The Thief Who Came to Dinner

Go to work. OK, what's the bet?

A dime to you, alright, a pair of kings for a dime.

Alright. my straight, sees you and raises you.

- Come on, Webster, concentrate. - Hey, you're gonna you come back and visit us?

What's there to come to? Another couple of years these machines will have your jobs

Not mine, someone's always gotta change the ribbon, right?

Come on, come on let's play.

I don't know, I think he'd got a straight. I'm out.

Me too, all yours.

Yes, I gotta get back to work fellas.

I'll see you and raise your dime Webster.

What do you need, a nine?

Let me see, there are two other nines showing... wait a minute.

There were 20 cards up ... 32 down ... 4 people playing...

- You need a nine, huh? - Wait a minute, what is this?

I make an honest bet, you go from programming?

You're bluffing.

You never would have made the bet without that damn computer, right?

Yeah.

That's one of my rules, never allow principles to interfere with victory.

- Taking the afternoon off? - I am taking the year off.

You can have my gold watch and white collar.

I don't understand you Webster, you are just gonna walk away from your whole life like this?

Ted, I don't like this life. I've got an accountant who steals from the government.

I've got doctor who lies for me so that I can steal from the insurance company.

The insurance company stealing from their clients.

Everybody is stealing from everybody...

And we work to computerize the whole mess.

- Right, but that is just the way things are. - Not for me, not anymore.

Anyway what I do is as a consolation get me my office that has a great view.

Thank you very much.

My best to your wife and children and don't forget your house payment.

What the hell are you so smug about? You're divorced and jobless.

Yeah, and you're married and working.

The time is 3:59, this is station KXISE Houston, Texas,

It's a bright sunny day, the temperature is about 75°,

the relative humidity is 99%, but it's a beautiful beautiful day.

At 7.30 our special guest is gonna be Sandy Koffat.

Howdy Ma'am,

Gosh, that was quick! I just called the man. I just hung up the phone.

- Called who? - Called to find me water and power.

They told they would send someone over in ten minutes.

Ten minutes, huh? Well, I picked up the call in my radio truck.

We aim to please, if the name of the game is service ma'am and here I am.

Thank you, thank you.

It always happens when the Henderlings are out of town.

Just as I suspected, the water is definitely off.

I'd like you to stay right here with the tap and I'm gonna check the gages in the house.

You watch it and yell when the water goes on, right?

- OK, this gonna take a long? - Shouldn't be more than 10 minutes.

How about now?

No, nothing.

I'll take the second floor.

Any water yet?

No, nothing.

ALARM SYSTEM. DOORS. WINDOWS. REAR STAIRS.

Sorry, I wasn't able to help you.

Damn, all the time I've been standing here?

There's a guy coming over who knows exactly what he's doing.

I do hospitals and apartments and things like that.

- Thanks for your help. - I'll never get the washing done.

What are you doing here man? Why you bothering me? What you want?

I have a proposition for you, Dynamite.

Wait wait, my name is not Dynamite. My name is Hector.

- Do not forget. - OK.

- I think you should hear me out. - What is it with you? Don't you understand English

I don't want to talk to you, I don't even know you and you're gonna get hurt.

Who is going to hurt me, you?

Keep bothering me man and I'm going to close both your eyes.

Try it.

You want to talk?

I got a place where we can talk.

Hey, all I want to do is talk to you.

Hey, how's that for talk huh?

That the hardest you can hit kid?

Pretty good man.

Time's up fellas.

You're OK kid. I like you.

Thank you.

- I hope black. - Yeah?

You OK?

Hey, champion!

Mr. Deams, my friend.

- Mr. Deams? - It's my name.

I’m Webster McGee.

He's the one I told you about, my friend, from the gym, with the left hand.

I've dealt with him for ten years still can't understand a word he says.

- What is it you want bright eyes? - I'm gonna have some goods to sell you.

I don't need TV, hubcaps, or ...

- This is not hubcaps. - He's not talking about hubcaps.

- It's hip stuff. - I'm your man.

What about the financial arrangement?

You are going to get as a good a deal with me as you are going to find.

Give you the best deal in town man.

You can't find a better deal any place else.

There's two ways you can go.

I can get 50 percent of the value of the item or you can play the insurance game.

- What's the insurance game? - A very simple game.

What we do first of all is sell it back to the insurance company.

We sell it back to them for ten percent and they don't look for us and don't help the police.

- It's very simple man. - We talking?

