Please Like Me

- Did you swallow it? - Yeah, I swallowed it.

- Josh! It's in you? - It's in my tummy.

I'm sick of you just swallowing things all the time.

Now it's in you, like, pressuring us like a time bomb.

No, don't put this on me. Do what you like.

- I like maths. - It's not maths.

We're all making our own individual choices about recreational drugs.

Of course we have to do it now. What else would we do?

Yeah, just sit around watching you be high?

- You'll embarrass yourself. - I will not embarrass myself.

You will. You will.

You'll be there writhing around in ecstasy,

making out with the sofa cushions.

Now you've both done it!

I'm worried you think making out with sofa cushions

is a big part of what's about to happen.

- Just do it, Arnold. Go. - If you want.

Will you guys think I'm not cool if I don't do it?

I don't think there's any chance of anyone in this room

being cooler than anyone else in this room.

Whatever. You know you're the coolest one in the group.

- No, I'm not. - I didn't actually think that.

I just wanted to seeif you'd agree if I said it out loud.

Okay. I can do this. We're young, we're hot.

You think we're hot?

You've got your whole life ahead of you to get back on track.

I don't know what my regrets will be when I'm 93.

Could be taking this pill, it could be not taking this pill.

Josh. It will be Josh.

I'm not losing control, I'm taking control.

Taking control of being a real fun party guy.

- Yeah. - It's stuck.

- Oh, gosh, get him something. - How can it be stuck?

- I was just taking pills! - Drink the water.

That's not water!

- Oh. - Not water.

Oh, yeah, that's old Riesling. Sorry.

Is it down?

It's down.

How long till it kicks in?

- 30 minutes at least. - 30 minutes?

Or... Or... Or...

Because you have the build of a sparrow, maybe faster.

Yeah.

You right, buddy?

No, Tom, you can't touch him while he's freaking out.

Can't touch him when he's relaxed. Can't touch him when he's freaking out.

- When can I touch him? - I'm fine.

What do we do now?

I think we just wait.

So, the main risk with MDMA, apart from being sold something dodgy,

is that it can dehydrate you.

I thought the main risk was it would just make me too good at dancing.

- OK, fine, we'll drink some water. - It's not that easy!

Why?

People sometimes drown because they know they have to drink water

and then they drink too much.

- They drown? - Yeah, they drown!

OK, well, then we'll take a little bottle and we can track our intake.

What if it gives me an erection?

It won't!

Not really our problem, is it? You got your little quote?

A ship in the harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.

Oh, God, Arnold... Um, hey, they're nice shoes.

- Thanks. - Where'd you get them?

Um, a store.

What store?

- My mum bought them. - What colour are they?

They're brown.

I'm trying to make him conscious of his reality,

so he snaps out of his panic.

- They're brown. - I googled it.

- I don't think it'll work. - It won't.

I know when people are trying and it just makes me panic more.

OK.

Arnold, on a scale of one to ten, how elastic is Josh's face?

Nine.

One being quite firm, ten being like a deflated balloon.

Nine. Very elastic. Very elastic face.

What do you think about Tom's chest hair?

It's fine.

- You don't think it's patchy? - Sure, but it's fine.

- But my face isn't fine? - It's fine. I like your face.

- I think you're hot. - Just very elastic?

- Like an expensive cheese. - Or like a cheap cheese.

Or like Benjamin Button in his weird phase.

OK, so some people die when they take drugs like this

because they're allergic, but some people die when they eat peanuts,

so that's not my major concern.

I'm going to get us bottles of water.

Is he OK?

I think he'll be fine. How are you?

- I am so terrified. - I'm just so terrified!

Ooooh, ooooh Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah

Ooooh Oh, yeah

Ooooh Oh, the Good Lord knows it

Ooooh I've left better behind to be

Fine Yeah, yeah

Fine Make my mama turn another blind

Ah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I've left better behind to be fine.

My God, yes. This is...

I'm just so happy. Warm.

Oh, Lord. OK, we have to...

So, I just quickly want to say,

Josh, I really appreciate your friendship.

Yeah, that was very good.

OK, um, can we do this all the time?

Arnold, so happy to have you in our lives,

and that you make my friend happy.

Oh, my God, yes. Tom, I'm just so happy.

Yeah, and Josh, I... I'm going to call your dad.

Don't call my dad.

No, I feel like we've bonded, and I'm worried about him and...

Yeah, we should check on him.

In a way, he's calling me.

No Arnold, Tom's not being nice to my dad. He's teasing my dad.

No, I'm... I'm... I am not sure.

No, don't call my dad.

My God, guys, run your hands through your hair.

It feels like a million tiny masseuses

just going at it on your head.

Who is that?

Ignore it.

No, I don't think we should. It could be an emergency.

- Please can we ignore it? - No. No.

Hello?

Mae, it's Tom.

Oh. It's Tom.

- Tom? - Yeah.

- Oh, shit. Something must be up. - See?

Hi Tom, this is Alan.

It's Tom.

Yeah, hi. What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing. Everything is great.

Oh, OK. Well, hi. Why did you call?

- Why did I call? - Yeah.

Um, just... just... just checking on you.

Oh, that's nice of you.

It is nice of me, isn't it?

Very nice.

Yeah.

Um, look I'm just with Mae at the moment.

We're really sorting things out, so I'd better get back to it, OK?

- OK. Bye-bye. - Bye.

Oh.

Sylvia

Yes, Mickey

How do you call your lover boy?

Come here, lover boy

And if he doesn't answer?

Oh, lover boy

And if he still doesn't answer?

I simply say

Baby

Oh, baby

My sweet baby

You're the one

Baby...

Oh, my God, guys. Let's go out.

You two are perfect.

We need to show you off to the world, like the royal baby.

I know being kicked out of home would have been really hard,

but we're so happy to have you.

Good things always come out of bad things. Always, always.

And, like, I just...

I really feel like together, we've created a lovely little household.

I wish we could just fly there.

Imagine if we all flew there in a pack and then everyone knew about it,

but we would just be really humble.

- This is brilliant. - Just so good.

Hey, guys? Watch this.

- Oh, yes. - So talented.

Oh, OK. Making out. That's good. You should do that. That's great.

- Hi, I'm Ella! - Tom.

Josh. Arnold.

We're taking MDMA for the first time.

Fun! I'm here with work friends.

They keep talking about CrossFit.

- Yuck. - Bleurgh.

- I don't do any exercise, ever. - Good!

Have you ever done MDMA?

Yes. Yes, I have.

What do you think should be our next adventure?

- Let's go for a run? - Sure!

We have to run!

I have to go. I'm very busy.

Ella! Ella, come back!

Shit! Shit! Tom. Babe. Hi.

- Can you do me a favour? - Yeah.

Don't look at your arm, OK?

- Oh, no, Josh! - That's Tom.

- Oh, no, Tom! Did you hit your head? - Yeah.

OK, we should call an ambulance,

because a guy that I knew hit his head once

and he thought it was nothing, and then his brain swelled and he died.

- Oh, no. - He wasn't very likeable.

Also, we should call an ambulance 'cause Tom's arm

is not going the right way.

- On it. - How did you fall?