Ground Floor

Hey, Brody.

I know I was hired to replace you and now you're back upstairs.

I just wanted to make sure that there's no awkwardness between us.

No. It's all good. We're both adults.

Why are you sitting at Trolltopia?

You named the desk Trolltopia?

That's so lame. Sorry, Excelsior.

Where is my stuff?

It's on your new desk.

No. No way. That's the fart desk.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

People stop at that desk, pretend to look at the Henderson file,

and then just let it rip.

Oh, the Henderson numbers.

Oh, they are looking very...

...Very...

...Strong.

Can I at least have my chair back?

It took my three weeks to find one that was perfect for my lumbar.

These chairs are all the same.

I've had back problems, so I need a lot of extra support.

Aah!

All right, people.

I know we're all very excited to welcome back Mr. Moyer.

And like any triumphant return, it deserves a-a great speech.

Son, you have 30 seconds.

Uh... I suppose I could come up with something.

In the depth of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

I think... well said. Well said.

Now, in order to boost morale around here,

I like to have a little friendly competition,

so I want you to all prepare to get your asses kicked

in my annual three-on-three basketball tournament.

- Let's play some round ball! - Oh! I'm back just in time!

Some of you will be lucky enough to play on my team.

Mr. Moyer, you'll be my point guard.

Mr. wen, as usual, you'll be my fourth man.

I'm so happy.

He called me a man.

Just to keep things fair,

I like to give my final spot away to some random temp.

Let's see who the agency sent over.

Oh. What? Hey.

Look at you.

Son, tell me this...

have you... have you ever played basketball?

I lucked out once again.

Happy to be here, sir.

By the way, I think you might be underexposed in developing markets.

Not what you're here for.

All right. Let's get back to work.

But first, let me take a look at this Henderson file.

Hey, Harvard.

Uh, I don't know if you deal

with getting people new chairs...

No.

It's just that my back is really sore.

Um, crazy thought.

You know what might help is a massage.

Yeah, why don't I go ahead and warm up these magic fingers

so I can Google "physical therapy."

No, thanks. I-I think I'll be okay.

You need to ask that girl out, man.

I'm tired of seeing you so lonely,

and I'm tired of you coming over to my family's house

for every single holiday.

Which reminds me... arbor day is right around the corner.

And I got to get a pine-scented joint to smoke with your grandma.

Stop smoking weed with my grandma!

Ask her out, man.

There's no way I'm asking Lindsay out, okay?

Yes, she's cute and clearly very good at soccer, but she's upstairs people.

And they're just so... how can I put this?

That.

Hi, baby.

How's your first day up there? Was it all guy talk?

Money. Numbers.

Testicles.

I don't know.

No, no, no.

We discussed Threepeat's underwear situation

and then Mansfield's basketball tournament, so, yeah, a little.

I love basketball.

You know, I almost got a scholarship to play in college.

What? You never told me you almost went to college.

What happened?

We won the championship game, but I blew out my knee.

Well, you came down on it wrong?

No, not exactly.

I did it air-humping a pony keg at the after party.

Oh.

Well, does it bother you?

A little when it rains, you know, or if I move kind of weird.

I meant about not going to college.

Not really. I-I barely even think about it.

So, um... How do I sign up for, uh, the tournament?

Uh, you want to play in Mansfield's basketball tournament?

Yeah.

That's... Not a problem, is it?

Uh...

It's a huge problem.

If I beat my girlfriend at basketball, I'm a dick.

And if I go easy on her and let her win, Mansfield will be pissed

and it'll ruin my first week back upstairs.

It's a lose/lose situation.

You're so lucky you don't have a girlfriend.

Yeah. I feel lucky.

Anyway, uh, how exactly did you leave it with Jenny?

I promised I'd talk to Mansfield about her playing basketball.

Then that's exactly what you do.

You talk to Mansfield about Jenny playing basketball,

but you technically don't ask him about her playing in the tournament.

Plausible deniability. Brilliant.

I live my entire life that way.

For example, it is a true statement

when I say that I went to Yale and graduated in 2002.

Wait. Are you saying you didn't go to Yale?

I went to Yale...

...on spring break...

Oh.

...right before I graduated from UCONN in 2002.

That is genius. I could do this.

Sir?

Ah, Mr. Moyer.

Come on in. I'm just practicing my set shot.

Think fast.

Are you gonna throw the ball at me?

Well, no. No. I'm just giving you life advice.

I'm telling you to think fast.

Right.

You know, so many people play basketball.

I play basketball, you play, Jenny plays.

It's a very popular sport.

That should cover it.

Jenny plays?

What's up?

Jenny should play in the tournament.

In fact, the whole ground floor should play in the tournament.

Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea.

It's a terrible idea.

I don't know why you brought it up in the first place.

After all you've been through,

I-I would think you'd want to keep your personal and...

a-and your work life separate.

It's a... it's a lose/lose.

Yeah. Right. So we shouldn't do it.

No. It's too late. I like it. It's done.

Ow! What the hell?!

Should have been thinking fast.

Hey.

Hello.

I'm just waiting for Derrick.

He apparently has some kind of crazy-ass muffin he wants me to try.

Yeah, he told me the same thing.

I bet it's got craisins in it.

Harvard and Lindsay, I'm here to tell you

that the crazy-ass muffin club is a ruse.

You two are officially on a date.

Every time!

Come on, now. You both are perfect for each other.

You're gullible, smart, and you both think Harvard's cute.

Now, you better get your date on.

Get your date on!

I'm willing to give it a try if you are.

What would it entail?

Maybe some conversation.

For example, I like your beard.

I...Like your... Red hair.

I sort have a thing for recessive genes.

Well, every other generation of my family has a sixth toe on their left foot.

Can you take off your shoes and count to 11?

You'll have to get me into sandals to find out.

I also like science fiction.

Hello! You are going to love my book idea.

It's about a planet with not one, not two, not 10, but 8 different genders.

That sounds great.

I actually once had... bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

It's really rude to interrupt someone when they're talking about their book.

Okay.

There are 268 chapters.

Chapter one... dawn of the vag-enis.

Check me out!

Basketball team M.V.P.

Damn, if I hadn't hurt my knee, I could have been, like,

a famous WNBA player, you know?

I could have been, like, a household name like...

You can't think of one famous WNBA player, can you?

I want to say Lisa Loeb, but I... that's not right.

Hey.

Hey, babe. So, did you talk to Mansfield?

Can I play in the tournament?

Yes, I did talk to Mansfield.

And he thinks it's a terrible idea.

Mansfield said no?

Mansfield has said no.

Are you using plausible deniability on me?

These things never work out for me.

Look, I've only been back up there a day, okay?

I just want to keep my upstairs life separate.