Rick and Morty

Why are we waiting in line for food?

It's a pop-up.

It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing

that only enters our solar system -- Rick.

Morty: You're gonna spoil your appetite.

That's a weird way to say I'm gonna stop being hungry

by eating food, but whatever.

Three crispy, uh, four wiggling.

You're probably not even hungry. You just don't like lines

because they aren't about you.

Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend

respecting themselves. -Eugh!

Helios: What a wonderful thing to say!

Ha ha! I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said!

Sirs? Guys?

You dropped this.

Please, take it as a reward.

So courteous!

How nice it will be for you to eat

what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner.

Oh, no, that's okay.

I came to stand in line and then eat.

I-I wouldn't wanna do it differently.

Both: Hmm...

Dear fellow, I choose this moment

to surrender my sword so that you may succeed me

as the newest Knight of the Sun.

What? No.

I-I-I didn't even want your sandwich.

I don't want your sword.

Oh, believe me, son.

You want it. I don't understand.

You're knights? With a "K"?

Of the Sun with a "U" or -- or an "O"?

Your alphabet is of no concern here.

We are sworn defenders of Helios,

the center of this system.

Okay, so it's "Sun" with a "U."

Rick: Oh, God. Morty, don't take the sword.

Oh, I'm shocked you're against something, Rick.

You know these guys?

I know how they're dressed and how boring this sounds.

You take that sword, you're gonna get sucked

into a whole complicated --

Oh, shit!

Come on, take it.

Uh... I mean, if that kid's not gonna take the sword...

He didn't offer it to you.

Sorry. Can I just ask some stuff?

W-What does a Knight of the Sun do?

He takes the sword, for one thing.

You know what? Maybe you made a bad call.

He -- He doesn't want the sword.

I didn't say that.

Well, you sure aren't taking it.

Would you just take a random --

Obviously I would, yes! And I did!

Best decision of my life!

And you're shitting on it!

Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?

Knights: No! I'm taking the sword.

Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name?

Morty.

Now it is Sir Mortaniel.

I made it a little knightier.

Good day.

Wait, did he just --

God damn it, Morty! You took the sword?

So boring!

Oh, like you're not at this point?

You drunk cranky fuck!

Ouch.

You guys still gonna stand in line?

Y-You're not gonna take this food?

The pop-up pays us to stand here.

To drive up business.

Knew it.

Everyone!

Sir Helios' successor, Sir Mortaniel!

Wow, my -- my own song!

Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name

to something with three syllables.

Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun!

So it is the Sun, like Earth's sun?

Ah-ha, he's heard of us!

How come I'm not, like, burning to a crisp?

You are currently protected by our powers,

but soon they will be yours.

Our flesh is indestructible!

Our lives are never-ending, but not even in the dumb

vampire way where after a while you hate it

and you can't die.

We can die whenever we want.

We just don't have to.

But you're not allowed to leave, right?

L-Like, I'll -- I'll -- I'll never see my family again?

We leave constantly!

I met you on an asteroid.

Oh, yeah. Between us, that wasn't a deal breaker,

but it's even better that there's options.

You'll have more freedom than you've ever known.

Our king.

The Sun is the center of the solar system.

It is the home of the solar Scepter,

around which all worlds revolve.

The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods.

Any more questions?

Uh, yeah, where do I sign?

Huzzah.

Well, that does it.

Off to the parapet to make this official.

Yeah, let's do this.

Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the Sun.

Oooooooookey-dokey.

I see Mortaniel wants to go first.

Uh, not true.

Do I just leave the sword wherever?

I-Is there a sword bin?

What are you saying? You don't want to cut off --

Listen, guys, c-can we not --

It's a terrific and painful sacrifice

we all make for the most important

and powerful job in the universe.

We've done it since the dawn of dawns.

Yep. There it is in stained glass.

It's official. A-And I'm not judging it.

And I'm not doing it.

People really live here?

This is nuts. I thought it was a metaphor.

We have to go.

Ah. Boy. They're not messing around, huh?

How are you not burning?

Oh, it's just science,

which, unless I'm misinterpreting,

is clearly not a priority here.

Okay, c'mon, lil' June bug.

I-I won't rub your face in this one.

I-I'm guessing you're feeling pretty stupid.

Yes. Thank you.

Sir Helios gave his life with that sword.

Mortaniel took it.

He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.

Hmm. Okay, uh, one sec.

I'm guessing these guys are, like, pseudo-immortalish

since they live on the Sun, so playing by their rules

might be the fastest way out of this.

J-Just best him in combat.

What? Here.

This sword uses A.I. to learn from an opponent's attacks.

So I have to get attacked first?

No, no, no, the sword has already seen "Blade."

And loved it. You'll be fine.

-By golly! -Ooh! Crikey!

Okay, so we're done here.

No. We're not done.

I am done.

You are now king of the Sun.

Protect the Scepter always.

No, no, no, no, I don't want to!

Well, how is that supposed to work?

He's king, but he was never even a knight.

I mean, that's stupid. Uh, it's --

it's definitely a... Sun first.

A king with a penis?

Well, what do you want from me?!

Together: All hail King Mortaniel!

Uhhhhh, as your king,

I hereby declare a vacation, for me.

I'll come visit you guys, on, like, Sun Day...

Sundays.

If I forget, just wait a week.

Keep doing that, keep the crown. Peace.

Hell yeah. See?

That's from when he's fighting Deacon Frost.

I don't know. Um, I-I thought it was cool.

Okay. So...

So? Oh.

So, you dragged me to a fake restaurant,

yelled at me for not doing what you wanted,

then did something I told you not to,

and it almost cost you your pud,

but I saved your life, and now you're waiting for me

to make you feel like shit about it.

That's -- Yeah, you nailed it.

Morty, I'm sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.

All right, I get it.

There's nothing to get. I'm for real.

Look, I'm a drunk, I'm a psychopath,

I'm a murderer, but...

when you called me boring... I shouldn't have.

...I needed to hear it.

And you took the stupid sword, and I was like, "Holy crap,

this is who I am to this kid?

He just does the opposite of my advice now.

I mean, I-I gotta fix that."

So I'm gonna be, like, 22%

more agreeable with you for, like,

maybe one episode, or one adventure.

We'll see how it goes. Is 22% a lot?

Well, I-I'm not gonna tell you