A Day at the Races

This way to the sanitarium.

Free bus to the sanitarium.

This way to the Standish Sanitarium. Standish San-- Standish San--

This-- This way to the Standish--

Stand-- Free bus. Free bus. Standish Sanitarium.

Free bus to the sanitarium. Just got room for a few more.

- Sanitarium? - No, racetrack.

You don't wanna go there. You're sick.

I'm going to the races!

All right. You want something hot in the fifth race?

Sanitarium? Bus to the sanitarium. Standish Sanitarium.

Free bus to the sanitarium.

It's no use, Tony.

If business keeps up like this, I'm afraid I'll have to drive the car myself.

Oh, no, Miss Judy. You can't fire me.

- But what if I can't pay your salary? - That's different.

You don't have to pay me, but you can't fire me.

- Tony, you're sweet. - Yeah. And don't worry, Miss Judy...

...I'm gonna get us some customers if I have to make them sick myself.

Tony, I'm afraid we need more than customers.

You don't understand. I owe a great deal of money.

Far more than I can ever pay.

Let me see. Who do I know that's rich?

How about that big, strong, sick woman at the sanitarium?

- You mean Mrs. Upjohn? - That's the one.

She'd lend you the money.

Oh, she's rich. Why, last week, she gave me a dollar tip.

She did once offer to help.

But it doesn't seem right to borrow from a patient.

- Then we make her a partner. - Oh, Tony.

We gotta hurry before she changes her mind.

Go ahead, Miss Judy. There's Mrs. Upjohn now.

- But, Mrs. Upjohn-- - There's no use, doctor. I'm leaving!

Mr. Whitmore, I want my bill at once.

- Just as you say. - What's the matter, Mrs. Upjohn?

It's no fault of yours, my dear. It's the doctor.

Telling me I'm perfectly well when I know I'm on the verge...

...of a nervous collapse. Goodbye, Judy, dear.

Have the boy come up and get my bags, please.

Gil! Oh, Gil!

- I'm glad you're here. - What is it, honey?

Hold me tight. I'll be all right.

Come on, honey, tell me.

It's Mrs. Upjohn.

She's leaving.

Oh, let her leave. Say, I have something here worth 100 Upjohns.

You don't understand. I'm going to lose this place.

No, you're not. That's what I'm trying to tell you. From me to you, with love.

Your radio contract. You've got it!

"Gelding, out of Honey Lamb by Blue Bolt...

...two-year, Hi Hat."

- Why, Gil, this doesn't make sense. - It's a horse, honey, a racehorse.

Perhaps I'm awfully stupid, but what do we want with a horse?

I'll tell you. Horse wins race, owner wins money.

Owner gives money to girl he loves. Girl saves sanitarium. It's very simple.

Very simple? But what happens if horse loses race?

Oh, but he can't lose. He's a wonder. I picked him up for a song, only $1500.

Fifteen hundred dollars?

That's all the money you had in the world.

Well, I still have my job singing at the casino.

Now, Gil. You return that horse at once and get your money back.

You've got to go on with your music.

You need money fast, more than I could make 10 years of singing.

I don't care. I want you to be a great singer, not a racetrack tout.

Oh, wait a minute. That isn't fair!

- Are you going to return that horse? - I can't. I just bought him.

You mean you don't want to. You'd rather bet on a horse than on yourself.

- Of all the ungrateful people! - What have I got to be grateful for?

You've thrown your career away on a long shot and gambled away our happiness.

Here. Take your horse. And I hope you're very happy with it.

I'm going to someone who understands me, to Dr. Hackenbush.

Dr. Hackenbush? Why, I never heard of him. Has he a sanitarium?

The biggest in Florida, that's what he said. Of course, I was never there.

Hugo, I mean, Dr. Hackenbush, always insisted on treating me in my home.

I didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until I met him.

Excuse, please.

We're getting a lot of customers since they heard Dr. "Hackenapuss" is coming.

- Did you say Hackenbush? - Yes, ma'am.

I wonder if that could be the same one.

Where does he come from?

- Where's your Hackenapuss come from? - Palmville, Florida.

That's the one!

Why.... Why, Judy!

Why didn't you tell me Dr. Hackenbush was coming here?

Dr. Hackenbush?

Oh, I'm so excited!

Judy, why don't you make him chief of staff.

He'd do wonders for the sanitarium.

With Dr. Hackenbush in charge, I might help you financially.

I don't say I will, but I might.

Oh, Mr. Whitmore, have my bags sent right up. I'm staying!

- Who's Dr. Hackenbush? - I don't know.

But if she wants a Hackenapuss, she's going to get a Hackenapuss.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

- Here's a telegram for you, doc. - What does it say?

