Merv

Let's take a look at the holiday forecast.

Eleven and a half inches

hit Downtown Boston last night.

Looks like it's going to be a very white Christmas.

Better gas up those snowblowers because there's more on the way.

Ugh.

Come on, help me out here, Merv.

Wh-Where's your other bootie?

Fine. We'll just MacGyver it.

Merv, come on.

Come on, bud, please.

I know, Merv.

It sucks for me, too, okay?

All right, buddy. In you go.

Merv, go on.

I'll see you next week.

I love you, bud.

Go on. Good boy.

Hi, Mervy. Hi, buddy.

Good boy.

Stay.

Yeah. Hi, buddy.

I missed you.

Ugh.

Worst MacGyver ever.

Let's get you fixed up, okay?

Come on.

How's that feel?

Yeah.

That feel... feel nice?

Okay, Merv.

I have something to tell you.

Look at me.

The thing is...

me and Russ...

Oh, no.

He's not here.

And he's not gonna be.

I miss him, too, but it was too hard.

I know it's hard, buddy.

You're gonna be okay.

All right.

High five. Yeah.

He's the best one.

And he's coming home with us.

Oh.

Christmassy.

-Mm-hmm. -Too much?

Uh, I'm pretty certain people like holiday spirit.

On your bed.

On your bed.

Aw.

-What's up with him? -I don't know.

He's just been so tired lately.

You're okay, right, buddy?

Plus, I got him some new snacks.

Oh, no. Not the snacks.

Please tell me they aren't the dried bull penis things again.

They're his favorite.

Plus the pig snouts and the dried sardines,

which make his coat all nice and shiny.

Okay, it's no wonder you're not dating, because you're literally just

walking around with dried fish in your purse.

I'm not dating because I don't want to date.

Okay, come on. It's been six months.

And... you're lonely.

-I'm not. -Yeah.

No. Just 'cause I'm single doesn't mean I'm lonely.

Don't be that girl.

Okay, but I am that girl, and you won't be

when you meet the stud that is "Mr. Lover Lover 101,"

who might have just sent you a winky emoji on Hinge.

I'm not on Hinge.

That's what you think. I signed you up.

You're welcome. No, it's too late.

Plus, you better get in there because Mrs. Mabachas is waiting.

You left Mrs. Mabachas alone in my room?

You're welcome.

My tía Gabriela, my tía Juliana,

my tía Francisca, my tía Adriana and my other tía Adriana.

My tía Sofia, my tía Daniela and my tía Gloria.

Is that everyone, Bonnie?

-Oh. And me, Bonnie. -Great. Well done.

Okay, big hand for Bonnie, guys.

It's a real aunt farm you have there.

Well done, everyone.

I learned so much about your families.

-Yes, Shauna. -Where's your family tree?

Mine?

Oh, I didn't... I didn't do one.

Aw.

All right, all right.

Well, it's not very interesting, but very quickly...

Granny Jess, Grandpa Michael, Grandpa Matt, Granny Amy.

They had my dad Jack.

And they had my mom MJ.

And they had me, Mr. Owens.

Oh, and, uh, who's that?

-Merv. -Exactly.

-Wait, wait, wait. -So, what...

That's it?

Don't you have a wife or something?

A wife?

Um...

no, I guess I don't.

My cousin says you're dating her eye doctor.

Well, I'm not sure how your cousin would know that.

She has glaucoma.

Oh, right. Sorry.

-So, are you dating her or what? -No, I'm not dating her.

I was, um, but I'm not anymore.

-Why not? -Anyway...

Well, now, Shauna, that's one of those personal questions

we talked about, remember?

Did she run off with your best friend? That happened to my tía Juliana.

Nope, she didn't run off with my best friend.

Let's...

Is it because you still like dinosaurs?

No, it's not 'cause I still like dinos...

What...

Excuse me, dinosaurs are educational, they are cool,

and it's not because I still like dinosaurs.

Are there any more questions?

Don't you want any kids?

-Mr. Owens? -Are you too old to have kids?

Let's just do some independent reading, shall we?

So tell me if this is better...

one or better two?

-They're both blurry. -Okay.

How about now?

Neither one.

Mrs. Mabachas.

-Mm-hmm? -You have my stapler

and my snowman pen in your bag.

Mrs. Mabachas.

How was Norway?

-What? -You were telling me

that you and your boyfriend, you were planning that vacation.

-Yeah, we didn't end up going. -Oh, honey, that is too bad.

He was so good-looking.

Those nice, shapely cheekbones and those plump, luscious lips.

Uh-huh.

That's very sweet, but how did you know that?

Well, 'cause you used to have that, uh... that nice picture frame on your desk.

You know, the one with the really pretty frame.

Do you want it back?

You can have it.

Merry Christmas.

Hey, are you okay? I mean, you look sad.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but you can barely see.

I don't need to see it, honey.

I can feel it.

Oh!

-Hey. -Hey, hey.

Hey. What...

What are you up to? You okay?

Oh, nothing. Just a little stress relief.

Uh, Rebekah and I are taking the twins to see, uh, Disney on Ice again.

Oh, cool. That sounds fun.

Not when it's your third time seeing it!

Well, maybe, uh, do you want to grab a beer first?

Don't tempt me.

However, I do know someone who would love to get a beer with you.

Oh, don't. I'm not calling your mortgage broker.

Come on, man.

Brené got us a great rate. Plus, might be good for you.

Why? Why would it be good for me?

Maybe because you've been a miserable drip lately.

No, I haven't.

You didn't come to the game with me. Hmm?

And you didn't come for birthday pizza.

Look, man, I know this time hasn't been easy for you,

but I think it's about time you started hanging out with other people.

I do hang out with other people.

Those nine-year-olds in there do not count.

Well, I appreciate your concern. I'm just...

really enjoying being by myself right now.

Oh, really? On Christmas?

It's not Christmas.

And B: I have Merv.

The dog?