Repo Man

'...that's correct.'

Let me see your driver's licence.

'Coach 1018, coach 1018.'

From out of town, huh?

What you got in the trunk?

Oh...

You don't want to look in there.

Give me the keys.

'Mr Humphries, aisle nine.. Mr Humphries, aisle nine.'

Kevin, stop singing, man.

Huh? I wasn't singing, guy.

I'm standing right next to you and you were fucking singing, cut it out.

Why so tense, guy?

- Otto. - Mr Humphries.

You were late again this morning.

Normally I'd let it go,

but it's been brought to my attention that you're not paying attention

to the way you space the cans.

Many young men your age in these uncertain times...

Otto?

Are you paying attention to me?

Hey, he's talkin' to you.

Fuck you!

Come on, you fucker, come on! Just try it.

Come on.

Gotta love getting fired from your job in a big way, Otto.

What are you laughing at?

Louie, throw him out, too.

- Come on, you fucking worm. - Me?

Get out of here.

"Coup d'État")

How're ya doin', Duke?

When did you get out of the slammer, man?

Excuse me while I fold my pants.

What's the difference?

Huh?

Okay.

Otto...

- Otto... - What?

Get me another beer.

(Kevin) Ow. Cool. Ow.

Dammit. A joke's a joke.

I'm supposed to be the host here.

Ow!

Debbi, honey...

I got your beer.

Just ignore him, Duke.

He's nothing but a big baby.

- What are you doin', man? - (Duke) Turn the fucking light out!

Nobody's supposed to be here. This is my parents' room.

Saturday Night Live.

Monday Night Football.

Dallas.

Jeffersons.

Gilligan's lsland.

The Flintstones.

Hey, kid...

Hey!

Hey, kid. Hey, you hard of hearing, Ace?

- What do you want? - You wanna make ten bucks?

Fuck you, queer.

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, kid, you got the wrong idea.

Look, my old lady's real sick,

I got to get her to the hospital, okay?

So what? Take her there.

I can't. I can't leave her car in this bad area.

Look, I need some helpful soul to drive it for me, okay?

She's pregnant. She's with twins, she could drop at any time, all right?

Well, ah, how much you gonna give me?

- Fifteen bucks. - Nah, I won't do it for less than twenty.

Twenty-five.

Follow me in my old lady's car. It's right here, okay?

All right.

Where's uh... Where's your old lady at?

Never mind about that.

Right now we gotta get both my cars out of this bad area, all right?

Come on.

Let's go.

THE PLUGZ "El Clavo Y La Cruz"

You know damned straight which one I'm talking about.

It's sittin' right outside.

It took me two weeks to get this money up so I could come and get it.

That ain't your car.

Hey, you gonna let him lie to you like that?

- Shut up. - Huh?

You gonna give me my car or do I gotta go to your house

and shove your dog's head down the toilet?

- Take it easy, sonny boy. - (Woman) Shut up, rent a cop.

Best goddamned car on the lot.

You damned right it is.

Say, Mo, what's happening? You won't take a lift?

- No, thank you. - Let's go.

- Drive a Cadillac, sleep in a tent. - (Bud) Shut up, Plettschner.

Bud, what street was that car on?

Honey, I don't know, some alley...

- Hey, kid. - He doesn't know.

Hey, what street was the Cutlass on?

- I don't know. - They don't know, I'll call you back.

- What happened to your old lady? - My old lady?

Oh, shit. I forgot all about her.

Well, she'll take the bus. She's a rock.

Hey, come on in.

Marlene!

- Marlene! - Can you hold?

- You gotta name, kid? - Yeah, it's Otto.

Auto? Auto Parts? (Laughs)

Here, kid.

- Helping hand. - You got a driver's licence, sonny?

Oh yeah, you're fucking-a we ripped your car, asshole.

You wanna know who told us where it was?

Your goddammed brother.

- Are you really 21? - That's what it says, doesn't it?

Hey, you want some help with that beer, kid?

- You're all repo men. - What if we are?

You know, kid, usually when somebody pulls shit like that

my first reaction is, ah...

I want to punch his fucking lights out.

But you know something...

You're all right!

Right, Lite.

- You got any messages for me, baby? - (Marlene) Yeah, here you go.

Somebody pissed on the floor again?

Maybe he's looking for a job, hey Budsky?

Could be. What do you say kid?

We're always on the lookout for a few good men.

Screw that!

Ain't going to be no repo man. No way!

It's too late... you already are.

You find one in every car.

You'll see.

'Come in, Officer Labeef, do you read me?'

Years ago I saw five cows mutilated.

Legs sticking up in the air.

- 'Chuck, will you stop screwin' around?' - Their ah... their testicles were cut off.

I think Canadian bacon is better myself.

'I've got the stats on that car, Officer Labeef.'

I've never seen the like of that.

'Ten-forty Baker...'

What could have done that to him?

Gasoline?

Napalm?

It happens sometimes. People just explode.

Natural causes.

What?

- Night watchman in Pomona? - Yep.

- Asbestos worker. City of industry. - Yep, yep!

French fry maker Agoura. That's absurd.

Yeah? Well, you think it's funny, huh?

There's fucking room to move as a fry cook, man.

You know, I could be manager in two years?

King!

God!

You know, Kevin,

I had this wild fucking dream the other night.

I bet.

It was with you and me,

and we were working in this sleazy shithole motel

down in Miami, Florida.

And we were bellhops.

And we were sixty-five years old.

It was so real, it was really real, realistic.

And then what, you woke up in a puddle?

- Fuck you! - Fucking jerk.

- Where are you going, asshole? - Away from you.

'The lord has told me personally.

'Yea, for I walk with the lord. Amen.

'He said, Larry, you and your flock shall seek the promised land.

'But only if you first destroy the twin evils

'of godless communism abroad

'and liberal humanism at home.'

Mother, father. Got anything to eat?

'Now, my friends, occasionally we get a letter from a viewer that says,

'now the only reason Reverend Larry comes on your television set

'is because he wants your money.

'And do you know what? They're right! I do want your money.

'Because god wants your money!

'So I want you to go out and mortgage that home

'and sell that car and send me your money.

'You don't need that car.'

Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more.

I couldn't enjoy it any more, Mum. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

This is swell.

Dad?

- Hey, Dad? - What is it, son?

Do you remember that you once told me a long time ago,

well, not too long ago, but um...

that you told me that you'd give me $1,000 to go to Europe

if I finish school.

Well, you know something? You were right.

About finishing school, that's what I'd like to do.

But, um, I want to know if I could have the money first.

Like now.

You know I really love you, Dad. I've always loved you.

You too, mum. What do you say?

I don't have it any more.