Murder Drones

We are Worker Drones:

autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets

for our interstellar parent company,

JC Jensen, IN SPAAAAACEE....

Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex

but it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything.

Mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.

With biological life wiped from the planet,

we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off.

We finally had a future...

all to ourselves.

Unfortunately...

our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI.

-But what have our parents done for the past forever

while those things build a spire of corpses?!

Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?!

It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident.

Anyway, that's why my project is...

this sick-as-hell railgun!

That's so not the vibe!

Easy, morons.

It doesn't work.

Yet. It doesn't work yet.

Who said it doesn't work?! Maybe it does!

- Uzi, the homework was a word problem

about buying watermelons.

-Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?

No.

Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric,

And is it supposed to be that color?

Huh?

- Oh, here. No, wait, hold on. Shh.

Eww. It didn't kill her.

Oh, my God, I'm so bad.

-Ugh. -Alright!

Classic toxic masculinity, Chad!

That's never gonna end up problematic.

Oh, wow -- Uzi?

I-I heard you, uh --

-I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me.

Also, how do you know my name?

People willingly talk to you.

- Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh...

then you might blow the other half of your face off.

Crippling daddy issues. Hilarious.

What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?

That can happen?!

Awesome.

Hey, those bandages look pretty badass.

Oh.

E-Ew, gross.

I hate that you said that.

So, what's the, uh...

Sick-as-hell railgun?

Sci-fi nonsense that super works.

I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need

to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff --

Uh, but mostly the world part.

Oh -- but doesn't your dad make awesome doors

so we don't have to, uh...

do that scary-sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?

No more feedback on my repression today!

Ow! I'm sorry.

I-I-I didn't think-- -Bite me!

I'm not mad you, by the way-- just generally hormonal!

Tsk. Ugh.

Oh, robo-Jesus!

And where might you be off to?

-Mm, sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have?

Seriously, though.

Okay, okay. You caught me.

I need to...

measure the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door 1,

because that's...

the project I'm working on for school?

A big old door!

Just like what my old man built.

I wanna join the WDF

and hide behind doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff.

Well, we don't just play cards.

Khan, can you grab a fresh pack?

We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded.

Oh! Hey, Uzi. -

Well...

When you build doors so good...

Good door.

Gooooood door.

There's no need to fight.

Uzi, this is great news!

Here -- the wrench I used to tighten bolts

on my first door prototypes --

and to put your mother out of her mystery

when the Murder Drones got to her with their nanite acid.

I want you to have it.

Neat. Therapy is fun.

Guys! My daughter is into doors!

-Aww, come on! -Not my flush!

-She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door 1.

Your door-specific destiny awaits!

Uh, wow. Okay.

Just gonna leave then...

'cause this worked so weirdly well.

Uh, go, doors!

They grow up so fast.

Ugh.

Ugh!

Whoa -- and they said pirating all that anime was useless.

Ugh!

Bite me.

Holy hell.

Suck on that, Dad!

Huh?

Rrrrruuugh!

Did you just slap me with that arm?

Holy crap, it talks.

-Yeah, sorry -- it's just, my, uh, head kinda hurts.

Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uh...

...short for a Disassembly Drone.

I'm serial designation N! Nice to meet you.

I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city.

That's not true. Everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible.

Wait, I-I'm not supposed to tell you that part!

Biscuits.

Well, honesty is the best policy.

I also can't seem to remember the past three hours of my life.

Ah, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out!

Uh-huh.

I, uh, have to... go.

-Oof, stuck yourself? Just pop it in your mouth.

Our saliva neutralizes the nanites.

Otherwise, I'd be constantly disassembling myself.

Heh!

And by "our saliva," you mean...

Disassembly Drone?

Right.

Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there.

Sure! I love doing anything!

Bleh.

Sweet. Uh...

I'm open to new things, I guess.

We are never talking about this.

Talking about what?

Consider it, uh, repressed.

-Uh, you mentioned other members of your squad?

Are they coming back soon? -Oh, yeah -- two others.

Uh, they're out hunting for a bit, but you'll love them.

First, there's V.

- -No, no!

Please, don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family!

Daddy!

Oh, my God!

And yet, I still feel nothing.

So, V, uh...

I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight.

-Huh? Oh, God! Who are you?

Uh, no worries! I'm N!

But a-a whole letter is a lot to remember!

So, obviously a lot of mutual respect there.

But secretly, I actually kind of have a crush on her.

You can't tell her, okay?!

Uh, then, there's J -- our leader!

- N, you're worthless and terrible.

- Thank you. -And if the company allowed it,

I would straight up kill you myself.

J's awesome.

Hey, let me give you the tour --

outside of the corpse... wall thingies.

In here are the buttons!

This isn't just a landing pod.

-No, I -- uh-- uh, the Worker Drones --

This could get us off the planet.

More of a one-use missile.

They never taught us how to land.

-No, I -- uh-- uh, the Worker Drones --

we could work with them to fix this

Instead of all the murder!

Which, uh -- why are we doing that again?

Other than ingesting their...