Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

What if this was your house?

Power's out. Lights are dead.

Your little ones in their bunk bed down the hall, crying out...

Mommy! Daddy! Come quick! I'm scared!

- You need to get there, and fast. - Coming, honey! Daddy's coming!

You'll need a weapon. But first, you'll need a flashlight.

But you're in the dark! What are you gonna do?

How are you gonna find it? I'll tell you how.

The Glow-in-the-Dark Flashlight!

That's right, folks! I'm Larry Daley of Daley Devices,

and we're gonna spend the next paid-programing block

rocking your world.

And I brought along a friend to do it.

George Foreman, ladies and gentlemen!

Fantastic, Larry, fantastic! Isn't he fantastic, America?

But, seriously, isn't it true that just two years ago,

you were working as a night guard at some dusty museum?

That is true, two-time world heavyweight champ George Foreman.

I was just a regular Joe with a flashlight and a dream.

You mean a regular Larry.

But what's no joke is you're CEO of Daley Devices,

creator of such indispensable items as the Super Big Dog Bone!

You like that one?

The Unlosable Key Ring!

Oh, yeah, that little chestnut!

And now your latest breakthrough...

Say it with me, America!

The Glow-in-the-Dark Flashlight!

Whatever the household crisis, this is Daley Devices. Can I help you?

Gina, give this back to Stewart. I don't trust his math, okay?

That guy called again. Again?

Lar! Huge news! We got the Wal-Mart meeting.

- No! When? - Yeah. Three days.

Okay, all right. We got a lot of work to do.

Well, okay, did you just hear me say "Wal" and "Mart" together?

Yeah! I know, it's huge.

So just take a second to be happy about it.

All right. Hey!

You're totally making fun of me.

No, let's hold off on the victory parade till we close, okay?

You got it.

And when does he want to meet?

They want Friday morning, 10:00 a.m.

Okay, then, you know what? Cancel that pitch

for the electric saw thing with the propeller, all right?

I just want to focus on this. Okay.

Just this. My daughter's birthday, canceled!

You can go home. I'm gonna be pretty late, okay.

Okay, boss.

Hello! Excuse me! Unauthorized personnel!

Oh! If it isn't our very own Mr. Success Story.

Come for one of your nostalgia tours?

I haven't seen you for a few months.

Yeah, I've been busy. What's going on here?

Progress, so they tell me.

The future. Behold, Natural History, version 2.0.

Welcome to The Museum of Natural History, where history comes to life!

Step up, ask your question.

Then let the next little boy or girl have their turn.

Okay, where were you born?

Right here in New York City, on Twentieth Street.

October 27th, the year of our Lord 1858.

Blah, blah, blah. History, history. Learning, learning.

Changing America, one child at a time.

That's great. So you're adding some new interactive exhibits?

No, Mr. Daley, not adding. Replacing the old exhibits.

Where are they going?

Away.

We're getting rid of all this junk. The dioramas, the waxworks,

even some of the shabbier animals,

like this scrawny little monkey.

You should be careful. He's a capuchin.

It's a monkey.

He's a rare breed. He's a capuchin. He's not just a monkey.

"Monkey", then. I said "monkey". Why be specific?

When you're throwing away a monkey, you don't need the Latin name.

Are you throwing him away or are you moving him?

What are you, the Primate Garbage Police?

Let it go, baby.

- Whose idea was this? - Me, of course.

I'm in charge. Me and the board.

Mainly the board.

Anyway, why do you care?

No, it's just that people love this stuff.

People, Mr. Daley, love "What's next?"

You should know that. You left.

My situation changed. My business took off...

Yeah, you became a success. So would I, if I was a night guard.

So where are these guys going?

Deep storage. Federal Archives.

- Where's that? - Washington, D.C.

The Smithsonian.

There's got to be something that we can do.

It's done! They leave tomorrow morning. It's over.

Hey.

Hey, buddy, how you doing? Huh?

