I Love Lucy

In this city live Lucy and Ricky Ricardo.

Of course, you know Ricky

as a famous orchestra leader and singer

and Lucy as the famous, uh...

Well, she's... her hair is very red,

and she's married to Ricky.

In this district, close to theaters

and nightclubs where Ricky works,

they have a little apartment

where they laugh, love, and thoroughly enjoy life.

They live in this apartment here on the seventh floor.

Now, let's look in.

No, no, no, not that apartment.

Yes, that's right.

Okay.

It's 11:00 now.

They should be getting up.

Ricky is one of those individuals

who wakes up in the morning bright and cheery.

On the other hand,

Lucy is one of those individuals

who, when she wakes up in the morning...

He looks like he got in later than I did.

I wonder whatever happened to my type.

Ricky? Ricky?

Ricky?!

Yes, Lucy, what is it?

If you had known how I look in the morning,

would you still have married me?

Well, would you?

I'm trying to decide.

I was just teasing you, honey.

You look beautiful to me all the time.

You were not "tizzing" me.

I know you, Ricky Ricardo.

Just because you're going to be a big television star,

you're casting me aside like an old shoe.

Now, please, don't talk about it until it happens.

What do you want to do, "jints" me?

"Jints you?"

Yeah, jints.

J-I-N... um... um...

"X?"

"X?" Don't be ridiculous.

I don't have to spell it.

It means "bad luck."

Some sponsors are coming to the club to see my show,

and if they like it, they'll put it on television. That's all.

What night are they coming? Do you know?

No.

You do, too.

I do not.

They're going to tell my agent,

and Jerry will tell me as soon as he knows.

Well, it doesn't matter.

You'll never be a success on television anyway.

What?

What do you mean

I won't be a success on television?

You don't have a pretty girl in your act.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi, here we go again.

On television, you have to have a pretty girl

to demonstrate the sponsor's product.

Yeah?

Sure-- she eats it or drinks it or smokes it

or waxes the floor with it or cuts potatoes with it

or drives off in it.

Sure. How would you like to have your sponsor's product

demonstrated by a gorgeous redhead?

I'd love it.

You know where I can find one?

Ah... Ay!

Oh, Ricky, stop.

You're getting lather all over.

Never mind that.

Help me find my ear.

You didn't really lose an ear.

Huh?

Stop.

Okay, you talked me into it.

You can demonstrate the sponsor's product on the show.

Good. What is it?

Men's shorts.

Oh...

Now, look, Lucy, you know how I feel about this.

I don't want my wife in show business.

Why?

Why?

I asked you first.

Oh, honey, we've been over this 10,000 times.

I want a wife who is just a wife.

Now, look, all you got to do is clean the house for me,

hand me my pipe when I come home at night,

cook for me, and be the mama for my children.

You don't smoke a pipe.

It doesn't matter.

Just do the others.

You're missing a good bet.

I say you're missing a good bet.

Am I?

Yeah.

How do you figure?

Because I can sing.

Huh?

And dance.

What else?

And tell jokes.

How about it?

No.

Oh, you have no imagination.

I'll bet if Ziegfeld or Earl Carroll had seen me,

they'd sign me up like that.

As what?

As a beautiful showgirl.

Go answer the door.

Hello, Jerry.

Hiya, baby.

Well, this is it, boy.

Tonight is the night!

This is it! Tonight is the night!

S-S-Shh!

What do you mean, "Shoosh"?

Shout it from the housetops, boy. This is it!

Tonight is the night the sponsors are coming down

to catch your show for TV.

Fine, fine, but I don't want Lucy to hear.

If she knows the audition is tonight,

she'll pester the life out of me.

Oh, I see.

Well, have you got everything all set?

Sure, everything's fine.

Can you get that clown act

you want to put in the show?

You mean Pepito?

Yeah, Pepito, the fella that rides on the bicycle.

Yeah, I'll have him do the bicycle act,

and then he can do that cello bit.

That's good. Fine.

Then everything is all taken care of, huh?

Everything's fine.

Okay, I'll see you down at the club later.

All right, Jerry.

Good. Yeah. Bye-bye.

Oh, ooh! I almost forgot.

The lawyer gave me this yesterday.

He wants you and Lucy to... hey, what am I whispering for?

He wants you and Lucy to sign it,

and I'll take it right back to him.

What is it?

Well, you know, I don't think he has much confidence

that you'll be a success in television.

It's your will.

He's been talking about that for months.

Well, come on, boy. Let's get going with it.

Get it signed because on account of you

I got to take it all the way back downtown.

Hey, wait a minute, Jerry.

You run along.

I'll have Lucy take it down to the attorneys.

Lucy? Well, now, why should she

have to go all the way down there?

It'll take her most of the day,

and I won't have her in my hair during rehearsals.

Oh, I see.

Is she still trying to get in the act?

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Ah, well, I give up.

I tell you, I'll see you later, huh?

All right, Jerry.

knock 'em dead tonight.

Lucy, I got something...

Lucy?

No.

And that's final.

Hurry up, honey.

Coming, master.

Who was that at the door?

Jerry.

Jerry? What did he say?

Does he know anything yet?

What did he say? What did he say?

"What did he say? What did he say? What did he say?"

Nothing. Just business.

He brought my will.

Oh. I'll get your toast for you.

Your will?

Yeah.

What's the matter, Ricky?

Nothing is the matter.

There is, too.

You're keeping something from me.

You're sick.

I never felt better in my whole life.

Then you lied to me when we were married.

You're really older than I think.

Now, look, honey, this is just good business.

The lawyer said I should have a will.

Then everything is legally taken care of

if anything happens, that's all.

I won't discuss it.