Stand-In

Gd.

Well?

Hasn't anybody got anything to say?

We were waiting to hear what you had to say, father.

Stop mumbling.

I said...

What do you think of atterbury's survey?

Said nothing of the sort.

But if you want my opinion, I think it's fiddle-faddle.

What do you think, junior?

I concur with you, grandfather.

You are always right.

No one is always right.

Will that boy ever grow up?

Wire ivor Nassau in Hollywood immediately

that the house of pettypacker will accept his offer

of five million dollars for the colossal film company.

Before he recovers consciousness.

And thank atterbury for his survey,

and tell him of our decision.

I'm honored by your invitation to address my Alma mater.

In the past, however, I've encountered difficulty

in persuading my hearers that the science of mathematics

is not one of mere figures in geometrical design.

Three o'clock, Mr. dodd.

One minute past, you're late.

But a science more important to life than food and drink?

A science... that account should have been out last night.

Without which, there could be no music.

No poetry. No art.

Does this balance, Mr. dodd?

There's an error in the addition.

The total should be 1,296,321.

- The flight of the birds... - Adding machine...

Have the adding machine fixed. The leap of a salmon,

the rhythm of the dance, all are mathematical.

- Ah, atterbury. - Good afternoon, junior.

Grandpa, er, all of us wish to thank you for your survey.

Proves my point. It'd be ridiculous to sell colossal.

But... (Clears throat)

- But what? - We, uh...

We have decided to take Mr. Nassau's offer.

Is your grandfather still in the boardroom?

Uh, yes.

But atterbury, don't you see...

I see a stubborn disregard for my conclusions, Mr. pettypacker.

But I see more than that.

I see 30,202 stockholders who are not getting

the protection to which they are entitled.

And just how will you go about helping them?

I'd go to Hollywood.

I'd examine the company's records, discover the error,

and correct it.

Sounds simple, atterbury.

But here, we're dealing with human factors.

In matters of business, one is forced to ignore human factors.

You're smart, but you're young.

I'm old, but I'm still pretty smart.

Atterbury,

do you realize those are real folks you see

acting those things out on the screen? Yeah.

It's like this: One fellow writes a story,

and another fella directs it.

Or a lot of different temperaments.

That's the way motion pictures are made, atterbury.

I know, I've looked into it.

Two and two make four, Mr. pettypacker,

whether they be fish, apples, or human beings.

You're a pig-headed young man, atterbury!

You mistake confidence

for stubbornness, Mr. pettypacker.

Confidence based on mathematics.

A science which has never failed.

It never will fail. I'll stake my future on it.

- Good day, sir. - (Pettypacker) Wait!

You'll stake your future, we're staking five million dollars!

I beg your pardon Mr. pettypacker,

you're staking nothing of the sort.

You're selling a ten million dollar property for five million

because it offers problems. You're deliberately giving away

five million of your stockholders' money.

- Atterbury, how dare you... - Shut up!

Shut up!

In 72 years of banking, atterbury,

no one has ever said a thing like that to me before.

It's your judgment against mine now,

so you go to Hollywood.

You'll be in full charge, with unlimited authority.

But if you fail, don't come back.

I'll go to Hollywood.

- (Thud) - Have that vulcanized, junior.

Yes, grandfather.

Hello spectators, this is rush Hughes,

your Hollywood photographer, hello, hello, and hello.

Atterbury dodd, New York financial wizard is due in today

to doctor the ailing colossal studio but,

and this is the lowdown, colossal is not sick,

it's dying from slow poison. My guess is it's an inside job

engineered by an outside chiseler

with the aid of which fading feminine super sex star

and what cheese director with a phony foreign accent?

- Don't ask. - Phooey.

Picture a strange Hollywood...

I don't like it. It's too much talk.

Don't give it a thought, Mr. Nassau.

I'll take care of Mr. atterbury dodd.

And what's the first thing I do? (Laughing)

I break his glasses so he can't read the books!

Then during the days, I'll put him on the merry-go-round.

And of an evening, cheri here can give him the neon treatment.

That is, unless the old gray mare

ain't what she used to be! (Laughing)

Potts!

You should play gone with the wind.

But for good you should be gone!

Ah, save them cracks for your pictures.

So you see, Mr. Nassau,

by the time I pour him back in the grate, he's so...

Just a minute, potts.

Do you know who you're dealing with?

Dodd is the most brilliant financial brain

that has been developed in wall street

for the past ten years. Why, he's...

Hey, the third race is on!

And here they come down the stretch.

Boy, what a race. Pom-pom's cut the lead down to half a length

and, there it is folks, almost a photographic finish.

Lady Ethel the winner, pom-pom second, and witchcraft third.

- Now, in just a moment... - (Clicks off)

And this is the point, potts. And you two might listen.

I'll tell it as simply as I can.

Who knows, you might get it.

We're trying to put over a pretty fast deal.

It's conceivable that the sheer novelty of your drivel

may daze him, for a short time.

He might bore him to death.

Yeah, but your job is tougher.

Dodd doesn't drink, doesn't smoke,

doesn't go out with girls.

Ah, they don't have to worry Thelma none.

Even without his specs, dodd can figure

she ain't no ingenue.

Oh, the whole setup makes me sick.

You're as bad an actress off as you're on.

You know this deal means a great deal to both of us.

Now I get mine the day colossal closes, and you get yours.

A five-year contract with the studio that absorbs colossal.

That isn't bad for a star

that's been on a downgrade for two years.

She will do as I should say so.

Oh, the masterful type, huh?

Mr. quintain is outside, Mr. Nassau.

I'm not in.

He knows that miss cheri and Mr. koslofski are here.

Well, well, I ain't here.

Now listen, both of you, and concentrate hard.

Quintain knows more about the picture business than any of us.

We've fooled him so far because this is not picture business.

It's hijacking.

Ah, the genius of colossal.

- Quintain, glad to see 'ya. - You're a liar.

- Nice going, girly. - Why, Doug...

Listen, you've got a picture to finish,

or maybe it slipped your mind.

I cannot shoot without an ending.

Oh, don't give me that.

From the start, this picture smelled from herring.

First it was writers, dozens of 'em.

Then your cameraman. You shoot five weeks

with a guy that's been photographing you since 1898.

And just because he can't squirt elixir of youth out of his lens,

you start from scratch with a new boy.

- Oh, Doug, you know... - I know you've stole

a million bucks extra load on the picture.

Naturally, New York's got a yearn to know what's the matter.

Well, get this: I'm not taking the slap for it.

You're the producer, aren't you?

He's just your director. She's your star.

And what do you got to do with this?

Or have you?

Say, listen chiseler, if I thought you had your slimy...

Oh, cool off. Pour yourself a drink.

Doug, you don't expect me to play a love scene I don't feel.

Love scenes the way you feel them?

Look, Camille, they've got censors,

or maybe you haven't heard?

Oh, listen, baby.

Why don't you quit this racket? You're poison at the box office.

Finish the picture and give up gracefully.

Koslofski, you directed a good picture once.

Why don't you prove it was no accident?

I do not argue with peasants.

Oh, so it's like that, eh? Okay.

Well, get it up off there and shoot your love scene.

Smell up the joint good, but close the picture.

That's "or else".

You forget that my contract gives me approval

of cast, direction, cutting...

You're telling me about your contract?

I'm the cluck that gave it to you.