We Go On

My name is Ronald Coaltic,

and I am not an actor,

but I've owned my model H524...

H52... uh, um...

If you want me to remember all this shit,

at least stop with all the goddamn distractions.

I mean, what's going on over there?

Well, look through this microscope.

This is what's actually happening

right under your toes.

(ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL, GLASS SHATTERS)

Ads, this is Rachel.

Uh, I'd like to buy an ad.

Print, online, or both?

Both.

Business name?

I don't have a business.

Oh, you want Classifieds. Let me transfer you.

No, no, no, no, look. How do I get the real thing?

Like a quarter page

in someplace prominent on your site, hmm?

Your name?

Miles Grissom, O-M.

And what's this an ad for?

I'm, uh...

I'd like to offer $30,000

to the first person that can show me definitive proof

of life after death,

like a ghost, or...

or something I could never doubt.

30 grand to show you a ghost?

You know how every year or two,

there's a headline that pops up about an asteroid

that's maybe on course to crash into Earth

and kill us all, right?

And then they say, "Oops, never mind.

"It'll miss us.

Death from space is canceled."

Then we get that relief.

We go on about our lives like there's no asteroid.

But that's insane,

because really there is still an asteroid,

that we should be afraid,

because we all have one coming,

and it's on a 100% guaranteed

collision course with you.

Your world will end.

We don't get to know when,

all we know for sure is that it never misses.

And look, I know that most people

are gonna be full of shit,

but in this whole city, I mean...

maybe I find one who can prove it to me.

Just to know for sure.

It would change everything.

Hey. Mom?

Okay.

Wait now, before you react, I know you hate surprises,

and I know you want me to call

before heading all the way here from...

It's really good to see you, Mom.

I guess I thought or hoped you wouldn't see it.

Oh, come on, it went viral.

You know, like crazy things do.

So it's what, a work thing?

Mom, I'm serious about this.

Okay, you're making a huge face at me right now.

Relax your face.

Aunt Lily left that money for you to help,

and here you go spending half of it on...

All of it.

Paid the other half for the ad.

You what?

I can't...

We agreed to find you, like, an actual professional.

Yeah, but wouldn't it be better if this one simple thing

saved me, instead of, I don't know, 12 years of therapy?

I mean, I'm in LA and I can't even drive a car.

Well, that's different.

Not everyone lost their father to these freeways.

Yeah? I was 3.

You'd think by now, I'd be able to ride more than a bike.

You actually think you're going to find something?

Look at you.

You do, don't you?

This is nothing.

Most of it's online.

Don't tell me you're not curious.

My tutorial will prove

that the devil was worshiped on pages

but proof here in the Bible.

Sent from the Almighty God.

When I get flashed by a light,

I get possessed by this German Nazi soldier.

I don't know why.

I've never spoken German, I've never been to Germany...

Okay, so I got my sister out of the hospital

just for this.

She can... she can...

h' she focuses, she can tell the...

She has to focus, but she can tell you

what's going to happen...

Dirty cheaters.

Blah!

She only comes in

when everyone but me is asleep,

because I'm the one she likes best.

Fake. Definitely.

Look.

Because I can talk to dead people.

So you don't believe in ghosts, huh?

Well, you should.

They're everywhere.

I can show you, I think.

Yeah, I'm with one right now, a dead lady,

who says you've seen her already

in the... in the grandfather clock.

She died in that place.

If you're intrigued, maybe we should meet, yeah?

Don't have a...

I say into the loony bin with him.

Grandfather clock?

Actually, I say

we throw him in the "Maybe" pile.

Why?

Well, it's the only voice-mail reply

I got from an unknown caller.

Except I didn't give my number out.

Okay, let's see.

We've got 1,067 responses, all told.

Uh, 493 unconvincings or incompletes.

241 for Jesus Christ. Amen.

97 definite fakes,

91 pranks,

uh, 65 solicitors,

26 just crazy nonsense,

and 12 people who want to be

my personal psychedelic drug guide.

But there are three that are interesting.

You forgot the Masturbators.

No, I counted them as solicitors.

Of what?

Okay, three candidates.

We've got the scholar,

the medium,

and the entrepreneur.

The first guy is Dr. Ben Ellison.

We create the world around us

with our consciousness,

and that is why adults rarely see ghosts.

They've closed that door, they've shut it up tight

with skepticism and suspicious questioning.

But that door can be opened again.

Says he got a technique that will guarantee

a supernatural encounter.

I just like the science angle.

Number two. This is... the medium?

Yes, Josefina, down in Inglewood.

Works in her family's restaurant.

I cannot show you a ghost that doesn't want to be seen.

No one can.

But one meditation with me,

and I can show you your own death

and you can know everything I know.

Okay, I believe she believes it,

sure, but that isn't...

Wait, wait, all of her references vouched.

I mean, would you prefer one of those

reality television ghost hunter assholes?

Okay.

Third guy's the entrepreneur.

Sexy phone voice.

Yeah, you'll like this one, I know.

Emmett Fromm.

I spent 30 years of my life in pursuit

of the same treasure you're digging for.

I wanted to know for sure,

I wanted to live my life fearlessly.

I traveled the world, I talked to mystics, monks,

and I finally found what I was looking for

on the top of a mountain in Tibet.

I paid the bulk of my worth for it.

After I opened this box,

I knew it was worth every penny.

You will have to open yourself and see what comes out.

Hmm!

Look at this beast.

I bet you run things over and don't even know it.

You really doing this?

Yes.

I'm going to go see the first guy this afternoon.

The science guy?

Mm-hmm. I don't trust that guy.

You taking the bus?

Yeah.

Get in.

It's sort of on my way.

Maybe I'll go inside with you,

make sure you don't take any shit.

Well, I'm thrilled, actually, that you called me.