Blood Diner

Kids! I can't...

Where are those little shit-heads?

There you are. Now pay attention.

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Don't open the door. Don't let anyone in.

Going to the market.

Ran out of goddamn tampons.

We interrupt this program

to give you an important news bulletin.

A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club slaying

has fled the scene and managed to elude the police.

He is armed and dangerous

and has been spotted in the Westside area

armed with a meat cleaver in one hand

and his genitals in the other.

We urge all residents to stay inside and lock your doors

until the suspect has been apprehended.

We now return you to your normal programming

for your listening pleasure.

Okay, George, I'm ready. Go get Spunky.

Okay, Mike.

Aw, come on, George.

Stop fooling around.

Here, Mikey.

Look deep into my eyes, Spunky.

You are under my power.

You'll do as I say.

Uncle Anwar! Uncle Anwar!

And how are my two favourite nephews?

Great, Uncle Anwar. I've been practicing my hypnotism

exactly as you said to in your book.

Well, that's fine, Michael. That's very fine.

And what about you, George Forge'?

Look, Uncle Anwar. Yum yum.

Ah, why, George, you are going to be a great chef one day.

Honestly, that looks good enough to eat.

You remember the story

I told you about the ancient Lumerians?

And the goddess Sheetar.

Boy, that's our favourite story!

These are for you to keep.

Absolutely genuine...

Lumerian amulets.

Take good care...

for they are over 5 million years old.

Anwar Namtut...

- Wow! Keen! - We know you're in there!

I'm afraid your Uncle Anwar

- is in a bit of a pickle... - Detective Paul Stanton...

so I'll have to go and straighten things out.

What's the matter, Uncle Anwar?

I want you to promise me

you will never forget me or all the things I taught you.

And study your book hard for Sheetar.

Can't you stay and play?

We have the house surrounded.

No. Got to go.

Love you, boys.

We know you're in there!

Time's up, Anwar! We're coming in!

There he is.

Hold your fire.

Drop the cleaver, Anwar!

He's coming!

Sheetar!

Hey.

What's going on?

Hey, what's going on?

Boo.

Bull's-eye!

Hey, Mikey.

Come on, Georgie. Stop screwing around.

We have work to do for Uncle Anwar.

What now, Mikey?

Okay. Open up the coffin.

Sit him up.

Whoa.

You see? He's happy to see us.

Give me the hacksaw.

Damn thing's stuck. Georgie, give me a hand, will ya?

We got it.

What now, Mikey?

"The resurrection from the veil of chaos and darkness

has come again, Sheetar."

- Is it working, Mikey? - I don't know.

This type of thing hasn't even been tried since...

5 million years, you morons.

And how are my two favourite nephews?

- Anwar? Uncle Anwar? - Of course.

- It's Anwar. Anwar. - Who do you think it is?

Oh, it's Anwar! We did it!

- Uncle Anwar! - We did it!

We did it! Georgie, it's us!

Quit fucking around, you two!

- We have work to do. - It's... Mikey!

Oh, my God. Oh, I can't believe it.

Oh, my God.

Grave robbers, maniac grave robbers,

and it isn't even Halloween yet.

What do you make of it, Mark?

Beats me, Chief.

Seems like the work of pathological weirdos.

Without doubt, your most understated deduction to date,

my friend, but... but where are the clues?

Can't say I found any.

I interviewed the watchman's daughter,

good-looking babe.

She said he didn't have an enemy in the world.

Damn good thing he didn't.

As it was, his eyeballs were popped out of his head,

and the rest of his body was hacked to bits

and strewn about like some ungodly jigsaw puzzle.

There's gotta be some clues here somewhere, Chief.

We just gotta put the pieces together

and see what we've got.

You're right, Mark.

You're always right

and a damn good detective, too, I might add.

But when you've been on the force

as long as I have, you begin to develop

a sixth sense about the diabolical.

It kind of slinks down surreptitiously

and grabs you by the shorts.

Lately, I've had this strange premonitive feeling

about some inevitable event of cataclysmic proportions

which is looming ahead of us.

You need help. I'm assigning you a new partner,

a rookie from New York.

She broke the enema bag rapist case wide open

posing as a sex surrogate.

You are now anointed disciples of Sheetar.

If you follow my instructions carefully,

we will be able to resurrect

the goddess Sheetar from the dead.

You must be disciplined and prepare for a mission

far more taxing than anything you have ever confronted.

What the hell are you gawking at, you idiots?

Remember the night I came to see you?

That night, on this mission, I lost my genitals and my life

because of lack of discipline with the glee club girls.

I couldn't stop myself from indulging!

You boys must stay solid!

This is a mission I failed to accomplish in my lifetime.

You, my nephews, must construct Sheetar

from the body parts of many immoral girls,

but this is just the start.

In order to raise her from the dead,

a ceremony must take place.

Michael, find a virgin

to sacrifice to Sheetar at the ceremony.

George, you must cook a blood buffet.

That will summon the goddess

to take over the body you have constructed for her.

Sheetar. Sheetar.

An immortal goddess more powerful than Superman.

We will use your diner to find our victims.

I will do the choosing.

Sheetar, help us.

Makes quite a thing out of it.

Trying to break that bridge of Montclair's.

Come on, Connie.

All you have to do is take your top off.

All you do is show your tits. No big deal.

We need your answer now, Connie.

Are you gonna do it?

I told you she's a little fraidy-cat.

Come on, Clarice. We can do it without her.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Listen, when I started as head cheerleader,

I decided we'd all be vegetarians. Fine.

Then another vegetarian cheerleader group came up,

so I added aerobics.

Last month, some other school added aerobics...

Oh, my God! I'm getting a ticket!

I hate wrestling. Turn that damn TV down!

I'm sick to my stomach, God damn it.

Shit.

Son of a...

Apparently not hurt by it.

Just kicked out. Get himself...

I'd like to wrestle that sideshow freak.

George? George!

George, is that you?

Yes, Uncle. You miss me?

George, get your fat ass over here,

and get this off me.

Good morning, Uncle.

What the hell are you gawking at?

Get me over to the window, you numskull!

That's a better view for you, Uncle.

Hmm...

slim pickings.

What an idiot.

Hey, Georgie!

Georgie, quit goofing off, and get to work, will you?

Sheetar, help us.