Peacemaker

Hey. Come back to bed.

I have to get ready for work, Rick. So do you.

Don't remind me.

You ship out today. You should really be with June.

You're jealous?

You know I'm not. I'm just not fond of lying.

Yeah. Well, she's a fucking sorceress.

And?

And I'm afraid if I break up with her,

she's gonna burrow a hole through the planet.

- Dude. - What?

Can you possibly self-aggrandize more?

I'm serious.

I know. That's the problem.

Maybe it's worth it.

What?

A hole through the planet.

Me and you.

You're the only friend I have, Rick.

And I'm pretty sure I'm yours. You want to fuck that up?

Newsflash, Emilia Harcourt, we already fucked that up.

I'm serious.

Come on.

You ship out to Corto Maltese in two hours.

Peacemaker, what a joke.

Dude, what are you doing?

Dude, it's past eleven.

Dude.

Where the fuck have you been?

Dad and I have been freaked out. There's blood in the library.

- Where the fuck did that come from? - What library?

Our library?

Yeah, I...

- call that the trophy room. - Since when?

Where have you been?

- Are you hungover? - A little bit.

I thought you were gonna slow down with all that.

I mean, at least it's just alcohol.

It is just alcohol, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, get up. Come on.

- I'm fixing us some eggs. - Okay.

Okay.

Shit.

Fuck.

Come on. Piss!

What the fuck?

Whoa.

Keith. Sorry, but I gotta go!

Also, why do all my clothes look like the Kardashians' furniture! Huh?

Who are the Kardashians?

Seriously?

Where are you going?

I took your advice.

I'm going to see Harcourt.

What about the jarhead?

Fuck him.

Agreed.

Fuck him!

Fuck that guy.

Hey. Before I go,

pop quiz.

- Pop quiz? - Yes.

Can you name the entire address, including zip code,

of Emilia Harcourt's workplace?

What?

- Come on, this is fun. - It's not fun. It's weird.

Why would I know the address of ARGUS?

ARGUS. Okay, second question.

That counts as right?

Can I borrow the keys to your truck?

What kind of fucking pop quiz is this?

- I don't make the rules, bro. - It seems like you very much do.

- Why are you being so weird? - Just answer the question.

Why don't you drive your fucking Peace-cycle?

That's the correct answer.

What the fuck?

Oh yeah.

Peacemaker!

Peacemaker, I love you!

Love you too, little man.

Peacemaker! I love you!

- Peacemaker! - That's a bit much.

Peacemaker!

Best. Dimension. Ever.

Shit. Dude.

My head.

How much did we drink last night?

Shoot.

I need some water.

You drank as much as anyone here.

Aren't you in agony?

Does it help somehow to bitch about it?

- You want some coffee? - Just water.

Chris stormed out of here last night.

Did something go down between you two?

No. Just Chris being Chris.

I don't mean just last night,

but, like, a couple of weeks ago?

Because you guys were hanging out, like, a lot, and then...

So, did something happen between you two then?

No.

No way.

How would you know?

'Cause Peacemaker's my best friend, and we share everything with each other.

- Yeah? - Even all our deepest, darkest secrets.

Like what?

Like, you know, like...

Okay. Don't make fun of me, but how...

I like spiders.

Peacemaker taught me that that's not something I should be ashamed of.

Along with owls and dolphins and manta rays,

they're one of my favorite animals,

and no matter how much I can tell you're both judging me right now,

I'm not gonna be ashamed of that.

So, your deep, dark secret is that you dig spiders?

Yes. I know it makes me ghoulish,

but, you know, we all have our faults.

Adrian, how many people have you killed?

How many is a shit-ton?

Wait, why are you changing the subject?

Hey, are you wearing my robe?

I know everything there is to know about spiders.

- You wanna quiz me on some spider facts? - No.

I could probably take a spider test right now

and get a professional entomology degree.

A spider test.

Crows. Crows are also one of my favorites.

Adrian, it is too early for this.

You guys aren't on the crow train?

Oh my God, I know so many crow facts.

Do you know they're the only bird to use tools?

- No, I didn't. - Yeah.

They can take a paper clip,

straighten it out, and then if another crow is being a dick,

he can stab him to death with it.

Crows do that?

I didn't say they do do it. I said they could.

- You know what, Adrian? - No. What?

John fell asleep in the bathtub last night.

I'm suddenly getting afraid he choked on his own vomit in there.

Fuck!

Why are you just telling me this now?

Why are you encouraging him?

I'm sorry. I fell face-first in the Adrian vortex.

Whoa, what are you doing?

I'm making sure you're alive.

Why are your fingers in my mouth?

I'm checking for throw-up.

Jesus Christ, dude!

Wait, wait, wait.

So, did something happen between Chris and you, or no?

Nothing happened.

I'm gonna get some sun. You coming?

Want to quiz me on some spider facts?

I'm here to see Emilia Harcourt.

Mr. Smith! So good to see you.

Hey, what's up, old buddy?

Good to see you again too.

You keeping our country safe, huh?

Absolutely.

How did Mr. Grant's test turn out?

Very positive.

That's terrible.

Right?

I was hoping it wasn't cancer.

Can you just put your eye there across from the scanner, sir?

Yeah, yes.

- Just like this? - That's perfect.

All set.

Picture of me.

Third floor, of course.

Ms. Harcourt will be waiting for you.

He just said

you guys went on a party boat a couple weeks ago,

and you kinda ghosted him after.

I didn't ghost anyone.

Did something happen?

- Where? - On the party boat.

No, Ads. I told you, no.

- Well... - Well, what?

- Why not? - Are you kidding me?

No. Chris, he's nice. He's funny.

He's got splendid hygiene.

Yeah, other than the eagle shit everywhere.

Other than that, he's super-yoked,

nice jawline,

and he's in love with you.

Shut up.

- What? - He's not.

He sat by your bed for five days while you were in a coma, Em.

He wears a fucking clown costume.

- Dude. - What?

I'm just saying, I love you,

but you're not exactly the picture of a balanced life.

All right.

When I first met you, I thought you had it all together.

And I'm not saying you don't come off cool, you do.

But since really getting to know you,

I realized you're more fucked up than anyone I know.