

Brick, go to the living room!

Screw the family photos! Cover the tv! You know this!

Right!

Remote!

Got it.

Good job, everybody.

Think we shaved some time off the last rain.

Okay, this is ridiculous.

We have to get a new roof.

Good idea.

I'll go dig up the gold bars we buried in the backyard.

What about our emergency fund?

Went towards paying off Brick's cavity.

"But they whose guilt within their bosoms lie,

imagine every eye beholds their blame."

You know, Brick, that was cute at the block party,

but we'd all had a lot of beers.

Brad, stop!

Just because you're captain of the freshman football team

doesn't make you invincible!

How bad is our football team?

Chillax, woman. I can drive if I want.

But you're drunk, Brad! You're stinking drunk!

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Heck.

I am not drunk.

What you just saw is a simulation of something that's going on in high schools

all over the country... And maybe even in Europe.

It's all a part of our skit.

Brad and I are team sober non-texting and driving ambassadors.

We were specially chosen out of the entire school.

And we're still looking for volunteers to perform an educational skit

during "don't be scared, be aware" week.

We get to write, direct, and perform in front of the whole student body.

Everyone is counting on us! Aah!

Axl, you don't sound too good.

I don't feel too good.

I'm supposed to go to that hoosier game with Sean tonight.

I guess I should call him and tell him I can't go.

Whoa, you are sick.

Okay, you know, just go get into bed.

We'll bring you something in there.

We don't need you hacking over all our food.

Okay.

And the way you're sounding, you might have to miss school tomorrow.

No! I have to go! I have a test tomorrow!

I've been studying and everything!

You'll just have to make it up, Axl.

If you're sick, you're sick.

You think he's faking?

No, he was coughing at the block party.

Hey, you're up.

I'm actually feeling a little better.

I just wish I could figure out what to do about this stupid party tonight.

You're sick, Axl. You're not going to any party.

I know. I don't even want to go. It's just...

It's this surprise party for Jack,

and his mom wanted me to keep him busy at Joe's subs

till it's time, and then get him there,

but I guess I can just call Darrin and have him do it.

You can't count on Darrin. He's an idiot.

Crap. What time is the party?

6:30.

That's in 20 minutes, Axl.

I can't believe you have been home all day,

and you're just now dealing with this.

Did you even call his mom?

I've been sick.

Well, you don't look bad now.

You made the commitment,

so you're just gonna have to suck it up and go to the party.

Here, take some gas money.

- Oh, I don't need any-- - Take it! Go!

What? Sick at school and then a party that night?

Who could be this awesome? Funny you should ax.

You are my God.

Nicely done.

But wait, what are you gonna do about tomorrow?

We only took the written part of the test today.

Tomorrow's the oral exam.

What? Uh... okay, okay, let's see.

Well, looks like I'm gonna have to be sick again.

I'm just gonna have to do the "sick, not sick, sick."

But we have a game tomorrow.

Let me finish.

I mean the "sick, not sick, sick... Not sick."

God.

Yes.

Look at this!

"Betty Robinson, 97, killed after driving off bridge."

Oh, God. That's horrible.

Do we know her?

No, we don't! But she was texting and driving!

Brad and I became team sober non-texting and driving ambassadors just in time.

Well, not just in time.

Huh.

Think it just fixed itself?

Aah!

Mike, get in here! Sue, get some towels!

Right!

What did you do?

Oh, I don't know.

I just got bored, decided to flood the house!

I didn't do anything! Can you turn it off?

I'm trying! Quit stepping on my leg!

Towels are still wet from the leaky roof!

- Go get the laundry! - Right!

I swear, I'd burn this place down if it wasn't flooded!

Axl, help!

God. I will. Just give me a minute.

In case you guys haven't noticed, I'm sick.

Look at him.

You knew he was sick and you sent him to that party.

Yeah, let's drop everything and have that conversation!

Axl, forget about school. Just-- just go back to bed.

Ohh! The water is headed for the tv!

Build a dam! Hurry!

"O, woe is me, "to have seen what I have seen, see what I--" Eh.

Even Shakespeare never got this tragic.

I just don't know what we're gonna do, Bob.

We're busting our butts to pay the mortgage on a house

that is obviously trying to kill us.

Well, you know the girl that cuts my hair--

Brooke, down at the barber college?

6 bucks!

I hate to see her graduate. She really knows my head.

This going anywhere, Bob?

Anyway, her dad got laid off.

You know, so they had to move out of the house,

so they rented an apartment at Hickory Arms.

The cheese and sausage place?

- No, that's farms. This is arms. - Oh.

So they weren't thrilled about downsizing, but you know what?

They pay less than they did before, and they love it.