Before I Wake

I'm sorry, Cody.

I've had a case come back across my desk that could be a very good fit.

Cody. He's eight.

His birth mother died when he was three.

And we placed him with a couple that... that turned out weren't fit.

The second couple we placed him with abandoned him.

- Oh, my God. - And I went for his annual follow up.

- I found him living alone in the apartment. - Alone?

For almost a month, we think.

Neighbors called once he started going door to door.

Look, I like this kid.

We're not supposed to have opinions like that, but I do.

He's resourceful, he's resilient.

I'm not saying these things haven't affected him.

- He's guarded, he has sleep issues. - Of course.

But for all he's been through, he hasn't let it turn him into a victim.

Which is what made me think of the two of you.

Now that you've been approved, I think you'll make wonderful foster parents.

My question for you is...

are you ready for this?

Okay, living room.

We can leave that one.

Are you sure?

Clean slate, you know.

Just that one.

Whatever it was like for her...

they said it was fast.

And she wasn't aware of what was happening.

It's not nearly as...

bad as I imagined in my head.

And I find comfort in that.

That's very good, Johnny.

Anyone else?

We have decided to bring a child into our home tomorrow.

- That's wonderful, Jessie. Congratulations. - Thank you, Peter.

How have you been feeling these days?

I still can't sleep at night very well.

- You still on Ambien? - Yes.

Insomnia is common.

"Somnia" is Latin for "dreams".

"Insomnia" simply means "no dreams".

And what else is a child, but our dreams?

Our hopes, manifest.

We talked about numbness last week, something a lot of us has felt.

Yeah, I don't know if I'm doing any better with that.

I think I am, a little.

But the color hasn't returned to the world just yet.

How is Mark with this? We haven't seen him here for awhile.

We always say that people processes grief differently.

Mark and I have had different experiences with this.

- Feeling distant from a spouse is... - Common. Yes.

I just wish I knew how to fix this.

For him, for us.

And I really wish he would continue coming to group with me because...

it's the only time I feel...

I don't know.

Awake.

You ready?

I think so.

- Hey. - Let's go say hi.

This is Mr. and Mrs. Hobsen.

- Hi. - How are you doing?

Good morning.

Good morning. How are you?

Can I take that box for you?

No? Okay. Whatever you want to do, pal.

Thank you. I'll take good care of it.

Come on. Come on in.

Here we are.

You don't have to do that.

Shoes make floors dirty.

- You have a beautiful home. - Thank you.

It's all yours, Cody. Nothing's off limits.

Yeah, come on, I'll show you my Xbox, or...

or we can get a Wii, I guess.

I'm not sure which one you play. You play, though, right?

I think Mark's pretty excited to have someone to play.

You ever played disconnect? Sports thing?

It's got a censor on it, so there is no controller.

Whatever you do, the little dude does.

You can swing, you can throw, you can kick.

And the little guy does it. I'll show you.

Great. It's pretty neat.

It doesn't look like much.

We want you to decorate it the way you like it.

- Really? - That's right.

We're gonna replace those, I just throw whatever in a basket,

but you can pick out anything you want.

Cody collects butterflies.

- You do? - Really?

I love this room.

Remember, it's just the first night. We are all in this together.

- You okay? - I like your eyes.

- Thank you. - They're really pretty.

Let's get some sleep.

Good night, Mrs Hobsen.

Good night, Cody. Sleep tight.

Monarch.

Alright. Here. Alright.

- What's your favorite kind of pizza? - Pineapple.

Yeah? That's what we're going to have tonight. Celebrate your brave day.

Let's go. You ready?

So, let's all say, "Welcome, Cody".

Welcome, Cody.

You can take that seat right over there.

Alright, let's open those notebooks.

Everyone ready?

The first word is...

- Everything okay in there? - I'm fine.

He's fine.

I just wanted to make sure I can still hear him.

He's fine.

- What's this guy? - The Blue Morpho.

Sounds like some kind of superhero or something.

And what is this? This is like a cocoon or something?

That's a chrysalis. It keeps them safe till they've grown up.

So, I guess we better go to bed.

Alright.

- I'll be right there. - Okay, sweetie.

Hey.

So, I was straightening out for you earlier,

and I accidentally found some of your stimulants.

Stimulants?

Things that keep you awake.

- I don't like to sleep. - I know.

But there's nothing for you to be scared of here.

- Yes, there is. - What?

The Canker Man.

Who's that?

He comes when I sleep. He eats people.

Well, that's no good.

He ate my mom.

You know, when I was a little girl...

I thought there was a witch scratching in my window.

But it was just a tree.

The branches had grown a little too long,

and they hit the window when the wind blew.

Once I knew that, the witch never came back.

Sometimes scary things go away when we understand them a little.

Not The Canker Man.

Well, you're in a new home now. I'm sure he can't find you.

He's always with me, he says so.

You did what you had to do.

You can't let him have a sugar stash, in the middle of his room, under his bed.

I know, I still feel like I was trespassing.

No.

You're parenting.

When you came in, you said something about a ghost.

- There was something. - What did it look like?

Well, it was wearing a black thing that went all the way to the floor.

Weren't you a little frightened at the time?

Oh, yes.

- That, Mr. Loren, is hysteria. - Jess.

Well, then, doctor, how do you explain what happened to Lance?

Was that hysteria too?

You better get that checked in a day or two.

Thanks, doc.

Where do they come from?

Have you ever seen this many?

Do we have any jars?

Butterflies even come out at night?

Maybe there is big pretty moths.

- What? - It bit me.

- A butterfly bit you? - No...

Where are they coming from?

I need a lid.

What the hell?

What the hell just happened?

I saw something last night.

I think it was Sean.

I know we have all had those dreams...

and felt like we've seen our kids out in the world.

But this was different.

And I couldn't help but feel...

that it was because...

Go ahead.

He knows about Cody.

And he's angry with me.

For replacing him?

Yeah.

We talked about something like this at the beginning,

when Mark wanted to sell the house,

- but you refused because... - I felt like he was still there.

You said you saw him sometimes.

Yes.

Okay.

The thing you need to understand about dreams...

even lucid dreams, which can feel very real while we're having them.

This wasn't a dream. I was awake.

Doesn't matter. If we're suppressing negative emotions like guilt or fear...

especially for sleep deprived on top of that,

our subconscious will figure out a way to process those emotions.

Even if we're awake.

We can even achieve levels of REM's sleep while we're awake.

It's called "a waking dream".

- It's more common than you think. - Just felt very real.

Yeah. I'm sure it did.

But waking dreams... any dreams, actually,

are conversations that we're having with ourselves.

Every character in your dreams is actually just you.