Telenovela

Oh, I'm late!

Ohh.

Oh, come on.

Come on. Get out. Get out. Get out.

- Achoo! - Oh!

Ahh, oh.

This day could not get any worse.

Oh, hey, Ana, you know how I opened up your fan mail

and signed autographs for you?

Oh, yes.

Look, can you please stop signing it "smell ya later"?

Doesn't really sound like me.

Sure.

Anyway, this one has no postage,

and it's got, like, creepy photos

and what appears to be a mask of your face.

Whoa.

Is that what I look like?

Ana, you know what this means?

That I have a stalker?

Whoa.

I have a stalker!

- I know! Congrats. - Oh, finally.

Ugh. Ohh.

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Uh.

Oh, we're... Luis.

Cut.

Stay in places until we fix it.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, this is awkward, huh?

I don't know. Feels kind of nice.

Kind of like old times.

Eh, you're right, a little awkward.

Just things have been weird between us

ever since you and Kelly broke up,

and she said that ridiculous thing.

What, that I'm too breathy?

No, there's still something between you and me.

- Well, what if she's right? - What?

Oh, um...

Are you two ready to do the whole thing again?

I don't know, Luis. This is moving a little fast.

You know, there's so much baggage between us.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to just jump back into it.

I'm talking about the shot.

Oh, the shot.

Yes, yes, we're ready for the shot.

I know it sounds crazy,

and I'm not asking you to just jump back into

a relationship with me, but I...

I think there's still something between us.

Maybe we should talk about it.

You-you mean, right... right now?

Uh, okay.

How about we meet for coffee tomorrow before work at 8:00.

If you show up, we talk.

If you don't, then no big deal.

We stay friends. It won't be weird.

Okay, that's a lot to think about.

But let's say I do come.

Can we make it 8:15? I have something at 8:00.

Actually, if you do come, can you make it 8:45?

That will give me time to shower after I work out.

You weren't gonna shower after you worked out?

You don't even know if you're coming.

But if you are, can you make it 9:00?

Yeah.

And... action.

Is Isaac possessed?

No, he's working on a new show idea.

He knows what it is, but he won't tell us.

New show? What's wrong with this one?

Roxie, this is how telenovelas work.

You do a bunch of episodes,

and then you jump on to the next show.

Oh.

I want to be on Isaac's new show.

Ooh, maybe he's writing one about a lawyer

who owns a vineyard.

Roxie, that's this show.

Oh, yeah.

That's why it was in my head.

If we want good parts, then we have to make it happen.

Let's band together on this.

Come with me.

But be behind me.

What? What did I do?

I thought that was a community toothbrush.

Well, we know you're working on a new show.

We just want to remind you of our many talents.

I can speak with a British accent.

I can tap-dance.

Hey.

I know karate.

Yah!

Oh, yeah? Look what I can do.

I can't believe Javi admitted he still has feelings for you.

I know.

We were stuck in a parachute,

and I had the mother of all wedgies.

Oh, but it was so romantic.

I don't like it.

Mark my words, if Javi hurts you again

he will rue the day.

He will rue it.

Gael, I've never seen you like this.

Drink it in.

Wow, if Gael's this upset,

I'm sure you're dying to tell me what a horrible idea this is.

Actually, I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but maybe you should just go for it.

Javi's not that kid you married. He's really grown up now.

But what about James?

I thought that was still a possibility someday.

So did I, but he went to go find himself,

and I never heard from him again.

That's so weird.

It's like he fell off the face of the Earth.

Okay, your opinions mean the world to me,

so tell me what you're honestly thinking.

Because on the one hand,

Javi really hurt me when we were married.

- He also... - On the other hand,

we've both grown and matured as people,

while on the third hand, how much can people really change?

On the fourth hand, the world could end tomorrow,

and I might end up regretting it.

But on the fifth hand, I could regret regretting it.

While on the sixth hand, that guitar,

on the seventh hand, the man jewelry,

on the eighth hand, those eyes,

while on the ninth hand, I still have feelings for him.

Oh, my God. You guys are right.

I have to go to this coffee.

Oh, what would I do without you?

I love her, but she's a lunatic.

Excuse me.

Do you mind switching tables?

It's just, I'm gonna meet my ex-husband,

and we might rekindle our romance,

and I don't want to do it next to the trash can.

Thank you.

Oh, all right, I just give this a wipe down.

Don't you worry.

Sure, okay.

I'll watch your laptop, but don't be too long.

My ex-husband's gonna be here in a few minutes.

Mimi, he's obviously not coming.

I can't believe I fell for his crap again.

I'm sorry, Ana. Why don't you just leave?

I can't; I told some guy I'd watch his laptop.

He's been in the bathroom for so long.

Oh, someone stole it. I'm out of here.

Ooh, I'm gonna kill Javi.

I'm gonna rip those luscious lips

of that chiseled, perfectly stubbled,

godlike face.

Yep, I said it.

I can't believe he would ditch me like that.

I've got to figure out what happened.

- Where is he? - I don't know.

He didn't show up for work.

Really?

Oh, my God. That explains everything.

Javi's sick.

That's why he didn't meet me for coffee,

not 'cause he doesn't want to get back together with me.

I knew there had to be a reason.

Maybe Javi has the flu.

I don't know, Ana. He seemed okay yesterday,

but he was wearing a super-deep V-neck,

so he could have got a cold.

Sweetie, this may be hard to admit,

but maybe he changed his mind.

No, it can't be that. There has to be another reason.

Because if it's just that the man who deep down

I've been in love with for the past three years

decided I wasn't worth it,

it would break my heart into a million pieces.

Maybe my stalker took him.

Totally.

Yep, your stalker kidnapped him.

Oh, this makes so much sense.

I think we all know what the obvious next step is.

You said you had a life-or-death emergency.

Yes, yes.

My ex-husband asked me to coffee

to talk about our relationship, which is a very big deal,

because we just moved on from our divorce,

and he didn't even show up.

Write that down.

Good luck with your love life, ma'am.

Wh... hey.

Wait.