Mental

Oh, my God! Mum's in the backyard!

- We know! - Coral!

'Do you often feel that life is not worth living?'

Yes.

At 13, I attempted suicide and jumped off the verandah.

And just then Dad drove up.

He was knocked unconscious for five minutes.

And this event is known as...

...The Disgrace.

'Get your test results.'

- Coral! - I'm bipolar?!

Coral, Mum's gone off again.

- What? Gone off where? - Off her head!

The embarrassment is total!

You're the oldest, Coral! Do something!

I can't do anything. I'm mad too. I'm bipolar. Maybe even schizophrenic.

Quick, Google 'schizophrenic'.

I have mood swings, high-to-moderate depression

and I think people are plotting against me!

Look, the only thing wrong with you, Coral,

is you can't stand if someone's more mental than you.

Girls, we are having dinner at the table

as if we were a normal family.

Well, Mum's way more mental than you!

- We're more mental than you. - I'm a sociopath, Leanne's autistic.

Other people eat dinner together, so why not us?

- We looked it up. - And they talk to each other.

They tell each other about their days...

- Even Michelle's more mental than you. - She hears voices.

She told us! In her head!

And she thinks she's being followed.

By aliens!

Top that, Coral.

When your father gets home, Jane... can say grace.

Dad's not coming.

He hasn't had dinner with us since The Disgrace.

Coral!

Dad hates us, Mum.

That's because we're not a real family.

But when we start acting like one -

telling each other about our days and singing and dancing -

then he will want to be with us.

Singing and dancing? Who does that?

The Von Trapps.

Oh, no.

I always wanted to be a Von Trapp - sing Edelweiss,

wear little matching outfits.

Be a credit to Austria.

Somehow I got things wrong.

I... ruined... everything.

I've let you girls run wild. Everyone says.

We're an embarrassment to your father.

Don't you see the way people stare at us?

They're... they're staring at you, Mum.

Well, soon, they'll be staring in envy.

At our togetherness.

At our normality.

Michelle.

Michelle.

Michelle.

Oh. Oh. Oh!

Oh! Oh, dear. Ohh.

Oh! Argh!

Oh... Oh.

Hi, Nancy.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Oh. Oh, no!

Oh, not again.

'Course I... I said to myself,

'Don't run over the bins, Shirley.

Whatever you do, don't run over those bins.'

And, of course, what do I do?

I run over the bins.

At least I didn't run over your bins, Nancy.

People in this neighbourhood spend a lot of time and effort

in keeping their homes presentable.

I scrub my drive with a toothbrush. But what's the point...

What is the point?

...when all I can think about is garbage because of you and your bins?

You're a disgrace.

An absolute disgrace.

Nancy... sorry.

'While most schizophrenics hear voices...'

I don't hear voices.

'..Some may briefly stabilise at a pre-psychotic level,

presenting without delusions and hallucinations.'

I'm pre-psychotic.

Hey, Trout. I'm pre-psychotic.

You're a fuckin' freak.

You're in charge of the shark show.

OK. Great. Cool.

What? What shark show?

The new one in the basement.

Trevor Blundell's Jaws Of Terror.

Woo!

Um, Trevor Blundell's Terrible Jaws.

That's 'Trevor Blundell's Jaws Of Terror'.

Who cares?

This is Trevor Blundell.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Blundell. It's Coral Moochmore here.

Your new assistant.

Are you gonna fire me?

I wouldn't mind. I hate sharks.

You should hate sharks, Coral.

They're vicious, murdering thugs.

Did that big one really eat a prime minister

or did you just make that up?

Grab a torch and go to the great white, Coral.

I was only eight years old when it attacked me boat.

It was me or him.

Go to the jaws.

It takes a great white three days to digest a meal, Coral.

I killed him on 24th June 1968.

Harold Holt disappeared 23rd June.

What's that mean?

It means any prime minister it ate for breakfast

was still in its stomach when it died.

Now shine the light down its gullet.

I don't want to.

But you don't believe there's anything there.

Do it, Coral. Look inside.

No.

Is that fear I hear in your voice?

Yeah.

Then tell me you believe this is the shark that ate Harold Holt.

This is the shark that ate Harold Holt.

Good.

Now, you tell everyone else who comes in the same thing.

Make 'em believe it too.

It's a... it's a mask. It's a mask.

G'day, Mrs. Moochmore. How are ya?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

Bet you want a big jam and cream doughnut this mornin', don't ya?

Oh. Well, no.

Of course ya do. And an iced coffee to go with it.

- An iced coffee. - Just an iced coffee.

- No doughnut? - No, not this morning.

Kay, Mrs. Moochmore reckons she doesn't want a jam and cream doughnut.

What are you talkin' about?

You always have a jam and cream doughnut, Mrs. Moo.

- She's pullin' your leg, Manda. - No, I'm not.

Oh, we'll give you two. She's dying for one.

No, really. I...

$5.50, Mrs. Moochmore.

But I... I don't want it.

What are you talking about? Gone to all this trouble.

Enjoying that, Mrs. Moochmore?

Oh, yes, thank you.

You want another one?

Oh... no, thank you.

Moo.

- What? - Shirley.

- Mm? Oh! - What are you doing?

You promised me no more fattening foods. Don't you care about your health?

I do. I do.

Well, if you don't care, how do you expect me to care?

Oh, I do care. And I care that you care.

I brought the girls. They've just been glazed.

Oh.

Elizabeth the 1st.

For the competition.

I'm doing Elizabeth the 1st.

Now, feel Miriam's hair.

Go on.

Nylon.

Now feel Yvette's.

Feel the difference?

Human.

I want to do Elizabeth the 1st with human hair.

Red human hair.

Do you think, urn, Jane would like to visit me this afternoon?

Jane? Oh, I'm sure she would.

I'll pick her up after school, then.

You know, I think I will have cream.

I don't think Barry loves me anymore.

What? Well, did Barry say that?

Well, then, how do you know?

He never looks at me.

He never says anything to me.