The Shooting Party

'Life's so extraordinarily pleasant for those of us who have been born in the right place.

'Ought it to be so pleasant, and for so few of us?

'And isn't there a kind of saiety about it all

'and at the same time greed?

'We seem to have become money-mad.

'There's never been so much gambling, speculating, fortune-hunting.

'People say the military regime in Germany will insist on a trial of strength, sooner or later.

'And might that not cleanse us of our materialism, our cynicism, our lax, lazy hypocrisies?

'Make us gird our sinews and find simplicity again?

'And then should we not be fitter afterwards to make a better world?

'For that must be what we're here for...to leave the world a better place than we found it.'

­ Better be ready, Mr Stephens, sir. Yes, yes. Quite right, Percy.

RHYTHMIC BEATING >

Over there on the right! >

PANIC-STRICKEN SQUAWKS

GUNFIRE AUDIBLE, BUT AT A DISTANCE

All out now, Sir Randolph! >

That's 62 pheasant, 2 hares and a woodcock today, sir.

Percy, don't let Sir Randolph hear you keeping score. Our host considers it unsporting.

71 pheasant, 3 woodcock and 2 hares, m'Lord.

We are ahead of Mr Stephens? Ahead, my Lord, but not comfortably so.

Hello, isn't that Lionel Stephens? Buried in a book as always!

Hello, Bob! < 'Afternoon, Lionel!

Hello! < Olivia!

You missed a good first day, Bob. I'm desolate, Randolph!

But one can't refuse to be one's brother's best man.

Especially at Godfrey's age. Have you brought fancy dress?

You know Lady Hartlip? Of course!

Dressing up isn't really my style, Minnie. You're as bad as Randolph.

You did nicely today.

Doubtless Olivia has brought some ravishing confection(!)

Another Greek classic?No, no.

Ruskin! I love Ruskin. Even when he's talking nonsense, I love it.

Here you are...Thank you.

Hopkins! A mustard bath for Sir Reuben!

Lady Nettleby!Olivia, my dear!

Come along!

Forgive us for arriving late.

It seems everything will depend on your turn-out tomorrow night.

You know Lord and Lady Hartlip? Yes.

Hello, Gilbert.Hello, Bob. Aline.

And Count Tibor Rakassyi,> visiting from Hungary.

Lord and Lady Lilburn.Hello.

You must know our daughter-in-law, Ida. Her children, Cicely and Marcus.

We've met. At Henley, wasn't it? I expect you'd like to unpack.

I'll get Rogers to send someone to bring your things in from the car.

You're not having any more! Just one, Flo!

Hello, Flo. Dad's back is bad again. He won't be fit to beat tomorrow.

Can't Dr West do nothing for it, then?

What's this? Lardy cakes from Mum. How many has Dan eaten?!

Will you tell Tom Harker I'll need him as a beater? 8.00 sharp. Batty Clump.

You said you'd not use him after catching him again. I don't like it.

Gives him a free reccy, but it can't be helped.

He knows what he's doing, and I need a reliable stop.

Besides, he only poaches for the pot.

Good evening! >

'Evening, sir! I want the Nettleby Arms.

I'll point you in the right direction. That would be very kind.

I see you've got a bad leg. Is that from the South African War?

No, it was a man-trap, sir. Good God! But that's illegal!

I bear no grudge. The game-keeper was doing his duty as he saw it.

His DUTY? To trap a fellow human and cripple him for life?

All to ensure a few more birds for someone else to murder? You might say so.

The birds are our brothers and sisters! We can survive on the fruits of field and orchard.

They say the Lord will provide.

There's a massacre tomorrow? I know nothing of the pastimes of the upper classes, sir.

That silly arse Matthews has left half my things behind.

What a nuisance! But you look very nice.

It's frightfully bad form. It looks as though I'm going to a damn ball!

Oh, Bob!

It's all very well... You can dismiss these things if you like.

But they're part of the structure...

..of our lives. If we lose respect for them...

..we lose respect for ourselves.

My self-respect is not connected with your shirt studs!

But you mean I can be frivolous because I am supported by you

and the position you confer on me by making me your wife.Isay...

"It is far better for a gentleman to mow his OWN fields,

"than to ride over other people's."

You're trying to provoke me, but I shall NOT rise.

Who is this ape, anyway?

John Ruskin! There you are, then.

Art and Life are different things, as he found out on marriage.

Who gave you this rubbish?Lionel Stephens was looking at it and...

..he gave it to me when I said I liked Ruskin.

Good man, Stephens.

This is where I turn off.

The Nettleby Arms is 100 yards on.

Oh, by the way... SIR! Let me give you one of my leaflets.

One moment.

Here we are! I can see you're a fellow spirit.

Good day to you, sir.

Fellow bloody spirit indeed(!)

Bloody lunatic! 'Murder', indeed! Bloody barmy, if you ask me.

What...? What's this, then? < I've a message from Mr Glass.

Will you beat for him? 8.00 tomorrow.

Batty Clump.Beat for him, eh? Who's fallen out?

My dad.Has he? It's his back.

What do you think of that? "The Rights Of Animals".

Animals haven't GOT rights!

Shouldn't think so. I don't know.

Except to hunt and be hunted. ..Here then, look what I've got!