Well, goes on to say-- How should I know?

"Come up and take care of Mrs. Upjohn. Stop.

You can write your own ticket. Stop. Come at once, Standish Sanitarium."

Mrs. Upjohn. Ah, Emily.

She never forgot that hayride.

Don't she know you're a vet?

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

They could throw a horse doctor in jail for treating people.

They can throw a horse doctor in jail for not paying his rent too.

- Up in there. - What have I got to lo--?

Take one of those every half-mile. And call me if there's any change.

Mr. Morgan, if I sign this, it means I turn the sanitarium over to you today.

That's right, and I'll give you $5000.

But the notes aren't due. I've got almost a month.

This place has been losing money steadily. You'll never be able to pay.

If you wait, I'll take it over, and you won't get a cent.

As your business manager, Judy, I strongly advise you to take Mr. Morgan's offer.

You're forgetting that doctor Mrs. Upjohn recommended.

Surely with him in charge, we'll be able to pay Mr. Morgan.

Are you going to take the advice of a hysterical patient?

- Now, look here, Miss Standish-- - Judy!

- Judy, he's here! He's here! - Why, who's here?

Dr. Hackenbush!

Are you going to sign that or not?

- No. - Of course she's not going to sign it.

I have a month. I can at least try this new doctor.

You're going to wish you'd taken that check.

Mr. Morgan. Mr. Morgan!

- You fixed that, all right. - How'd I know she was going to butt in?

- I'll get to work on this new doctor. - Work fast.

With Dr. Hackenbush in charge, I'm sure my trustees will let me help you.

- I think I'm better able to advise-- - I don't want to hear any more about it.

I can't stand this excitement. I know this will cause a relapse.

Oh, my metabolism! Doctor! Oh, doctor!

Here, boy. Here, boy.

Take these bags to my room, and here's a dime for yourself.

Oh, no, no, no, no. This is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter.

You mustn't take the doctor too seriously.

He probably feels tired after his long trip.

Why shouldn't I be tired? Did you ever ride four on a motorcycle?

And me, top man.

This is Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, your new chief of staff.

And now, doctor, I'd like you to meet Miss Standish.

Oh, doctor.

Doctor.

Just a moment, while I calm these paralytics.

Oh, dear. Doctor.

Doctor, this is Miss Standish, owner of the sanitarium.

- How do you do, Miss Standish? - How do you do?

You're the prettiest owner of a sanitarium I've ever seen.

- Thank you. - You have a charming place here.

I knew your mother very well.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

Many, many years ago, in the dear, dim past...

...I proposed to your mother.

- But that's my father. - No wonder he turned me down.

Now, doctor, I'd like you to meet your new associates.

Johnson, Bellevue Hospital, 1918.

Franco, Johns Hopkins, '22.

- Wilmerding, Mayo brothers, '24. - Dodge brothers, late '29.

Doctor, I'm happy to welcome you as chief of staff.

I hope you'll be able to pull the sanitarium out of its difficulties.

The sanitarium's having a little financial trouble.

I get it. I'm not gonna get paid. So long! Take it away!

Oh, no, no, no. Doctor, please don't go.

- I'll take care of your salary. - Oh, yeah?

The last job I had, I had to take it out in trade.

And this is no butcher shop.

Not yet anyhow.

Judy, it seems to me, if I may say so...

...we are making rather a hasty decision.

Surely you don't question the doctor's ability.

No. Not exactly.

But running a sanitarium calls for a man with peculiar talents.

I've got the most peculiar talents of any doctor you ever met.

I'm satisfied with Mrs. Upjohn's recommendations.

If you'll excuse me, I'll go and bring in the rest of the staff.

Why don't you go out and bring in something. Preferably your resignation.

Tell me, Dr. Hackenbush...

...just what was your medical background?

- Medically? - Yes.

Well, at the age of 15, I got a job in a drugstore filling prescriptions.

Don't you have to be 21 to fill prescriptions?

Well, that's for grownups. I just filled them for children.

No, no, doctor.

I mean, where did you get your training as a physician?

Oh, well, to begin with, I took four years at Vassar.

- Vassar? But that's a girls' college. - I found that out the third year.

I'd have been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

The doctor seems reluctant to discuss his medical experiences.

Well, medically, my experiences have been most unexciting.

- Except during the flu epidemic. - And what happened?

I got the flu.

- Oh, doctor, I think it's time for my pill. - Ix-nay on the ill-pay.

Now, you told me to take them regularly.

Just a minute, Mrs. Upjohn.

- That looks like a horse pill to me. - Oh, you've taken them before?

- Are you sure you haven't made a mistake? - You have nothing to worry about.