Ski School (L'ecole de ski s'envoie en l'air)

Welcome, everybody, to the hottest ski week in the world.

It's the annual spring ski pageant and ski school director,

Reid Janssen, kicks things off

with an exhibition of skiing that we've come to expect from him.

Yes, Reid has made this pageant his own.

Five grueling days for whom Reid Janssen calls "serious skiers only. "

For Reid Janssen, winning isn't everything,

it's the only thing, and the competition here is fierce.

Each instructor is determined to prove

that he and his ski school section are the best,

and Reid himself appears more determined than ever to let no one dethrone him.

Come on, let's go! Bend your knees, bend your knees!

I'm sure the last skier to beat Reid, Dave Marshak,

head instructor for Section 8, is preparing to do just that,

although he's curiously missing from Reid's pre-pageant ski exhibition.

Slalom, downhill and freestyle.

Skiing is what it's all about

and this week promises to be a memorable one.

The instructors will soon have their ski school recruits before them,

so they are no doubt busy trying to figure out a way

to defeat king of the mountain Reid Janssen.

- We are leaving, now. - Cool out, Reid.

- How. - Hi, Dave.

Hi, Reid.

Shut up.

I say this is your last year. And there's nothing you can do about it.

You're too late, Reid.

I've already put into motion an elaborate plan,

a series of events diabolically designed

to rid this mountain of you and your satanic presence forever.

Before you think about getting me off this mountain,

you're gonna have to win first.

- Okay. - Okay.

Have you seen your recruits yet?

- Recruits? - Recruits?

Who are you people?

I'm Ed.

Wow. We're gonna need all the help we can get.

Sorry. Excuse me.

It's okay.

Come on, Lori.

He's cute, but look, there's First Section.

Oh, yeah.

- What's your name? - Paige.

Next.

I'm here to register.

Name?

Roland.

Roland. First name, John. Montana.

That's a long way, Roland comma John.

Where do you ski?

This little place in Montana. You probably never heard of it.

Did you ever ski Sun Valley? Jackson?

No.

Who do you ski with?

Mostly myself.

Yourself.

And I suppose you think you can ski with us.

Well, you guys are supposedly the best, aren't you?

No, we are the best. We're talking about you.

Maybe this'll help.

A letter of recommendation!

- How sweet. - Look, I came here to ski, all right?

Yeah, well, you paid your money, so you'll ski.

But not with us.

Well, then who do I ski with?

- Roland. That would be... - Section 8, wouldn't it be, Derek?

Right, Reid. Section 8.

You go out the door, take two rights, it's behind us.

"O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!

"Is it not monstrous that this player here,

"But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,

"Could force his soul so to his own conceit...

"For what?

"For Hecuba!

"What is Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,

"That he should weep for her?

"He would drown the stage with tears

"Cleave the general ear with horrid speech,

"Make mad the guilty and appall the free,

"The play's the thing

"Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King. "

Let's go skiing.

Hit some slopes or what? - Yeah, right.

God. See that?

- Well, it wasn't bad. - He really...

- Did you see that? - We saw that, but it was...

He was... He was all right.

- I saw that. - It was passable.

- Are you erect? - Can we do that?

Warm-ups are over and it's time

for the All Star Ski School individual and team competitions to begin.

The first event will be the slalom.

And stepping into gate number one for Section 8 is Fitz Fitzgerald.

And in gate number two, it's Erich Blor wearing the red uniform

of First Section.

Come on, push it, push it! Come on!

Skiers are competing for spots in Sunday's final competition

where all times are applied towards determination of the team cup winner.

Next up is Derek Stevens of First Section.

And opposite him is Ed Young from Section 8.

Erich and Derek give First Section a strong two-three punch

behind leader, Reid Janssen.

Stepping in now is the chief instructor of Section 8

and former individual champion, Dave Marshak.

While Marshak is always one to ski well,

particularly in the freestyle event,

the team cup has always eluded him.

Next up is director of the All Star Ski School

and the man who sets the standard for others to follow,

number one, Reid Janssen.

Reid crosses the finish line with a time of 29.55 seconds,

the only skier under 30 seconds so far.

That's him!

- Yeah? - Yeah!

The final skier of the day is a late arrival, John Roland,

skiing for Section 8.

- Go, go, go! - Go, John, go!

Well, this newcomer could be a welcome addition for Dave Marshak.

But it's too soon to tell if Roland is only a one-day wonder

or if he'll fit in with the rigors of the competition.

29.898 seconds is John Roland's finishing time,

putting him in second place.

Here you go.

- Great! - Stick with us, kid, you'll go far.

Push, push, push, push!

How could you let one of those idiots even contend with us?

That guy was pretty good. How come he's not skiing with us?

Shut up, you pussy.

How do you expect to impress anybody

with the way you looked on the hill today, huh?

Ken, you wanna get over there and do sets with Derek?

You ladies look nice today.

Level eight?

What is this, lawn bowling, huh? Move it to 12, come on!

Eight?

And you, come on, move your knees, let's go! Move it!

Help. Help. Guys?

Guys, help!

Help!

Here, I'll help you with those. They look really heavy.

- Thanks. - Hey,

did you know you have really big muscles?

- You do. - Thanks. Yeah, thanks.

- I'll get up now. - Okay, thanks.

I did not mean to do that. No.

Guys.

- I'm... I'm sorry. - That's okay.

Go away, I'm busy. I did not...

Howdy, boys!

- What are you doing here? - I'm an ambassador of goodwill.

And who might you be?

Trying to cop a cheap feel at the expense of my lady?

I'm simply helping a damsel in aerobic distress.

What kind of men are you who leave a struggling young lady

without anyone to spot her?

Shut up.

Wait, wait, I know who you are.

Throw his ass out.

Go ahead. Do with me what you will.

Beat me savagely and leave me in the gutter to die.

Someday we will run naked under a full moon!

Scum.

Don't worry, Paulette, it'll never happen again.

Okay.

I hope I don't have to be the one to tell you this,

but ski school is not about learning how to ski.

You must be Ed.

Okay, party at the lodge at 7:00,

courtesy of our esteemed ski school director.

Hot tubs at 11:30, contents TBA.

Let the games begin!

Okay, how many for chocolate hot tubs?

Duh!

What are we gonna fill the hot tubs with?

Women?

Good, good. Glad to have you with us.

Now, I don't know why you all came here,

but I suspect a couple of you wanna sleep with me.

And, frankly, that scares me.

Entertain no fears. We'll have you hooked up in no time

with what, to what, I'm not exactly sure.

Anybody have anything else to add? Johnny?

- Let's win the race tomorrow. - Of course, absolutely, win the race.

Any ideas on how we are going to win this race?

Partying.

Party.

Party.

Party!

- This is not a party. - It's a still life.

Everyone still has their clothing on.

Oh, my God. I think I've heard this song at my dentist's office.

I don't know if I can do this, Dave.

This is totally and emphatically against my principles.

No one said it was gonna be easy.

Now look closely, my friends, because what you are seeing

is the beginning of the end.

And it's up to us to do something about it. Who's with me? Me.

- Me. - Me.

Welcome to my kingdom.