The Middle

Throughout humankind, man has celebrated

the culmination of a long, harrowing journey

by planting a flag, to say you climbed that Mountain,

achieved the unachievable, made it through another school year.

It's summer!

And you bought a tiki torch. Yep.

This is gonna transform our backyard

into an island paradise. Well, if we're going for paradise, we're probably

gonna want to fish that dead possum out of the pool.

We made it, Mike.

Only four days till the end of school.

After all those forms and field trips and homework

and Ms. Rinsky...

We deserve this tiki torch.

It is time to get our summer on! Ooh!

Not so fast.

Summer's not officially on till my graduation on Friday,

when you watch me accept my special award,

presented by the principal in front of everyone. Aah!

Oh, honey.

Well, you certainly earned it.

Boy, did she earn it. Sue'd set her sights

on the perfect attendance award years ago,

and nothing was gonna make her miss a day of school.

Here.

I did it. I put myself and countless others at risk,

but it was worth it!

We're very proud.

Hi, Ms. Jacobs. I wanted to talk to you about--

Are you a new student? No. I'm Sue. Sue Heck.

I bring the lunch money report in to you every morning

from the main office. I say, "hi, Ms. Jacobs.

Everything's here," and then I give you a little wave.

Really? Huh.

So anyway, I wanted to talk to you

about my perfect attendance award. Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but no one's getting

that perfect attendance award this year. Nobody earned it.

Yes, somebody earned it. I earned it.

My attendance was perfect.

Oh, I see the problem.

You were absent on October 13th.

You're not gonna get anything at the ceremony,

but you should still congratulate yourself.

I spend my whole life congratulating myself.

I want other people to congratulate me.

Sorry. Next.

No one else is here.

I know. Nice meeting you.

Paradise, huh?

Wow, Brick. Can you believe it?

Only a couple more days till you're a fourth grader.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's gonna happen.

What?

Apparently, I missed some sort of journal assignment,

and if I don't turn it in,

I'm not necessarily moving up to fourth grade.

Damn it, Brick! How does this keep happening?

You're the smartest kid I know, and every year we got to wonder

whether you're gonna make it to the next grade!

I know it's frustrating. I kept thinking I was gonna do it,

but then I just didn't. I blame myself partly.

I blame yourself all-of-ly. Now you're gonna go, and you're

gonna find out what's required, and you're gonna get it done.

We are not spending another year with Ms. Rinsky!

I hope you know

you have sent me to the dumbest school in the world!

Seemed like a good fit.

So I didn't do my community service--

You know, like, helping poor people or whatever--

And if I don't get my 30 hours done by Friday,

they're saying I'll flunk civics, and we'll have to pay

for some stupid class I have to take in the summer! And you're just telling us now?

Why didn't you do the assignment?

Because... It shouldn't be an assignment!

They're forcing me to help people against my will!

I don't know. Doesn't that seem like communism or something?

Did I use that right? As much as I'd love to join in on

your war on community service, you're doing it.

Mom!

Oh, come on!

The school thinks I was absent October 13th.

They said I didn't earn the perfect attendance award.

We have to find documentation. We have to prove I was there!

Here you go. Oh...

Eh, don't bother. We're a long way from summer.

You know the old saying--

"Never buy a tiki torch before its time."

That isn't really a saying, but trust me, don't do it.

Oh, um, Ms. Rinsky, quick question.

About the assignment I'm scheduled to hand in on Friday--

You didn't do it. Oh, no, I did it.

I just want to double-check that I did it correctly.

So, uh, just to confirm, on the... monthly journal?

Daily.

Yes, daily-- Uh, that's what I meant--journal that I did,

I assume by "daily,"

you meant I was supposed to write in it every day?

That's right. Every day.

'Cause that's exactly what I did.

Now remind your mommy that it's due on Friday,

and when I say Friday, I mean Friday.

No need. We are totally on top of it.

We're doomed.

Doomed.

Don't you say that.

We got three days to tiki torch, and you are getting it done.

But I can only remember

the days I wasn't in the me of a book.

What did I do on September 8th?

That was the first day of school, and after school, we...

I don't know. You know,

maybe it would be easier if we start with holidays.

Thanksgiving-- There was turkey, and... someone was over.

Wait. Did we go to Janet's? No. Yes?

Wow. I should be able to remember this.

What was wrong with me?

I mean, I used to have a great memory, but lately...

I know I came in here for something.

Hello?

Wait. Sorry. Who did I just call?

Mike, this is really important--

Hang on a sec.

Okay, what?

Thanks. Now I don't remember.

What were we talking about again?

How you don't remember anything.

Right.

God! I've been looking at pamphlets for a whole hour.

That should count as one of my hours right there.

29 more to go. Whoo!

Stop screwing around and pick something.

Tons of good options here. Helping out at a nursing home.

No.

Planting trees. No!

Nothing sad, nothing hard, nothing gross.

How about washing--

Unless that ends in "hot chicks" that's a definite "no."

Hey, I could help people who can't play video games,

like, if they don't have thumbs or something. Oh. Hey, look at that. They have that right here.

Really?

No, not really, you idiot. Come on.

You got 20 waking hours to do 30 hours of community service.

I'm picking for you.

Here. "Meals that heal" and "time with tots." Done.

Or I could just stay in my room and jam and come up

with an awesome song that'll make the whole world happy.

The world's been through enough. Make the call.

What are you doing up?

What are you doing up?

I can't sleep.

Not allowed to sleep.

Hey, isn't that mom's frosting?

I need it a lot more than she does right now.

So how are you doing?

I'm up to December,

and I'm realizing from the things that I'm remembering,

that we spend an awful lot of time watching tv.

Wait a minute. You did October?

Do you have any idea what happened on October 13th?

Let me check. "Went to library.

"Someone checked out 'the pelican brief'

"and never returned it. I wonder if it was me.

"Axl called Sue a big tomato 'cause of her dorky red shirt."

Oh, my God. You remember I was wearing red?

Like I said, on days without books, my recall is very good.

If I was wearing red, it means I went to the orthodontist,

'cause I'm a gum-bleeder and red hides the gum blood.

So I must have been late to school,

and they must have gotten mixed up and marked me as absent!

All I need is a note from the orthodontist, and I'm in!

Oh, hon, this just says that you went to the orthodontist.

That doesn't mean that you came to school after.

But I did. As a matter of fact,

after I get my braces tightened, my teeth always hurt,

so I remember going to the nurse to get an ibuprofin.

Well, I guess if you could get the nurse to vouch for the--

Do you remember on February 16th,

you took Arlo and me

to get ice cream, but you forgot your wallet?

Who was that friend who lent you the money?

I don't know, Brick. I don't remember any of it.

I'm standing here with a ball of twine in my hand,

and I don't even know why.

Look, Rinsky's not gonna read every page,

so you just need to start making stuff up. I don't want to lie.

You think the kids in your class are stupid now?

Wait till you're in a class with kids a year younger than you.

"Today I went skydiving."

Yeah.

Hey, nurse Fahler.

Hi. Are you a new student?

No. I'm Sue. Sue Heck? I need to prove I was here October 13th.

I was in a red shirt 'cause my gums bleed,

and Allison Scott me in at the same time--

Oh, I love Allison Scott. She's a spark plug, isn't she?

Yeah, she is. So anyway--

You know it's her birthday next week?

We're not that close. So anyway, she had really bad cramps,

so you asked if I could get her purse for her

from the band room. Well, I remember Allison getting the purse,