You brought me here to talk to him.

The insurance companies are doing well enough without us.

- Yes so ... - Alright, then we go my way.

The split is 50 - 50.

I thought it was 60 - 40 and you were the 40.

You know that the rates are flexible man.

- High living cost... - You called me, I did not call you.

A telephone call is ten cents, not ten percent.

I think it's a good deal, because you're not going to get a better deal any place else man.

- Maybe in California, but ... - 45 percent, that's as good as I can do.

- Oh, no no no no, 45 percent, no - You're on.

It's a good deal.

Oh! Jesus!

Son of a bitch!

What the hell did you think you're doing? This is private property.

Get out of here before I call the cops.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry. We didn't know you were here. Leaving right away.

There he is.

- You got something for me? - I do, I do.

Hey, these are still in the set. Come here.

Now don't ever bring me stones that are set. Understand that?

That's about the easiest way there is boy to get caught.

Look at this.

That's gonna go four or four and a half carats.

- That's clear cut, good tone huh? - Come here with that.

Chess burglar.

- You heard about that huh? - Newspapers gave you some nice reviews.

What kind of dumb trick you think you were pulling?

That's dumb boy, plain dumb.

I don't think it's dumb. It's got style man.

- Stay out of it, will you. - I don't have to stay out of it.

This is a free country, right? I can say what I want.

Look, that's just one of those damned things you read in a book.

Yes, that will bring about 7,500. It's a nice piece.

Just leave that alone, I want it just as it is.

The newspapers say you don't know about chess man.

- Oh? - I got the reviews right here.

It says "Obviously, the thief doesn't know the game well".

"According to the rules, the white pawn always has the first move."

- Everyone knows that. - You know something? I didn't know.

- You didn't know that? - No, and I don't give a damn either.

- It's common knowledge, everybody knows that. - Mañana Dynamite.

Mañana? Don't call me Dynamite.

I thought you were Dynamite, the great boxer I was hearing about all the time.

Not to mention my boxing days. I'm very sensitive.

Can we just talk a little business here!

Coming..., according to my calculations ...

... we're going to net out about $ 20,000 on it.

$ 20,000!

$ 20,000! I'm getting my Jaguar car!

- Come on, let's get out of here. - 20 thousand!

- That's my handkerchief man. - Can I keep this?

Of course, I have two at home.

Another thing, Sergeant, I'd like you to photostat all the films.

You're gonna help us a little bit?

I got some issues not going too well.

OK. You got any ideas?

- Sure, he plays chess. - Oh you're great.

You know what I'm going to do? I'll quit the force and I’ll join an insurance company.

Oh no, don't do that. You got more money and you got a better pension plan.

Follow me at "Stephaninos". I'll meet you there.

Hello, my name is Webster McGee. I broke into your safe last week while you were in Europe.

Did you have a nice trip, Gene?

I think a new young enterprising district attorney might find some

of these interesting.

Is this the one where you were able to get the Highway Commission to put the highway right through your property?

- This is called blackmail. - A nasty word but accurate.

Oh you bastard.

Now I'm surprised, here's your change.

- Have a good weekend. - Yes, thanks, same to you.

What are you doing this to me for? How much you want?

Don't ne so crass. Not everybody is interested in money.

I just want to be around you.

- I wanna be your friend. - Hardly.

And as your good friend I want to meet all of your other good friends.

You must be out of your mind.

I am well educated Gene and I have recently come into a great amount of money.

Some of it is yours, and like you...

I am a connoisseur of fine secretarial talent.

You'd be proud of me.

- $ 25,000 make us friends? - No.

- 50,000? - No,

But maybe that dinner that you're throwing next week might.

You can introduce me as an old business acquaintance, now retired.

Retired? You could probably be my son.

Don't worry, Gene, I won't embarrass you.

And I'd like to meet your wife, they tell me she's eh...

she's a lovely hostess. Keep these I have plenty more.

- That's very considerate of you. - See? We're friends already..

Hello Gene, thanks for inviting me.

I'd show you around, Webster, but I think you already know the place. Come on.

- Webster McGee. This is my wife Arleen. - Mrs Henderling, thank you for having me.

- My son Biff. - Sir.

- How are you? - Well, sir.

- What school you go? - Johnston sir.

We are very proud of him. Tell the Mr. McGee that play you're in.

At the Miller Theater sir, for the Houston Shakespearian Society.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream". I've had marvelous reviews

And the director thought I was most talented.