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WANDENBERG CLASSIFIED

THE ROYAL NORWEGIAN HOME OFFICE

HALLANDSEN PERMANENT SECRETARY

The Permanent Secretary is expecting you.

The Wandenberg papers are here. Again.

They should have been incinerated long ago. But now they're back.

It's unbelievable!

Just imagine how the media will react, when they learn this.

It'll be a terrible scandal.

- The Home Secretary, he'll... - She.

- Excuse me? - She. It's a "she" now.

- What is? - The Home Secretary.

Of course. At least for now. Because heads will roll here.

Bugger... I mean: "Oh, my God".

If I'd only been warned against this.

The papers have been registered now. The scandal's inevitable.

I haven't been briefed about those papers.

Good for you. But I can tell you this much...

They contain highly sensitive information.

- Is this another grass root scandal? - Poor child! Grass root!

No, this is taking place at a much higher level.

- Good Heavens! - Yes. There, too.

Is there any way I can help you?

- Look at me. What do you see? - I see you, Mr Hallandsen.

Oh, yes. Right. Great.

You can't be satisfied with just being a chief of section.

The situation's critical, and we must resort to unorthodox measures.

Those papers must be destroyed once and for all!

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Yes. Our efficient employees here will take care of it.

Really? Efficient employees? Here?

You mustn't get involved yourself.

And you mustn't let the office get involved.

And, of course, we haven't had this conversation at all.

- Is that clear? - Yes.

Excellent. Do what you have to do. In God's and in Bondevik's name.

THE RECORD OFFICE FOREIGN COUNTRIES

It's your fault, Grønn-Larsen.

Our employees did everything by the book.

But we were faced with an unforeseen defect.

Please. You assured me that our employees were skilled.

They're both to be transferred to the foot patrol in Flekkefjord.

Once men had courage and guts. Not to mention style.

Back then the Norwegian was typically a good man.

TV-NYDALEN "NOT LARGEST, BUT FASTEST".

SUNNYDALE OLD PEOPLE'S HOME

This is Olsen. We were told to bring him here.

He's to participate in the programme: "On a good footing with the illness".

He doesn't look too good.

He always looks this way. He's feeling great.

- You should have seen the others. - Olsen's here. He looks terrible.

- But they claim he's fine. - We can't use people that weak.

- What's the matter with him? - What's the matter with him?

Nothing. He's just getting older, and most people hate that.

He's just a little senile and has reduced hearing.

He's okay as tong as his hearing aid works.

- What the hell was that? - I'm just checking his hearing aid.

And you're awaiting an operation.

It might take 1-2 years. Maybe 3. Or 4 years. You never know.

WAITING LIST B

Just be patient.

You can't sit right here. Then the others can't see the telly.

Has your rucksack been emptied today? Well, I can't help you.

- Sister..? - Yes?

- I've forgotten your name. - What does it say there?

Now I can see it. Sister Agnes.

- Can I have some egg and bacon? - No, but you can have a bedpan.

- Yes. And make it crispy. - It's been boiled.

Boiled bedpan?

50 kroner.

- I'm hungry. Do you have chapati? - No, nan.

- Industrigata 12. - Yes, yes.

I said number 12, you fool.

Douze. Twelve. Zwölf. Ein-zwei.

Industrigate 12. The name's Andersen.

Andersen? We'll be there within a few minutes. Thank you.

Any free taxis in sector 11?

The Norwegians ought to be ashamed of themselves.

In several old people's homes, you'll find -

- fellow countrymen, who have lived thriftily -

- and thereby contributed to the creation of this wonderful society.

Today, they're lonely, abandoned, and forgotten.

Mr Olsen, how does it feel to be forgotten by everybody?

Mr Olsen? Can you hear me?

Can you hear me now, Olsen?

Of course. Why do you ask?

Tell me, is it true that nobody has visited you for 15 years?

14 years. But it's true that nobody has visited me.

You must feel terribly let down.

- Let down? Yes, I guess so. - And lonely.

Yes, lonely. Let down and lonely.

- Egon... - But it wasn't always like that.

- Egon. - I had friends back then.

- Are you out'? - But now they've let you down?

- Yes. Definitely. - Aren't you very disappointed?

Oh, I don't know.

Because they were a couple of idiots and wimps.

Numbskulls, amateurs, -

- socialists, lazybones and cowards.

They were absolutely useless.

Such people ought to be institutionalised.