How you doing with all this?

Oh. You want what's in here? Huh?

You think I got something for you?

You think I got a little rope? Huh?

Think you're stronger than me, huh? Whoa!

Is that all you got, huh?

Lawrence! Good to see you, lad!

Yeah, you too, Teddy.

The Guardian of Brooklyn has returned!

Hey, Ahk. Look, McPhee told me what's going on around here.

- I had no idea. - Indeed.

A lot has transpired, Lawrence, since your last visit.

One would say that...

- Just... - Cricket.

Hey, Bocephus! Little help over here!

Hey.

Hey, fellas. How you doing?

Well, lookee here.

If it ain't Mr. Big-in-the-Britches himself,

come back just in time to see us off!

Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't even know how this happened.

Yeah. Yeah, real mystery how this happened.

Maybe the answer's on that magic buzzing box there in your hand!

You weren't here, Gigantor! That's how it happened!

Ain't no mystery!

The fact is, Larry, there's no one else here to speak on our behalf

during business hours.

None, none, dum-dum.

Hey, guys! It's okay!

I'll call the board in the morning, all right? I got some pull now.

I'll handle this. We're gonna be okay here.

"We"? Did you hear that? You hear Daydream Johnny?

There ain't been a "we" ever since you put us on the "pay no mind" list.

And that's a cold place to be, boy.

Larry, what's done is done.

Even the glory of Rome had to come to an end.

Would you please not look dramatically off into the middle distance

when you say that? It makes me feel worse.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Where are you looking? Where are you looking? I'm over here.

Just a bit of wall.

Look, guys, maybe it won't be so bad.

Yes, you make a good point.

But this is the Smithsonian we're talking about here.

Dexter, you don't know that.

You're missing the point, Gigantor! They're shipping us out!

Larry, I know you're trying to make us feel better.

I can see that you're genuinely slightly bothered,

but it's never going to be the same.

All of us here, together, in this place.

It ain't never gonna be home, boy.

Jedediah, please! Lawrence, these are emotional times for all of us.

But it is our last night as a family,

and I don't want to see it squandered in self-pity.

So who will join me for one final stroll through these hallowed halls?

- Do you want to go for a walk? - No.

I'm just gonna squander it in self-pity.

My dear, shall we?

Safe journey, my love.

Hey, Dexter, want some help there?

Hey, come on, man. No hard feelings, all right?

It's gonna be fine.

It's almost dawn, Lawrence.

Yeah. So, where's your crate, Teddy?

I won't be making this journey, Lawrence.

It seems myself, Rexy, and a few of the signature exhibits

will be staying here for now.

Without the tablet?

In truth, Lawrence,

Ahkmenrah's tablet will be remaining here with him.

What?

They're going without the tablet, my friend.

I'm afraid this night is their last.

You didn't tell them.

Sometimes it's more noble to tell a small lie than deliver a painful truth.

Are you gonna be okay?

I shall do my best.

And who knows?

Sometimes the greatest change brings about even greater opportunity.

Look at you, Lawrence.

You left this place and created quite a life for yourself.

Yeah, I guess so.

I should hope you'd do more than guess, my friend.

You're a captain of industry. The world at your fingertips.

It seems to me you have everything you wanted.

Yeah, no, I know.

No, you don't. If I may, lad,

allow me to offer you one piece of advice.

The key to happiness, to true happiness, is...

Hang on one sec. I just gotta...

I got this Japanese deal.

No, okay, I'm turning this off. I'm sorry.

The key to happiness?

I'll see you, Teddy.

So they're gone? There's nothing you can do?

I wish there was, man. I'm telling you, I tried everything.

I talked to McPhee, I called the board,

but they shipped them out this morning.

This is a lot of food, Dad.

Yeah. Ed from work's gonna come by. I thought I told you.

We just have to go over a couple of little work things.

So you're working tonight.

I used to work every night, remember?

That was when you had the coolest job in the world.