Liquorice. It's for waiting for me.

Thank you, Mr Harker.

Hello, John. - I think that's everything, sir.

I'll empty this for you. No hurry. I've done all the writing I'm going to do.

The way she talks about Lady Hartlip, that Hortense! I couldn't repeat it!

No, you'd better not!

Is she a flirt? French maids are supposed to be.She flirts with John.

You must marry John quickly, to keep him in order. Miss, we couldn't.

Not yet. Not without any prospects. John won't be a footman for ever.

He did think of applying to be Mr Stephens' valet. He thinks he's nice.I do, too. Very nice!

And yet, in a funny way, he's SO nice,

and so GOOD at everything, so kind and elegant and clever, I wonder if he's quite real.

Count Rakassyi's more your sort, Miss. He's more 'lively'.

Ellen, you're just saying that to find out what I think about him! Miss, please sit down!

Of course he's more my sort of gentleman. But he's nearly thirty, you know?Is he really?

He's well-preserved, if you know what I mean. I shall have to marry him, then.

And you and John will come to Hungary as valet and lady's maid.

And we'll gallop across the Hungarian snow-covered plain from palace to palace!

I never fancied snow. You're very particular!

­ Cicely, please DON'T borrow my things again without asking.

Good evening, m'Lady.

You shouldn't encourage her. I don't NEED to. She does very well on her own.

Don't fawn on her. It insults her.

You're always writing in that big, brown book, Grandpapa.

It's my Game Book. Well, part of it is my Game Book. Part of it is my thoughts. It's not a bad idea...

..writing down one's thoughts. It saves bothering others with them.

I HATE writing.

That's because you're not very good at it. One doesn't enjoy doing what one's not very good at.

'My wife and I are very fond of each other... But she cares for society more than I do...'

I have to cover my legs with powder, it's the only way.

And lie on my back with my legs in the air.

And then my maid and I have to pull hard for hours!

Can it be worth the agony? Oh, YES ! They look wonderful.

­ What do?! My hunting boots. Oh, yes!

Is the Israelite not amongst us? No, he got his feet wet in a ditch.

I've sent Hopkins up to him with a mustard bath.

If he was inadequately shod...

He was not inadequately shod. He was shod the same as everyone else.

We don't want too many people about with imagination.

LIONEL AND OLIVIA CHAT INTIMATELY >

There's absolutely nothing in it!

I don't know to what you refer, but it'll be wickedness.Speculation.

A thousand apologies for being late.

I'm sure it was Hopkins' fault. Meet Harry and Mildred Stamp. Sir Reuben Hergesheimer.

Oh! I've heard so much about you! - You flatter me!

A glass of sherry...wine, Hergesheimer?A thousand thanks.

How perfect your coverts are. As good, in my opinion, as Sandringham, though smaller.

We copied them.I didn't realise. Almost bankrupting the estate.

Mildred, there's been something I've been wanting to ask you...

Ah, Sandringham...

We were there twice, a long time ago.

Dinner is served. Thank you, Rogers.

Sir Reuben, would you escort Mildred in?It would be my pleasure.

Oh, do look!

How beautiful!Rogers, I think we have a need for Master Osbert.

< How divine!

Osbert will catch it. What a naughty boy!

I'm sorry!Nonsense! But I agree we should wait for Osbert.

It's thinking!I hope she doesn't come to any sudden decisions.

Osbert, apologise to Granny!

I'm sorry, Granny.Never mind, dear.

Rogers, I think it's safe to serve dinner now.

A wild duck is an unusual pet. - I found her on the river last year.

A chick? > About 4 days old.

Dear boy, won't she fly away? - Oh, she DOES. But she comes back.

She pleases herself when she arrives and then she comes to look for me.

­ Best hang on to her tomorrow.

< If she's with the wild ducks, she'll be for it.

Keep her in, Os. Don't forget. Do you HEAR that, Duck?! >

If you fly over me, I can tell you you haven't a hope.

Bang, bang! And it will ALL be over!

If you kill her, I will kill you.

Osbert! Oh, you will ?! How do you propose to do that?

I will kill you by prayer.

Tell me, Mr Stephens, which sport do you excel at?

Billiards. Billiards?!

Very droll! Tricky game, billiards.

You should say shooting after today!

Not before the finest shot of all.

Very civil of you.

It's more than what the sentences actually say. Just like music.

Art makes us better. Do you agree?

'I couldn't look at you when you smiled. Did you notice?

'Not because it dazzles, but because it is so innocent.

'You are Truth because you are Beauty; Beauty because you are Truth.

'You cannot stop me dying for you, although I would much rather live for you...if you would let me.'

I hope you like the port.

­ If it's as good as the shooting, I, for one, shan't complain!

I hear you're successful at the Bar, Stephens. - Thank you, Sir Reuben.

Ever considered politics? - Yes, but it's not my style.

You could never relax on an estate, Lionel.Each to his own.

Isn't it time you put down roots, Hergesheimer?

< Letting all those millions go to charity! If I had an heir,

I don't know how I would wish him to behave. Should he assimilate into your society?

< Or should he remember his ancestors in the Polish ghetto?

Well...

..don't stay undecided for too long. If the land-owning class goes, everything goes.

What do you say, Lionel?