The Last of Us

Host: And that's your biggest worry?

Dr. Schoenheiss: Yes, any kind of virus,

but most probably something similar

to influenza.

Host: Because of air travel.

Schoenheiss: Through the air.

- Coughing... - Uh, I-I'm sorry.

I meant people. On planes.

Uh, that was something you described in your book.

Schoenheiss: Yes, a new virus in Madagascar, say,

could be in Chicago within a matter of weeks.

And we end up with a global pandemic. Pan meaning "all."

The whole world becomes sick all at once.

Hm... and, uh, Dr. Neuman,

you're also an epidemiologist.

I presume the prospect of a viral pandemic

keeps you up at night as well.

- No. - No?

- No. - All right, well, that's our show.

- (audience laughs) - No.

Mankind has been at war with the virus from the start.

Sometimes, millions of people die, as in an actual war.

But in the end, we always win.

Uh, but you... Uh, just to be clear, you, you do think

microorganisms pose a threat.

Oh, in the most dire terms.

- Bacteria. - No.

- You like saying no. - Yes.

Not bacteria. Not viruses.

- So? - Fungus.

Yes, that's the usual response.

Fungi seem harmless enough.

Many species know otherwise.

Because there are some fungi who seek not to kill...

but to control.

Let me ask you,

where do we get LSD from?

- Where do you get it from? - (audience laughs)

Dr. Neuman: It comes from ergot, a fungus.

Psilocybin? Also a fungus.

Viruses can make us ill,

but fungi can alter our very minds.

There's a fungus that infects insects.

Gets inside an ant, for example,

travels through its circulatory system to the ant's brain,

and then floods it with hallucinogens,

thus bending the ant's mind to its will.

The fungus starts to direct the ant's behavior,

telling it where to go, what to do,

like a puppeteer with a marionette.

And it gets worse.

The fungus needs food to live,

so it begins to devour its host from within,

replacing the ant's flesh with its own,

but it doesn't let its victim die.

No, it... it keeps its puppet alive

by preventing decomposition.

How? Where do we get penicillin from?

- (quickly) Fungus. - Oh...

Dr. Schoenheiss, you're in distress.

Fungal infection of this kind is real,

but not in humans.

True, fungi cannot survive

if its host's internal temperature is over 94 degrees.

And currently, there are no reasons for fungi to evolve

to be able to withstand higher temperatures.

But what if that were to change?

What if... for instance,

the world were to get slightly warmer?

Well, now there is reason to evolve.

One gene mutates and an ascomycete, uh, candida, ergot,

cordyceps, aspergillus, any one of them could become

capable of burrowing into our brains

and taking control not of millions of us, but billions of us.

Billions of puppets with poisoned minds

permanently fixed on one unifying goal:

to spread the infection to every last human alive

by any means necessary.

And there are no treatments for this.

No preventatives, no cures.

They don't exist. It's not even possible

to make them.

So if that happens?

We lose.

Uh, we'll be back.

- (vehicle drives off) - (dog barking)

- (knocks at door) - Sarah: Alarm.

- (Joel grunting) - Sarah: Alarm!

- Where's the pancake mix? - Joel: Oh, was I...

Yeah, I was. Sorry.

I was gonna make you birthday pancakes.

: I swear.

You know I don't really like pancakes.

I know you don't like them. It was for my benefit.

Vitamin C.

You get your, uh, homework done?

- Fractions? - (chuckling)

How old are you again?

Thirty-six.

Gonna have to wear diapers soon.

Who says I don't already?

Shell.

Calcium.

Joel: Lovely.

- (garage door opening) - Is there enough for Uncle Tommy?

Well, there would've been.

Ay!

You're still alive, you old fucker.

Aw, he loves you.

He's dependent on me. Not the same.

- I think it's the same. - Tommy: It's definitely the same.

I thought we was havin' pancakes.

We'll pick you somethin' up on the road.

- Concrete guys gonna be there? - Yeah, they said maybe.

Maybe? We can't frame until we pour.

We're not gettin' paid until we frame.

Well, we could bring someone else on,

- get the job done faster. - No, no.

I'm not splittin' this job.

I barely wanna split it with you.

We could work a double.

- Literally? Today? - I know. I'd be done by nine.

By nine, right?

Yeah.

I'll bring back a cake.

I promise.

Reporter (on radio): Continued disturbances in Jakarta,

but are advising U.S. citizens...

Jakarta. Where is that, Middle East?

Tommy: Doesn't ring a bell. It's definitely a country.

- Or maybe part of Asia? - Jakarta isn't a country.

Being a part of Asia isn't mutually exclusive with being a country,

and in fact, it's the capital of Indonesia.

Tommy: Shit. Hope for us yet.

All right.

Finish up quick, we'll drop you off.

- I'm still eating my eggshells. - You got seven minutes.

Your t-shirt's inside out.

Shit.

He's losin' it.

- (car honks) - Joel (shouts): Sarah!

Mr. Adler: Hey, neighbor!

Oh, hi.

Uh, Connie was askin' after you,

since you haven't been over in a while.

Make 'em happy.

I could come by after school, but just for, like,

- a little bit? - Oh, she'll take whatcha got.

Y'all can bake, whatever.

Speakin' of...

we got a lotta extra here.

Y'all, y'all want some biscuits?

Dad, you love biscuits.

I do.

But I'm on Atkins.

- Mr. Adler: On what now? - It's, uh... You know what?

We gotta run, but Sarah'll be by later.

She'll stay as long as you want.

Tell ya all about Atkins.

Mr. Adler: Great! I'll let Connie know.

Solid.

Can't tell you how exciting it was listenin' to that fuckin' conversation.

Put that out.

Happy birthday to you.

Want you to write this diagram out exactly as I have it.

Always subject and predicate.

Verb and noun.

Okay, the sentence is, "Where are you going?" Subject is you.

You... are going.

Predicate.

Where, adverb.

You see it? Okay. Have some nods, shaking of heads.

I swear you will use this later in life.

Believe me, that's why you're here.

Okay? So... (muffled)

Mrs. Lauterstein: Yes, you need to know this!

Yes, it's on your test next week!

Homework is due end of class tomorrow!

Twenty.

Sarah: That's it?

Okay, 30.

Twenty's good.

It's a spring. I'll do it right now.

Nasir: All day. I swear.

- We're closing. - Nasir: Huh?

We're done for today.

- It's 3:15, we close at 7. - (speaking Arabic)

- I'm very sorry. He cannot finish. - Nasir: I'm already finished.

You should go home.