The IT Crowd

I could have brought it in tomorrow, you know.

You didn't have to follow me home.

Jen, I know what it's like, lending money.

You do not want it hanging over you.

It's better I just get it back now before it becomes this big thing between us.

You gave it to me two hours ago and you literally haven't left my side since!

I am never going to borrow money off you again. You're a nightmare.

- There, £5. God! - Thanking you.

- Hi, Jen. - Oh, Gary, hi. How's it going?

- Good. I've finished that first wall. - Great. That was quick.

Gary's doing a bit of work around the house.

Hello.

- Have we met? - Er... no, I don't think so.

- You just look... - Oh...

- I'd better crack on. - OK.

- Bye, Roy. - He's...

- Yeah, all right. Time to go. - I don't think...

- Get out. - No, wait! Wait.

It can wait till tomorrow.

- Hey, where are you going? - Nice glasses, mate!

You look a right old muppet in them!

- Why didn't you tell me this last night? - You wouldn't let me.

- Builders From Hell ?! - I'm sure it was one of those programmes.

- Gary's a builder from hell? - I think so.

- Oh, so you're not sure? - Jen, I'm 99% sure.

Well... what did he do?

The work was fine, there was nothing wrong with the work,

but then they caught him...

- He pissed in the sink. - Oh! Oh!

Yeah...

- Which sink? - All the sinks.

Oh!

Yeah, he basically went on a pee parade around the house.

- Oh, God, I have to fire him. - I think you should, yeah.

I'm 95% sure it was him.

You... you said you were 99% sure.

I'm 97% sure it was him.

I-I have to get home. I have to get home.

Hey, man.

- You OK? - Yeah.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Wait. Was it those bullies again?

Yeah.

Oh. What do they do exactly?

They make hurtful comments, Roy.

You have to learn how to stand up for yourself, man.

OK, let's try something. Let's do some role play, OK?

- Do you think that would be a good idea? - It helped me learn how to buy sandwiches.

OK.

Let's go for it, OK? So, I'll be those bullies on the bench.

- What, all of them? - No, just one of them.

- Which one? - I don't know them, Moss.

I'm a bully on the bench, and you're going to walk past me.

But this time, after I make a "hurtful comment",

come back at me with something, OK?

Get all up in my shit.

All right? OK.

Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait. What do they usually say?

- They mention my glasses. - OK, let's start with that.

- (accent) Them glasses is shit, innit? - (sobbing)

It's too real, Roy! It's too real!

- I won't do the voice. - Thank you.

OK.

OK.

- Nice glasses. - Oh, yeah, er...

.. maybe the reason I have to wear glasses

is because I suffer from short-sightedness

and I can't... I won't... I can't put contact lenses in

cos I'm frightened of touching my eyes.

I can't... There's no way that th-these glasses... I can't... And there's no...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Stupid hair! - (sobbing)

Mr Reynholm, you seem to lack a basic understanding

Mr Reynholm, you seem to lack a basic understanding

of exactly how much trouble this company's in!

We have a financial crisis here,

and if you don't mind me saying, your attitude seems to me incredibly cavalier.

- (faint music from headphones) - What?

I can't hear you. Can't you see we're having an iPod party?

- Mr Reynholm, please! - What?

Sorry girls, you'd better go.

Girls, ship it!

Best accounting team I've ever had.

- What's your problem? - This. The iPod parties are the problem.

The gold flakes in the drinking water are the problem.

The obscene amount you spend on erotic art.

- Easy there! That's an original. - Do you know how much trouble we're in?

Do you know what the shareholders are going to do with us?

- I'm sorry, but you were getting hysterical. - No, I wasn't!

- You seemed hysterical. - No!

Anyway, don't worry about the shareholders. I can handle them.

But you've missed every meeting with them for seven weeks. Where were you last time?

You're going to hate me for this, but I fancied the day off,

so I took some of the pension money out of the bank

and I lost it on a horse.

Yes!

- Gambling with our employees' pensions? - Gambling? No.

I was riding the horse - it fell out of my pocket.

Oh, my God! I'm not hysterical!

Hi, Gary.

Oh, hello.

I thought I'd work from home today.

Sorry, bit out of breath.

Hope you don't mind.

No. Not at all.

Oh! I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you said you had a problem with your laptop.

- Mind if IT fiddle about while we speak? - Well, actually, I...

Yeah, no, good.

I can't seem to get it open.

You want me to open it?!

That's why you called me all the way up here, to open your laptop?!

I would be beholden to you.

No problem.

- Given the delicate nature of our... - (blows raspberry) Money, money, money!

That's the problem with you people - it's always about money.

Roy, give me £20.

- What? - Give me £20. I'll pay you back.

Yeah, er...

You know what I think of money?

- Oh! - That's what I think of money.

Ah, you've opened it.

Thanks, Roy.

- You're welcome. - (heavy sigh)

You do know Japan have expressed concern?

What, the whole country?

No, not the whole... Mr Yamamoto.

- He's important, isn't he? - He's the major shareholder.

He's effectively your partner.

He said, "I do hope we do not have our own Conrad Black at Reynholm Industries."

Conrad Black - the first rich person to go to prison in 300 years.

- You see it's serious? - What do you want from me?

I want you to stay out of trouble. Do nothing until the conference call tomorrow.

Let me get this right. You want me to do absolutely nothing?

Just stay out of trouble - that's all I ask.

You want me to sit on my arse all day?

I think I can handle that.

I don't think I've ever looked in this drawer.

Wow! A gun!

Roy, I'd love to take you through

my changes to the video-conferencing system in the meeting room,

but maybe I'm boring you.

- I'll never see that £20 again! - I can't believe you're not interested

in the sweet flip switch I've installed.

£20 doesn't even register to him as an amount of money!

He won't remember it.

- (phone ringing) - IT. Have you tried turning it...

Is this the guy? I need to know. I can't sit here all day staring at him.

It really looked like him, Jen. I'm 80% sure it's him.

- Are you winding me up?! - what?

You've gone down 15% !

It's still high.

I am sitting here like an idiot, and you've gone down about 15% !

Jen, how can you be keeping an eye on him while you're talking to me as well?

- Hi, Gary. - All right?

Sorry, I thought you were in the toilet.

I just wondered, erm... if you fancied a cup of tea.

- Just made you one. - Oh, yeah.

Great. Thanks.

- So how's it all going? - I've finished that other wall.