Star Trek: Lower Decks

Ensign Boimler, personal log,

stardate 57601.3.

The Cerritos is in orbit around Mixtus III to assist

in a controlled demolition of an unstable moon.

We're providing support to the Vancouver,

a Parliament-class ship which focuses

on complex, large-scale engineering projects.

Welcome, Captain. Take it in.

One day you could be in command of a vessel like the Vancouver.

Thank you, Captain. This is truly a humbling experience.

You're welcome.

Unfortunately, we might have to cancel the demolition.

-What? Why? -Is the moon too dense?

No, it's more of a diplomatic issue.

Diplomatic? Isn't the moon going to plummet into the planet

-and ignite the atmosphere? -And, you know, kill everyone?

I've told them that many times, but they simply don't care.

-You don't know what you're talking... -Of all the moons we pray to,

that's one of the most important!

It controls the tides for our summer crop.

My family has lived on that moon for generations.

Moons can't plummet. That's something the government

made up to control us.

Ooh, boy.

So the moon's decaying orbit could cause catastrophic

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-- okay, okay.

The real news is I get to have lunch with the coolest,

smartest officer in Starfleet, Barbara Brinson,

who also happens to be my girlfriend.

That's right. Ugh!

We met a month ago and it's just been magical.

Ooh, boy, here we go.

Log number one million about Girlfriend Barb.

You know, I am sorry, but I'm starting to think

that Barb might not actually exist.

Oh, she's real.

She's as real as a hopped-up Q on Captain Picard Day.

Let me guess, when we meet her,

it'll weirdly have to be on the holodeck.

Hey. I don't do that anymore.

-Okay? -Sure you don't, man. But just so you know,

-I am still gonna try waving my hand through her. -Please don't.

-I'm gonna. -You're gonna hit skin.

Well, if I do, it's the cost of doing business.

Ooh. You smell that, Tendi?

Each ship on the fleet has its own scent.

I think the Cerritos smells like

toasting marshmallows on a cool night.

Is that a plasma fire?

Huh? Oh-- uh, uh...

The D53 probably sparked again.

They're so buggy.

Yeah, the whole ship's kind of falling apart.

Yep, this old girl's seen a lot of light-years.

You know, Kula told me the Vancouver

has fluidic processors

that self-replicate their own silicas.

Nuh-uh!

And he said they had tritanium hull brackets.

-And get this: T88s. -That can't be right.

-T88s aren't even out yet. -I know.

It's a starship, not heaven.

I can't believe it.

This is the greatest ship I've ever seen.

Are you kidding me? This is amazing.

Uh, guys? It's basically, like, the same ship as the Cerritos.

Yeah, right.

Ooh, let's go look at their thermal mesh.

I bet it's a double lattice!

Double lattice!

Where's Barb? She said she'd meet me here.

Oh, this is too sad. Hey, look.

I can set you up with somebody great on the Cerritos.

There's that Phylosian in tactical.

She seems like a nice plant person.

Brad!

Uh, wha-- Uh, c-computer, end program.

I missed you so much.

Ugh.

Mmm.

-We kissed, did you see? -Hi. Sorry.

It's been a long month. I'm Lieutenant Barbara Brinson.

Um, yeah-- I'm, uh, I'm Beckett Mariner,

- and this is Boimler. - Yeah, I know.

Oh! I can't wait to show you everything.

Come on.

She's a lieutenant?

You know, whatever, it was no big deal.

I managed to reverse the polarity

and reboot the time stream.

Good thing, too, 'cause, oof, 1920s Chicago?

Nobody's washing their hands.

Oh, I love that story, bun-bun.

-Mwah, mwah. -Wow, all that's so amazing.

And now you date Brad.

Ugh, I know. I swore I'd never do long-distance.

But then I met this goofball on Vendu last month.

He radiates a primal confidence. I'm sure you've felt it.

No, I try not to feel anything around Brad.

-Barbasaurus Rex! -Jet?

Get up here. We're gonna be working together.

- Ah! Whoa. - Uh...

-Really? -Okay, you can maybe put her down now.

-Like, anytime. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you hear some purple people are throwing a tantrum?

Implosion's been postponed.

We got to recalibrate the whole goddamn containment field.

Oh, Boim-Boim.

Looks like I can't do lunch on the Cerritos.

Oh, no, it's fine. It's not like I programmed

a ten-course meal or anything.

Hey. See you in Engineering.

And I'll try not to bring it downtown.

Shut up.

-No, you shut up. -Shut up. -Huh?

Ow. Ow, no, you shut up. Stop.

Wait, how do you know Jet?

He's, like, the second coolest person on the Cerritos.

Ugh, we dated, like, a billion years ago.

-What? -But he's nothing compared to my Bradward.

Oh! Your real name is Bradward?

Yeah, I'm a Bradward. There's Bradleys, there's Bradwards.

It feels so good to be near you.

Mwah!

Well, I got to hand it to you. You were right.

Barb is great.

A little too great.

Hey. Ron Docent. Welcome aboard

the Vancouver.

She's a beaut, isn't she?

Oh, yeah.

So, the captain, your captain,

has ordered us to look for alternatives to implosion.

I'm gonna have you two run diagnostics

on the simulation mainframe.

You both comfortable using T88s?

Yes, sir. So comfortable.

Super comfortable.

Ha. I like that enthusiasm.

Tell you what, whoever finishes first

gets their very own T88.

Wait. You mean, like, we get to keep them?

Or-or is this, like, a borrow thing?

Like, we're gonna have to give them back, right?

Nope. I mean keep, like "you keep it."

-Ah! -Sorry, sir.

Just checking if this is a dream.

I've got a bad feeling about Barb.

I know. I can't believe she used to date Jet!

That guy's like a Kirk sundae with Trip Tucker sprinkles.

I'm not messing around.

Barb is way, way, way out of your league.

Not out of Jet's league. I...

Uh, I-I got to get jacked. Here we go.

Brad, when a Starfleet relationship

seems too good to be true, then...

red alert, man-- it probably is.

You think she's cheating on me?!

No! I think she's a secret alien who's gonna eat you

or a Romulan spy or a salt succubus

or an android or a changeling

or one of those sexy people in rompers

that murders you just for going on the grass!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, you're saying

that because Barb is awesome and hot and dating me

that she's an alien?

That is messed up, Mariner!

That is not cool.

This is real, Bradward.

I have seen stuff, man.

Like back when I was serving on the Quito...

You guys...

Ooh, you hear what happened on the Enterprise?

Apparently, Data's got an evil twin brother

who teamed up with the Borg.

Crazy, right?

What? Man, it's like a new thing every week with those guys.

Right. Like, leave some unknown for the rest of us.

Aw, you guys are such a great couple.

Oh, what can I say?

I found the perfect guy.

Look, I'm not perfect, okay?

But I do have the perfect friends.

Uh, no, Niko, you are the nicest, smartest,

handsomest guy on this ship.

I mean, it's either that

or you're a Harvongian shape-changer.

I mean, you're too handsome.

Niko?

No!

Shape-changer!

Angie!

No...!

I'm not gonna sit around and let a face get melted.

Not again.

You're not leaving my sight, mister.

Every minute Barb spends with Jet

puts me closer to losing her.

I got to do something.

And so do I.