The O.C.

Previously on The O.C.:

Theresa's pregnant.

You don't have to leave. Then come with me.

I'm leaving.

Can't let Theresa do this by herself.

Oh, my God. It's a palace!

Look, you're getting what you wanted...

I'm moving in with you.

Going somewhere?

Like, say, San Quentin.

Thank you.

Could we convince you to stay?

He's the first real friend I've ever had.

The only real friend I've ever had.

I understand why you have to do this,

but I wish you didn't have to.

Before he got here, I was the biggest loser.

This place was hell for me.

I can't even imagine

what it's going to be like here without him.

So, we've knocked down the retaining wall

to allow for more flow.

Great, now when do you think we will have achieved flow?

When do you think we'll be done tearing your house apart?

Well, my house is torn apart

and construction's got nothing to do with it.

Ballpark, Archie, ballpark.

It's September now. I'd say two weeks.

A month, tops.

Six weeks.

Well, in the meantime...

In the meantime,

could you please try

to convince the fellas here

to wear something in a shirt?

My neighbors have started

to refer to my home as The Man Hole.

Too, uh, Village People?

Exactly.

I'll talk to my guys.

Hey, Archie.

Sandy.

Oh, and don't ever get married,

and if you do, don't ever have kids.

Well, good news.

Archie thinks the remodel should be done

anytime between now

and, well, he didn't say never,

but there was subtext.

I'd love some coffee.

Thank you.

Boy, am I excited to head in to court for day one

of this riveting nuisance lawsuit,

where one yacht owner feels

that this other yacht owner

is in violation of the noise ordinance

at Crystal Cove.

Butterscotch duck in El Paso,

lampshade, truck stop, stethoscope...

I know you're doing that thing

where you think that I'm ignoring you

so you start speaking in gibberish

to see if I'm listening.

Aw...

You were listening.

Nope.

I'm distracted by today's paper.

Actually, the date of today's paper.

He's going to come back.

By the time school starts

or by the time Archie finishes the remodel?

What do you want me to do?

Tie him up and stuff him in the trunk?

At this point? Yes.

I have had enough

of your hippie-parenting, psycho-babble.

Oh, so that's the problem.

It's not your smothering overprotectiveness

that kept him from ever having a friend

till Ryan came along.

Sometimes the best thing for a kid is to have some space.

The Pacific Ocean?

That's not enough space?

If you force him to come home,

he's going to want to run away again.

I don't care what he wants.

I don't care what he thinks is fair.

He could have died out there.

Okay, so you can blame me.

And he can blame us.

And we can keep passing the buck all summer long.

Summer is over.

School is starting.

This is where he belongs.

He's going to figure that out.

I'm tired of waiting for that.

Bring him home, Sandy.

Bring him home.

[ PIANO AND ACOUSTIC GUITAR STRUMMING GENTLE MELODY ]

Oh, could it be any hotter?

I feel like my flesh is melting.

I just hope it melts evenly.

Damn, girl, break me off a piece of dat.

He's totally

checking you out.

So my mom's trying

to drag me to the Cardio Bar again.

It's her idea of mother-daughter bonding.

Cardio Bar, Coop?

Well, she says it's the new Tae Bo,

so maybe I can learn to kick her ass.

I don't think you need to do anymore cardio.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

It's just that, well...

And I mean this in the least scandalous way...

But you're looking a little thin.

I eat.

Okay.

Oh, God.

You definitely drink.

What's in this, lighter fluid?

Mm.

This is a Newport Beach iced tea.

This is 10:00 in the morning.

It's a little early.

For who?

Oh, this bikini is so uncomfortable.

I need to get a new one.

You want to go to South Coast?

Totally.

There's a Paul Frank sale there Wednesday.

Wednesday? I can't.

I have plans with Zach.

Oh, more plans with Zach, huh?

Yes.

The more time I spend with Zach,

the less time I have to think about...

God, what's his face?

Built like a beanpole, curly hair,

runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat

leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend,

who cried and cried over him until the Fourth of July

when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats.

Seth.

His name, it's Seth.

I know.

I'm just doing that thing where I pretend I don't

and I have to use a lot of descriptive insults

to give voice to my inner pain.

So, yeah, I can't do it Wednesday.

More plans with Zach.

Well, it's a formality, really.

I refuse to get close to him.

I will never be close to a boy again.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

That's good.

All right, thanks for the ride.

Oh, don't forget your lunch.

I, uh, peeled your orange for you.

Thanks, but, uh,

it's probably not the best way to fit in with these guys.

Right.

All right, well, I'll, uh...

Yeah, you don't want the foreman to get angry.

He's always angry.

He's an angry man.

Maybe tonight we could rent a movie

or play pool or something.

Yeah, pool sounds good.

See ya.

Honey?

I've got to pick up Kaitlin from junior lifeguards.

Maybe she can save her sister from drowning in self-pity.

What is that flower truck

doing in our driveway?

I get the feeling that it's been there every week.

Because it has.

We get flowers delivered every week?

Yes, Cal, they're living things, they die.

Do you hear a clicking on the phone?

Every time I try to dial out,

I swear, I hear a clicking.

Okay, Nixon, paranoid much?

What's going on with you, Cal?

You're either hopped up on blow or something is seriously wrong.

It's nothing.

It's my blood-thinning medication.

Sometimes it makes me feel...

Whacko?

Like all summer long?

Oh, I'm taking Kaitlin to go look at new ponies.

What's wrong with China?

China has alopecia.

I was hoping that the hair treatments would work, but...

bald as a baby's ass.

It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.

Yeah, I suppose that's fair.

Thanks.

Not charging it