Benji's Hour

- -

- -

Shh! Quiet. Look.

- -

Shit.

Hey. Good stuff. Nice job, bud.

- Yo, what's good? - Yo.

Yo, how you doing? How are you?

Yo. What's good?

Hey. How are you? Nice to see you.

Yo. What's up bro?

Chug! Chug! Chug!

- -

- -

- -

- -

- -

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Yeah. You know--

I didn't have to fucking bail you out.

You know, you ruined my night. I was with somebody.

I wasn't the one that fucking called you.

Shut up. Shut up!

We're leaving. Excuse me!

Thank you.

I'm not gonna forget about that bail.

All right? You owe me!

- All rise. - Be seated.

The People of the State of New York

versus Benjamin Hayes.

I accept the terms of the agreement.

The alternative is juvenile detention.

Mr. Hayes, which will it be?

Benjamin, the court requires your decision now.

I'm running behind, Marty.

Can you show Benjamin where the community service office is?

You got it.

Gentlemen.

Oh, hey there, hon. You must be Benjamin!

Nope.

Oh, my mistake.

W-Well, what can I do you for, sweetie?

No, yeah... No, I'm him.

Yeah, I was joking. I'm Ben. Benji.

Oh.

Quite the trickster. Yay. They, um,

they told me, you know, you were,

whoever you may be, you were coming in today.

Look, um,

I know you're not working here by choice, per se,

but it's still really great to have you on board.

Hey.

Shake on that.

You want apple juice or something?

I'm allergic.

Oh- hey, I have a friend who's allergic to apples,

if you can believe that, right?

I'm not allergic to apples.

I'm allergic to the idea of apple juice.

Figure you ought to know that about me.

Uh-huh. I see.

No, I'm joking.

Ah!

You got me, you got me. You're good.

Dude, you are so good.

Okay, well, um, come on, sit, sit, sit.

Yeah. I, I can, uh,

get comfortable, I'll give you the rundown.

Oh. No, great. Yeah, 'cause it's so much healthier to stand.

So that was, thank you for that.

So basically what we do here

is we make wigs for cancer patients because

people who have cancer, they tend to lose their hair.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, no, of course you do. What is the matter with me? Wow.

I'm so off my game today. Um...

Anyway, so your job will be, you know,

boxing up wigs for shipping, putting labels on 'em,

sweeping, sweeping, sweeping. You know,

like a barbershop, sweeping, sweeping, sweeping

and, you know, occasional delivery.

Real simple, easy stuff like that.

Stop!

Um, yeah.

We don't really need you to start until tomorrow,

but it, it, it, it was so great that you, you came by and

see the place, we got to say hi.

Thank you so much for coming by.

Have a nice day.

- -

- -

Uh-oh.

Well, howdy do there, Benji?

Hi.

Did you get some milk while you were out?

No, I forgot.

Fine. When you don't have any milk for your cereal

in the morning, I don't want to hear bitching, okay?

M'kay.

Anyway, I'm gonna go out for a little bit,

so I left some uh, leftover mac and cheese

in the fridge, in case you get hungar.

Hunger, I mean, in case you get hungar...

in case, in case you get hunger-ey.

Where you going?

Since when do I have to explain my whereabouts to you?

I don't ask where you're going.

Granted, you're the one got yourself arrested, so...

That's fair.

-Excuse me? -Forget it.

-No, I'm not gonna forget it. -Please, Mom.

-What? -Please.

-What? -Come on.

What "Come on"?

You think I don't know how you spent

your time after Dad left?

And how might that be?

You were fucking there, you remember.

Oh, no. Well, no, I guess you wouldn't.

Think you're real hot shit, don't you?

Yeah. No, you're right. You're right, Benji.

You got it all fucking figured out.

But as long as you're here and you're under my roof--

You mean the roof that you stole.

Your father went where he went

because he stopped being able to tell the difference

between me and a punching bag.

Okay? So when you're here under my roof--

-His roof. -It's my fucking roof!

As long as you are here under my fucking roof...

...you'll show me a little bit of respect.

After that...

...I don't fucking give a fuck what you do.

Yeah, you don't tell me where you're going,

I'm not going to know what fucking ditch

to pick you up in.

-Psst. -Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

-Look, I'm a working man. -Hi.

Fucking kidding me.

-With nothing. Nothing! -Oof.

Yo, Benji.

Yeah, sorry.

-So? -So?

Forget it.

What?

Ah, no, you can just,

let's start by telling me how it went,

what they're having you do.

I'm cleaning shit.

Cleaning shit, what like bathrooms?

I'm proud of you.

-Why? -I need a reason?

I don't know, are you high?

Oh, what now I have to be smacked to be proud of you?

What are you doing? I mean, look on the bright side.

Bright side?

It's gotten you off the streets.

What are you trying to say, Samantha?

I don't know, I just, I, for one, feel a whole lot safer so.

-Really? -What are you doing?

-It's a peaceful town. -It is.

-What about now? -No, no, no! Benji!

- Stop! - What about now?

-Put me down, Benjamin. -What about now?

Benji, no!