Bartok the Magnificent

In the Russian woods

There's an evil witch

People only whisper of her name in fright

Teeth of sharpened iron

Hands that catch the wind

Steals the children sleeping in their beds at night

She flies in a mortar and pestle

Through darkened Russian skies

lf you see her running would be wise

Baba Yaga

- Baba Yaga - Baba Yaga

The witch of the Iron Forest

Her evil is next to none

Baba Yaga

- Baba Yaga - Baba Yaga

The wolves are afraid to chase her

The wind is afraid to race her

All Russia's afraid to face her

Except for one

Women and children in front. Gentlemen behind, please. Don't push.

- Plenty of room for everybody, sir. - Oh!

Now, don't try this at home.

Part of the show. Totally planned.

Stay with me now, folks, 'cause here comes the good stuff.

Once in Mongolia I noticed a fire

Whole city burnin' and the flames gettin' higher

They're yelling "Save us or we're all gonna bake"

I ate the flames and then I drank the whole lake

They called me Bartok the Magnificent

The specifically terrifically Magnificent

A mammal so inflammable he saved the day

I tell you, B-A-R-T-O-K

Folks, that's 10,000 pounds of pressure.

Go over there at once and put a stop to that inane little bat.

No, Ludmilla. Leave him alone.

I like him. He's funny.

- Your Highness, can you- - Yes?

As you wish.

Leave him be.

Folks, this here's a dragon, an exact replica.

150, 200 tons easy.

A fire spitter. Kill you with a flick of the tail.

Careful there, sir. Better safe than sorry.

One time in Hungary this dragon appears

He's very "hungary" No dinner in years

And then he grabs me and I'm practically through

But I summon all my strength...

and using the dragon's body weight against him, I throw him off me.

And I give him a one to the solar plexus and a two to the kidneys.

He was deflated 'cause I knew my kung fu

That's why I'm Bartok the Magnificent

With a " Hah" and a " Hy-ah" that are significant

That dragon hasn't eaten since that fateful day

Thanks to B-A-R-T-O-K

Bartok the Magnificent

Undeniably, reliably magnificent

And heaven help a harpy who gets in my way

I guess I'm just a natural or so they say

This bat'll go to battle for you, come what may

- I tell you - B-A-

R-T-OOOOOOOOO

- O-K - Great crowd. Good people.

Oh, please, you're too kind.

Show's over.

Thank goodness.

Thank goodness.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey! Okay.

Not so fast there, big fella.

Oh, really?

Why don't you try this on for size?

Abraca- Watch it!

Now, watch very closely. There's a half hitch.

And here's a sailor's breastplate,

and this one's called "ropin' the bear."

Yes! Yes!

Hey, thanks a lot, folks, really.

Thank you. That's too kind- Oh! Wow.

Thank you. That's too kind- Oh! Wow.

Bravo! Bravo!

Prince Ivan, that- that is a ring for a Romanoff.

- No commoner may ever wear that. - Why?

Because-

Because that is how it has always been.

Well, perhaps it's time for a change.

Ah, ah.

Very well, Your Highness.

- Let us go. - Thank you for helping my people!

Please, don't be silly. It was the least I could do.

- Bye! - Wow. Would you look at the shine on that?

You can't go around...

giving royaljewels to commoners,

especially street performers.

- You only encourage them. - Well, I wanted to encourage him.

Ludmilla, don't be that way.

The people like the bat. Did you see how he made them smile?

- It was nice to see them happy. - Nonsense.

I thought he was funny.

- Vol, what do you think? - I thought so.

When the feathers cleared...

and the bat's standing there holding a chicken-

- That's good stuff. - See?

Or-When he punched the-

Silence. Yes, Your Highness, I know.

But one day you'll be czar.

You must show respect for your crown.

If you don't, how can you expect the peasants to?

Your Highness, are you listening to me?

I'm tired of listening to you, Ludmilla.

If I am the future czar, then I will do as I choose.

And it is you who must respect the crown.

My apologies.

One for me and one for me.

One, two, three for me.

One, two, three...

for me.

And one, two, three, four for me.

And- Aah!

Why do you do that? I hate when you do that.

Ah, that never fails to amuse me.

- Ha ha ha. - Oh, come now.

You're certainly not going to let the fact that I got the better of you...

ruin quite possibly one of our finer performances to date, hmm?

You were inspiring today:

focused, fully in the moment,

exceeding well beyond what your talent would indicate.

- Thanks a lot. - And l-

Well, suffice it to say the performance of my death today...

would have shamed Prometheus.

Bound to a cliff-

Okay, okay. Okay, Zozi, with the cliff and the thing. Sheesh!

I wish you could hear yourself. It's really quite irritating.

Critics. And what, pray tell, are you doing now?

I'm divvying up the spoils. What do you mean?

This again. Why not just pool our assets? We're always together as it is.

No, no, no. Fair is fair.

You're not planning on keeping that, are you?

What are you talking about? He gave it to me.

Yes, but he's a child.

It is a ring for royalty, and you should know better.

Yeah, well, maybe I don't.

Well, I can only hope one day you will.

There we go. Perfectly balanced, my friend. Here.

- Perfectly balanced? - Oh, yeah.

- Both sides are the same? - Exactly even.

Good. Then you won't mind if I take this side.

Whoa, whoa. Wait a second there, fella.

What happened to pooling our assets?

- Will you give the prince back his ring? - Well, what's the hurry?

He's not going anywhere. Sheesh!

Oh. Oh, this can't be.

But last night he was in his bed, and he-

- Have you searched the grounds? And? - Every inch. Nothing.

- He's gone. - Oh, imbecile.

Wha- Oh, good heavens.

What is this?

A clue.

We must inform the peasants.

Good people of Moscow.

The prince has been kidnapped.

But I know who has stolen our czar.

For she left this iron tooth behind.

Baba Yaga!

- Baba Yaga! - Oh!

Yes. Baba Yaga.

Can anyone help us?

Think, good people, think.

Who- Who can rescue our prince from the evil Baba Yaga?

I know someone.

Hey, Zozi, will you take it easy up there?

Aargh! Avast there, me pint-sized matey.

Man the helm. Batten down the hatches.

Rough seas ahead. There's a storm a-comin'.

Heave ho! Hard a-starboard!

All hands, clear the deck. Splice the mainsail.

Enemies on the horizon.

- What, somebody's comin' ? - Aargh!

I spy with my- my little eye...

Cossacks. Cossacks!

Cossacks! I knew you shouldn't have kept that ring!

Quick, hide. If they see you're not dead, we will be. Hurry!

Hurry. Hide.

- Halt! - All righty. Halting.

Are you Bartok the Magnificent?

Uh, no. No, I'm not. Never have been.

-Although I hear he is quite gifted. A real talent. - Silence!

All right, I'lljust be quiet then. That's no problem for me to be quiet.

- I'lljust shush it right down. - What is that?

Uh- Ooh.

That's Bertok. Bertok the Magnificent.

It's really quite different. I take my show in a whole nother direction.

You are coming with us.

Oh, no, fellas, I really- I have a thing-

Okay, then, that'll be fun.

Hello, Your Royal Impressiveness.

Listen, if this is about the ring, just take it.

Bow before the Regent. Bow!

Okay, there. Bowing, bowing. Don't have to tell me twice. I love a good bow.

Oh, Bartok the Magnificent,

we're so glad you came.

- Please, l- You are? - Hmm?