State Fair

Wayne, be careful! Slow down.

How do you like the sound of that engine? I hate it.

Why, Betty Jean, that's the most beautiful noise I ever heard in my life.

I never want to hear it again.

Now, Betty Jean, you know I've worked on this car.

I've built it from the ground up, piece by piece, with my own hands.

Wayne Frake, I believe you love that car five times as much as you love me!

Now, honey, you know that's not true.

It's just that, well, this year all that hard work's gonna pay off.

I'm gonna win that race. Forget the race.

Betty Jean, this is the Gold Cup... the official Gold Cup.

What's so good about an official way to get killed?

Now you're being dramatic. I'm bein' practical!

We're gonna be married. Okay. Where's the practical come in?

The honeymoon is no fun if the bridegroom's dead. That's where it comes in.

Betty Je... Oh, go on. Get your old cup!

It's not the cup. It's Red Hoerter.

You saw what he did to me last year. I certainly did.

I had him beat till the last lap. He slipped that wheel under me and bumped me off the track.

And he'll do it to you again this year. Oh, no, he won't.

Well, I'm not gonna be there to watch it happen.

You'll be sorry when I come back with that cup.

Please, come back alive.

Cut that out, Wayne!

Twenty-two years of love and care, and what do we raise?

A piston farmer.

If he keeps that up, he'll ruin Blue Boy's digestion.

It's all right, baby.

Eat your breakfast.

You know something, Sime? Yes, sir.

Blue Boy has got the one thing a champion has got to have.

I know. Pride. No, sir.

Well, that's what you said last night. Well, I was wrong.

Pride ain't enough. Arrogance.

He's gonna go to that state fair and stand there like Genghis Khan...

and not only think he's Genghis Khan...

He's gonna know he's Genghis Khan.

He'll win that prize so easy, there'll be a Senate investigation.

Well, they're investigatin' everything else.

- Wayne! - Yeah, Dad?

Tell your mother to call the vet and give him what for. He should've been here by now.

Hey, Mom. Dad wants you to call Dr... I know. I heard him.

Doc Cramer will be here when he gets here.

Fix a label for this jar, will you, honey? Mmm.

Um, you want your name Mrs. Melissa Frake or Mrs. Abel Frake?

Oh, Melissa Frake, I think. Abel's entered Blue Boy,

and the judges are liable to get him mixed up with my mincemeat.

Dad sure is set on winning that ribbon. Ribbon, my eye.

He won't really be happy until that hog shows up in Who's Who.

Got enough straw in there?

Six inches of it, and it's fresh!

That ought to be soft enough with this spread.

Put it on top.

Abel, you sure Miz Frake won't mind? It's got her initial on it.

Spread it over the straw.

Al right. You're the boss. But if I was a woman,

I wouldn't want no hog riding around on my initial.

Better give that sister of yours a nudge.

Hey, Marge!

Hey, Candy-eyes!

No answer, Mom. Where is that girl?

Margy!

Margy! Yes, Mother?

- Are you finished packing? - Almost.

Almost? What's got into you lately?

All you do is sit around and mope. Now, hurry.

What has got into me anyway?

Hey, Margy! Hey, Margy!

Hey, Margy. I've got some great news, honey. What?

I'm not gonna be able to go to the fair.

There's this almost-new cream separator I got a lead on,

and I might get it on a trial offer for 89.50.

Now, what do you say to that? All I can think of is "Hooray!"

Honey, I'm doing it for us.

Be practical, Margy.

Times like these, a man's gotta count pennies. Uh-huh.

And I've heard this year they've raised prices on everything at the fair.

I know. Even the Ferris Wheel. That's right.

Why, they're asking 25 cents for a ride.

A man's gotta be crazy to squander money like that.

Have a little fun, and... it's gone.

I guess that's the trouble with fun.

I's gone. Right.

Now, you take this darn scooter. Did I buy it for fun?

No, ma'am. I bought it because it's supposed to give me 40 miles to the gallon.

Only it doesn't. 38.3... not a scrap more.

Harry, let's not start wallowing around in decimal points again.

You're not going to the fair, and that's that.

Right. Well, I better be goin'.

You have yourself a high old time at the fair, you hear?

Come on back home with a bundle of kisses for old Harry.

I've saved a sackful already.

Like it, baby? Nothing but the best for you!

What kept you, Marge? Your father wants to leave by noon.

I was just talking to Harry.

Do you suppose she's in love with that bread-head? Mind your own business.

Mom, you're a girl. Oh, thank you.