It seems like we've lost the connection to Tuppen Gurken, -

- and we apologize for that. We're trying to solve the problem, -

- and hopefully we'll be back in a few minutes.

Where are you going, Harry? The bedpan's here.

Press there.

Then you can talk to all the cars. There you can talk to the clients.

And then you need to say "good evening" very nicely, right?

You need to say: "This is Benny's Taxi." No, no, no.

Not that button. This one. Good luck. I'll see you.

Take care, Benny.

That button. No, not that one. This one.

Grønn-Larsen, hello?

You need to pull yourself together. I've just seen Egon Olsen.

- And I'm not hallucinating. - No, of course not.

- But... what should I..? - What you should do?

First, we should be thankful that our prayers have been heard.

Secondly, you must pay the TV station a visit -

and get a hold of Egon Olsen.

- And then... - I'm on my way.

M-m-must I leave right now?

Yes. A public servant must always be prepared.

- Over and out. - Yes, sir.

- Look out. - Excuse me, I didn't see...

Harry? Old friend. Are you still alive?

It's been a while, Benny. I can't believe we're meeting like this.

Why are you walking with crutches now?

I placed a charge in "Romeriksporten" to equalize the delay on the railway.

But I didn't know there was that much water above us.

- The water's not a problem any more. - They've made it tight now.

It was you! I should have guessed it.

- Excuse me, where's the lavatory? - Just go right through that door.

Straight ahead, down the hallway, second door on your left, -

- through the hallway and left. There you'll find two lavatories.

- Benny, what are you up to now? - Transportation.

You mean export, right? For the national breweries.

That's funny! No, I'm serious.

Messenger service and taxis. Legal messenger service. Illegal taxis.

Then why are you walking?

You know how difficult it is to get a taxi these days.

Where are you going? The same way as I am?

No, I was... I just wanted to...

- Did you also see Egon on TV? - I most certainly did.

GREETING CARDS

COSTUMES

He'll be happy to see us. You heard him on TV.

He misses us. That poor thing hasn't seen a soul for 14 years.

- He's been very lonely. - Look!

- I don't believe it, Harry. - Egon's back.

- Oh, my... - There you are. Finally.

- And you didn't even bring a flag. - Good old Egon.

- It's great to see you again. - What's happened?

- A minor explosion accident. - Ah, the usual.

And I'm in the transport industry.

"Benny's Taxi Ltd." "Call Us And We'll Be There."

- Original. Where's the limo? - They were all occupied.

- We've really missed you. - We've missed you terribly, Egon.

We've missed you terribly. Times are hard.

And it's become difficult to earn a living.

- And we're not getting any younger. - At least Harry isn't.

But you're still the same good old Egon.

Isn't that true, Harry? He hasn't changed at all.

No, not at all. Do you have a plan, Egon?

- A small one? - One? I have several plans.

I have been busy all these years.

I told you so! Of course, Egon has a plan.

Egon, just tell us what to do. We're fit for fight.

- I wish Kjell was here. - We can't stand here all day.

Let's see if Valborg's home.

- Egon Olsen? - What? Egil Olsen?

- What? - Drillo? No, he's not here.

- No, I'm talking about Egon Olsen. - He's not here either.

He should have been here. Everybody's looking for him.

A few minutes on the telly and you're a star.

- Isn't he here? What do you mean? - He's vanished.

Let us know if you see him. He needs to go back to the home.

- We'll have a nice, cosy evening. - What do you know? Campari.

It's so nice to see you. It was such a surprise to see you on the telly.

And you're in an old people's home. I thought you were in prison.

- What's it like in the home? - They wake you up much too early.

Seriously, why do they wake up old people?

Let them sleep in their beds instead of in the chair next to the bed.

Oh, my, is this Basse, Valborg? He's grown so much.

I could hardly recognise him. He used to be much smaller.

- What's Basse doing now? - He wanted to become a doctor.

But we didn't have a piano, and then he suddenly went abroad.

And now I believe he's in the diamond business.

He's very busy. But he still keeps in touch...

And the last time he was in London he sent me a Christmas card.

From a place called... "Dartmoor Prison".

- Yes. Cheers. - Cheers.

It tastes like the stuff we get in the home.

See, Egon thinks it's nice. East or west, home is best.

Isn't that right, Egon? But I've got something for you.

It's been lying there since Basses wedding. The first one, that is.

- Well, what is it, Egon? - What?

The plan. You said you had a plan.

- Did I say that? - You said you had several plans.

- Let's just hear one of them. - A plan is vital right now.

So you would like to hear my plan?