Tre uomini e un fantasma

Three Men and a Ghost

Hello!Hello!You again? Stop harassing me!

If you keep this up, I'll call the police.

Good, do that,

so I can tell them when someone wins a prize contest

he should receive the goods in the time stated by the contest rules!

Mr. Manfredi, you've already received the prize.

I don't mean the cookware.

Hold the line.

- Hello. - It's everything?

Queen-size quilt in merino wool,

set of ceramic knives,

curling iron, electric ice crusher,

filtering pitcher.

Done, goodbye.

Hello?

I'm sorry, but I can't waste time on the phone with you.

Last year, through your company, I won a set of fine luggage

that still hasn't arrived.

The fine luggage is marked as delivered!

You admit there were five! But I got just three.

I'm missing two!

A loss of 2,245,000!

You dabble as a builder

with my money, my father's capital!

Darling, you underrate the risks an entrepreneur like me has to consider.

An entrepreneur like you?

You're just a jerk!

Give thanks for our son or I'd kick you back to the dregs.

Don't be so nasty, you'll feel sorry later.

All I'm sorry about is marrying an inept fool like you.

But I swear,

the next screw-up I'll crack your skull and send you to the hospital!

To the hospital...

Colleagues,

before us is the most extraordinary case in medical history.

The world's only human being with two hearts.

The second organ could be a rare case of parasitic twinning.

The most fascinating theory is Prof. Melville's at Houston University,

he argues the additional organ

may step in if the first stops.

So, according to Melville, this man could live twice?

No, it's extremely improbable.

It's my opinion

that the additional organ should be reserved for donation.

He's waking up!

Mr. Ferrante,

shall we remove that other heart?

Referee! Wait!

Go forward!

You gotta get over there!

No one called it!

Lacking the fundamentals.

Go for the goal!

If this keeps up, we won't win even one game in this tournament.

It's my fault, I'm not with it.

Yesterday my wife sent me to the hospital again, three stitches.

The right number for the tournament.

- Women take patience. - I resolved it, I left home.

Where did you sleep? Again in your Smart car.

Next week I'm buying a station wagon, so I can stretch my legs out.

Francsco, with your wife, use your head...

She'll get over it fast!

- What are all those packets? - Potato chips.

- You sellin' them? - Nah, I bought them.

A small investment for a prize contest I'm having a tough time with.

- You, the king of prize contests? - Yeah, the king!

I made this small investment, you know

I've won contests at the international level.

My house is full of valuable prizes!

But I'm proudest of the 70 garden dwarfs.

- Isn't it 7 dwarfs? - I won 10 times.

I may have two hearts, but your ass is really too much!

Not a winner.

Not a winner.

Not a winner...

Not a winner.

Not a winner...

Not a winner...

Can you open them more quietly?

You open with no passion, no love! We'll never win!

The paper should be pampered.

- Not a winner. - Forget it, it's not your craft.

What could you win in this contest?

What we're going to win, you mean!

This time I thought of all three.

A weekend in a 16th century luxury villa

with all comforts at our disposal!

- Total relax. - Total relax?

Total relax!

Before us, nothing, behind us, zero! Nothing to the side!

A wicked weekend ride!

Actually, it sounds very tempting.

If my wife would let me come.

- Didn't you leave home? - Until my wife decides I return.

Guys, this is the last bag of chips.

I bought them all, I spent a ton of money.

Not to know your business, but with all the money you spent,

wasn't it best to book the trip directly?

It's not the same.

Nothing like arriving as a winner! Want to be a simple tourist?

- Do I open? - Open.

Darn it, goodbye trip.

Shitty contest!

We should leave, a storm's coming.

I have another night in the Smart.

Maybe at your house... Guys!

Thanks for the hospitality! Great friends...

Let's go.

Come on.

Mimmo?

Mimmo?

Guys!

- The potato chip bag. - And so?

After all the money I threw away,

that has to be the winning bag.

- And if it weren't? - It were, I feel it.

- And now? - A mugging.

- A mugging? - Exactly.

- From the child? - It's easy.

"Like taking candy from a baby".

- Those are chips. - Even easier.

- Francesco, can you drive a scooter? - Sure, but we have a car.

We'd be the first in Naples to mug by car.

We'll count on Lello's speed, he'll do the mugging.

Are you crazy? Lello's got a sick heart!

A sick guy has something less, I have something more.

Stop making me the goalie.

With two hearts, I can run double, one tires, the other takes over.

- That's bullshit. - Think Prof. Melville is stupid!

He's stupid!

Can we get on with muggin' this child? A little concentration!

- Francesco, get in the car. - What are we doing?

Lello, watch her eat those chips.

When she brings the chips to her mouth

she leaves the bag unattended for 5/100 of a second.

That's when you mug her.

On my three, we raise hell.

Three!

You picked the worst day to leave.

I didn't pick it, the dates were Friday to Sunday.

I think we're lost, we've been going in circles for hours.

- I'm following Mimmo's directions. - Follow them faster.

It's not my fault it's pouring

or you'd rather we drive into a ravine?

Yeah, a ravine's better,

at least somethin' happens.

This vacation's already stressin' me out.

- Turn right. - Turn.

- It's my car. - But I'm driving.

I'm still the commander.

- Turn left. - Again?

This trip's beatin' me up.

Think it's easy to drive with this dude sittin' here?

The rain hasn't stopped one minute!

All we need is for the car to stop in this downpour.

You broke it? You said "stop" and it did.

Don't go there! You're sayin' it's my fault?

- Then whose is it? - This clunker's.

It's pure perfection, never seen a mechanic in twenty years.

- Not even for an oil change? - Never!

It didn't stop, it committed suicide!

Guys, the car won't start.

What do we do?

I knew it, I knew it...

I knew it!

If you knew it, why didn't you say so sooner?

I didn't want to be the usual party pooper.

Save your breath, the road's long and tortuous.

Guys, I say we're lost.

If you'd kept quiet, we wouldn't be in this mess.

You don't have any idea where we're going, say so!

Since you know everything, you take the lead.

Okay, no problem.

I saw right, there was a hole.

Why didn't you say so sooner?

I didn't want to be the usual party pooper.

Can I get a hand at least?

Come and see. We're not lost!

It was the right road, I felt it.

Look!

Up close, this villa's disappointing.

The picture on the brochure was taken in daylight.

When you arrive at night on vacation, it all seems ugly,

then, in the morning, it all gets sorted out.

Let's go! Come on baby.

No one's here to welcome us?

There'll be a welcome cocktail inside.

Let's go in.

Not even a bell, an intercom, nothing!

This is a 16th century villa, you knock.

The winners are here!

Careful, are you an idiot?

Good grief.

We're staying just one weekend and you brought a set of suitcases?

It's not a set, it's a threesome.

All this filth will be beautiful tomorrow too?

Sunlight can work miracles.

We're here! The winners of the Crick Crock Potato Chip Contest.

The honest winners.