Now, tell me honestly. Do you find that Harry exciting?

I certainly do.

I think Harry's about as exciting as watching grass grow.

Ready, Melissa? Right on schedule!

Well?

Flat. It's the very best I ever made.

You left something out. I'm not gonna load my mincemeat with brandy.

If you're gonna leave something out, leave out the mincemeat.

It's got no backbone.

Honestly, Melissa! Can't you slip in a little vertebrae?

I'm not going to advertise the drunken preferences of this family...

all over the state of Texas.

Suit yourself. Humph.

Hey. You'd better start a fire under that daughter of yours if we ever want to get out of here.

"My kids" when they're late... "Your kids" when they're on time.

I'll throw these aboard and get hooked up. Yeah.

Throw those aboard and get hooked up.

Come on, Marge.

Hurry up, Melissa.

Come on, Marge.

Let's go, honey.

Howdy, Abel. Here's your hog pills.

Well, you sure took your time gettin' here, Doc,

considering Blue Boy's your prize patient.

Abel Frake, what is that hog doing on my special bedspread?

Say, that's a special hog.

I don't like hogs.

Maybe hogs don't like you either. But you don't hear Blue Boy...

And, yes, you do hear Blue Boy.

Maybe Blue Boy isn't particular, but I am.

You'd better take this, Melissa. Abel's got an uncanny knack...

to always losin' my bills.

Twelve dollars? For that big sack of fat?

It's those new miracle drugs. To calm him down in case he gets shook up.

Oh, sure.

A hog's psychology is important, Melissa.

Naturally. The whole family may end up in rags,

but we can't afford to have a traumatic pig.

Blue Boy's gonna make you famous, Doc.

Personal physician to the grand champion.

Don't count on it, Abel. A little trouble's a good thing to bank on, you know?

Honestly, Doc. Why do you always have to be a wet blanket?

Even if Blue Boy wins, something else'll probably happen.

What, for instance?

He might catch the pneumonia, hog cholera,

or you might even catch the pneumonia.

You left out hurricanes and floods.

- Or something might happen to Wayne or Margy. - Oh, for heaven sakes.

Come on, before Doc decides to put an end to the world right this minute.

Be willin' to bet on it. Okay, Doc.

Five dollars says we go to the fair, Blue Boy wins...

and nothing bad happens to Wayne or Margy or any of the rest of us.

Deal? You've got a deal, Abel.

Mark my words now. Something'll go wrong.

Wake up! Wake up, everybody!

There's Dallas.

Dallas? Yes, Dallas.

I think this is the same trailer we had last year.

I'm sure it is. The shower still leaks.

Wayne, come back here and eat your breakfast.

Just a minute, Mom.

Hurry up, Abel.

I better not take time for breakfast. But it's all ready.

I'll get some coffee down at the swine pavilion.

Honestly. You'd rather be with that hog than eat.

Hey, he's got to be curried. And manicured and mollycoddled.

All right. You go ahead. I'll see you down there.

You know something? You're a very nice woman.

I know, I know. And next to Blue Boy, you love me the most.

How can you tell? Good-bye now.

Come on, Margy. Let's go, Wayne. These eggs are getting cold.

Have to skip it, Mom. Got to get over to the track.

Wayne!

This is all I want. It is not all.

Now, you come back here and eat your breakfast.

Please, Mom. I'm not hungry. I want to get to the fair before it gets too crowded.

You can't run around all day on an empty stomach.

Please, Mom? All right. Go ahead.

But be careful now. I will!

And you know what I mean by that.

Howdy, folks.

This is Big Tex.

We all are happy to have you all with us.

It's the greatest state fair in the world.

All right now. Here we go. For a year's supply of Sunburst shampoo,

see if you can complete the next line of this song.

Yes, well, what do the deer and the antelope do?

On! That's it. Now...

Sing.

Almost, by golly. Thank you very much, and do come back again.

Better luck next time. Well, let us try a, uh...

Well, let's try that old cowpoke right down here. That's right.

You in the yellow dress, young lady.

Right this way, ma'am.

Well, well. We have something mighty pretty here.

In a little closer, fellas. Do you mind if we take a close-up of you, dear?

It's part of my plan to beautify the living rooms all over Texas.

Yes, sir. I mean, thank you, sir.

Oh, cut out that sir business. Just call me Jerry.

Jerry. Sure. Good.

Say, where do you come from? Bet you're homegrown.

Banning. Banning?

I guess not too many folks have heard of it.