Doctor Detroit

Five eighths of a mile.

Less corrections for construction zones.

Bus traffic, lake clearance,

adjusted ETA downtown is now three minutes plus ten.

Counting down.

Bye!

Hey!

Hey, look.

Some kinda nut, look at him!

Loves his exercise.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, man!

Nice legs!

Thank you!

Ow!

Sweet thing, how you doing, baby?

Good morning, baby, how are you?

All right.

Good morning, Miss Blittstein.

- Diavolo, fix your shirt, you're so sloppy.

Come on, girls, let's go to work.

Hey, boss, check out the geek.

Yeah, I want you to see this guy.

Slow down, Diavolo.

Oh, it's the same guy.

He's cute.

He's got nice legs for a geek.

You're right.

Forget it, we're late.

Let's go, Diavolo.

Marvelous.

Well, anchors away, sweetheart.

Don't forget to take your Dramamine!

Oh, come on, Jasmine, baby!

What can he do that I can't do?

He has a boat.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Hi, Stretch!

Are you getting taller or did I break a heel?

- Facutly pension checks aren't supposed to bounce,

are they?

Here comes young Skridlow.

Good afternoon, Skridlow.

Right on time.

- Finished classes, six miles into town to the faculty club

as usual, and now I'm indulging myself.

Dinner out and a movie.

- Ah. - Bye.

Look, I paid 50 dollars for this tie

and I think it looks great, okay?

Yeah, well, I woulda

bought the other one, you know?

- I didn't hire you to be a fashion consultant,

I hired you to drive.

So please, just drive, hmm?

Well, one day I'm gonna have my own driver

because I am gonna be an actor.

Look, Diavolo, just cut the

Sidney Poitier impressions, okay?

They'll call me Mr. Diavolo.

Fine.

Hey, wait a second, man,

what the fuck's going on here?

Who is it?

Says moms.

That's one of Mom's cars!

Hey, man, where the fuck you get your driver's license, man?

Hey, Smooth!

Yeah, here's the Yul Brynner clones.

Hey, Smooth Walker!

Me?

Yeah, you, you son of a bitch!

Mom wants to see ya!

Silly me, I...

I thought we were in the middle of a motorcade here.

Aren't you boys on your way to the cue ball convention?

Yeah, you...

Hey, man, watch it, asshole!

Just be cool and drive, okay, Diavolo?

- Say, Jack, you know I just had this motherfucker

washed and waxed?

Diavolo, just be cool, be cool.

Say, boss, you want me to lose these assholes?

Come on, get out!

Let's go!

Take it easy.

Mom's waiting!

Take it easy on the suit.

Look, you want the Asshole of the Year award?

You have my vote, okay?

Take it easy, Johnny.

Okay, okay, guys.

Listen, I can walk by myself, okay?

What are you guys, training wheels?

Hi, Mom, it's a pleasure to see you as always.

You owe me 80,000 dollars.

Uh-uh, 60.

I'm a couple of months behind.

80.

The 20,000 extra is a late payment penalty.

There are lots of other penalties, you know.

Look, Mom, I'm doing my best.

I mean, I got over--

Shut up.

The only reason you're walking around with both knees

is 'cause you got a class act.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

You give me your money, your girls,

everything else you got.

Call it even.

What about me?

I'll let you live.

Quiet!

Mom...

I mean, you know how things work in this town.

Now, if it was up to me alone,

I'd be thrilled to settle this thing with you,

but well...

I got a new partner.

Another partner?

This guy, this dude from Detroit.

Uh, he just moved in on me.

Detroit?

Oh, are you kidding?

I know people in Detroit.

Not this guy.

I mean, he's too big, he's too bad.

He's as bad as you are,

maybe even badder.

I'm scared, Mom.

And that's why I...

I go along with the Doctor.

The Doctor?

Yeah.

Doctor.

Doctor Detroit.

I don't know if he's really from Detroit,

maybe that's just a handle he uses.

- You mean you let this jerk-off muscle in on Mom?

Just let him without...

Just let him in?

I was scared, Mom.

He's a scary guy.

I gotta meet this Doctor.

I'll...

I'll see if I can arrange a meeting.

But do me a favor, Mom, just leave me out of it.

I have suffered enough.

Okay, boys, turn him loose.

If he gets outta line, you can have him for lunch.

What?

What is it with you guys?

Diavolo.

Where to, boss?

Australia, South Pole...

China, okay?

- Well, I gotta stop and get gas, you know that.

Just drive, okay?

Please?

Hey, man, I hate to say this again,

but you got your little fuzzy white ass in a crack.

And you know there isn't any Doctor Detroit.

You just pissed away the money!

Please, I know what I did.

I am trying to figure a way out.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, well, you just remember that you

didn't spend any of that money on me.

It doesn't matter, bro.

You are in this with me, I am not going down alone.

- Wait a second, man, what are you talking about, man?

It's not my fault that you spent all that money

on those clothes, those shoes,

this big gas guzzling tank

and that penthouse of yours!

Diavolo, I didn't say it was your fault,

I said it was your problem.

Now we have to find ourselves a patsy, okay?

Now, what kinda patsy you talking about?

I don't know.

Just somebody who could be Doctor Detroit,

whatever the hell that is.

Just a yo-yo.

- Where are you gonna find a geek like that?

- Mulligatawny soup, lamb vindaloo, alu parathas,

saag, all on the special?