Serious Men

The umbrella of night Has so many holes

Who poured acid on it Is an unsolved mystery...

I love this song.

I don't know why.

But I don't know what it means.

And such songs suit every situation.

Life is so fucking complex.

We're born and we die, without knowing what any of it means.

Like my grandfather who died on a train.

On his way back to his village,

he unknowingly boarded the first-class compartment.

Someone jokingly questioned him,

"This compartment is only for Brahmins! What are you doing here?"

He died of a heart attack.

Now, what do you think all of this means? Nothing.

Maybe that's why I like this song.

After sex, Oja holds this pose for five minutes.

Her aunt believes it increases our chances of conceiving.

Oja and her aunt have never heard about gravity. But I have.

Where I work, people research stupid stuff like "Why is gravity such a weak force?"

And "Why isn't there enough lithium in the universe?"

I work at the National Institute of Fundamental Research under

renowned space scientist Dr. Arvind Acharya as his personal assistant.

Hurry up, Ms. Oparna! The ministry will be here in two minutes.

Ayyan, Amartya Sen never said this.

You'll get into trouble for this.

You said this.

Someone should say this.

My boss has been searching for alien life for a decade.

Today is a big day for him.

These people who wouldn't even shake your hand for free

now stand like beggars before this minister.

Hello, sir. Please come.

Hello, sir.

Welcome, sir.

Common folk ask ministers for clean water and power.

But these guys want funds.

They address money as fund.

So after millions down the drain, they can proclaim,

"Man knows nothing."

I'll be up for a Nobel Prize someday and the dumbfuck didn't even introduce me.

Satish, one coffee.

Mr. Tawde, our proposal is to send four sterilized containers

into the upper stratosphere.

-What do you mean by stratosphere? -It's a...

It's a layer in the air

from six to 45 kilometers above the earth.

What's the point of this?

We'll be collecting stratospheric air there.

Definitely we'll find space microbes.

In our hypothesis,

the microbes are aliens...

aliens are falling on Earth all the time.

They come riding on...

meteorites.

Tawde didn't understand anything.

He has the IQ of a housefly.

There is no room for microbes in his tiny brain.

He'll stare at Acharya for a while,

scratch his head, and then shit out his "expert comments."

Suppose we find aliens, and they attack us.

It's too big of a risk.

-Yes sir... I've seen it in films. -Stay away.

Yes, even I've heard they have two heads and three eyes and four legs--

No, sir. We are talking about microscopic aliens.

Microscopic means really small. Tiny.

Yes, I know microscopic means tiny.

Even then there's a risk of attack.

If they attack us, then?

Look how viruses are killing so many people.

-Mani! -Tell me sir.

Go get ready for the presentation of the microbes mission.

Which one, sir? The PPT or the video?

How many times have I told you not to talk to me in Tamil? Go!

Mr. Acharya, whatever you're doing…

Ignore the prick.

You know why he gave Ms. Oparna a lab in the basement?

-No clue. -To develop a chemistry.

Then he'll work on their physics,

and they'll create their own gravitational force.

Why does he get so furious when you speak in Tamil?

Because my Tamil isn't great.

Dad brought me here, to Bombay, straight after school.

and even my wife's a Bombay-Tamilian. Dude, where's my tea?

Please come, sir.

Dr. Nambodari is also researching in the same field,

but his approach is different.

Please tell him, Dr. Nambodari. Sir, please sit.

I would say the best way to look for aliens is our radio telescope.

My "Giant Ear" program. But we can discuss that another day.

Right now we are here to support Dr. Acharya. Right, Arvind?

-How's my fake enthusiasm? -You pube.

Oparna, switch on the AV, please.

The Balloon Program will retrieve microscopic samples from the stratosphere.

Life forms cannot exist at this altitude. That's why...

Shut the door, you moron!

Sorry, sir.

Moron. Imbecile. Knobhead.

These were the names our bosses called us.

So, to return the favor, we called them

"Serious men."

Idiot!

The microscopic samples will be studied in our specially designed class 1000 lab.

The most important part of this balloon apparatus is...

Let's say we find this alien... Then what? How does it matter?

We will finally be able to know who gave birth to us.

Lord Brahma.

Lord Brahma is our creator. Our scriptures prove it.

-Look. He's about to jump. -What? Where?

Go and save him!

If you spook him, he will jump.

-You know who that is? -Who?

That's a "serious man."

See these cars speeding along?

He probably rides around in one of those, furiously working on pathbreaking...

presentations about horseshit like "Should condoms be dotted?"

He can't figure out "what life means" so he's come here to jump.

-Aren't you gonna eat that? -Stop kidding me!

I'm kidding you?

Every night you crave snacks.

So? Can't you get them?

Don't you love me?

How much more am I supposed to love you?

If this guy loved his wife as much,

you know what she'd say?

-I love you too. -No.

She'll say, "I need some space. You're stifling me!"

-Oh look, he's jumped! -Huh?

-He jumped. -Hey!

There he goes.

Look...

if you don't jump in the first 30 seconds, then you can't jump at all.

And how do you know that?

I tried a couple of times after our wedding.

-How's the tea? -Disgusting!

No matter what I do for you, you're never happy!

Come, I'll take you to an amazing place.

-I was just kidding! -You always do that.

You set yourself up.

-You know what we're doing? -What are you doing?

We're spending quality time together! It's me time and you time! Quality time!

A hot air balloon will go to the upper stratosphere

-to look for aliens. -Excuse me.

Microscopic aliens, understand?

They come down all the time on the earth.

-My wife is pregnant. Make it quick! -Sure, sir.

Relax, be comfortable.

Excuse me, sir. This area is actually reserved for our in-house guests only.

Are you staying with us?

Yes. 602.

Would you like to have something?

-One tea for ma'am. -And for you?

Beer. Not extremely chilled, not warm.

Okay, sir. I'll bring it to you.

Thank you.

1200 bucks for tea!

-No way I'm drinking this. -You're 2G after all...

second generation.

We 2G folks can never enjoy ourselves.

-And who are these people? -4G.

-As in? -Fourth generation.

My father was first generation.

Never went to school.

I'm second generation.

I went to school and studied too.

But only later did I realize how important education is.

I'll send my kid to one of the best schools.

Drill the importance of education into him.

He'll become successful and be able to make presentations

on "Why condoms should be dotted!" That's the third generation.

By the time his kids are adults,

they'll have everything. They won't have to work at all.

They can just sit by a pool and do nothing all day.

Oja,

it takes four generations to be able to do nothing at all.

Excuse me, sir. Sir.

Sir, we have noticed that we have another guest in room number 602.

No, I said 702.

No, sir, you... you had said 602. I heard you.

-I said 702. -Are you sure you are staying with us?

I said 702, man!

Sir, 602. But--

What's wrong?

Sir, something is wrong.

-What happened? -Good move. Now scream a little louder.

I'm not faking it!

-Please, someone call a taxi! -Sir...

-Sir, you... -We have a problem. Call a cab.

Yes, right away.

-Doctor! I need a doctor. -Yes, sir.

-Call now. -Don't worry, Oja.

Please hold this end.

Yes, sure.

You pube...

You bloody dog...

You asshole...

-You pube... -Take a deep breath.

Stupid bastard...

Why is she saying that?

It's the Lord's name in Tamil.