Red One

Oh! Sorry, Uncle Rick.

Excuse me.

What is this?

Like I said, we're being played.

Now, pay up.

How'd you even find this stuff?

I can find anything or anyone.

Then why can't you find your dad?

Hilarious, Gene.

Look, I don't know what all this stuff is,

but Santa is coming tonight.

Okay, can we talk about that for a minute?

Jack O'Malley.

Kids, go downstairs.

Not you.

What are you doing, pal?

Look, we love having you here for the holidays.

But what are you telling your cousins?

The cold hard truth.

"Cold hard truth"?

Jack, these are presents, yes. But these aren't Santa's presents.

Right. Because Santa Claus hasn't been here yet.

It's Christmas Eve. He's coming tonight.

He's coming here.

To this house. Tonight.

- That's what you're telling me? - That's what I'm telling you.

And he's also going to every other house in the world

on the same night using flying reindeer for transportation?

Yes, Jack.

And what fuels a flying reindeer exactly?

Probably, carrots.

Okay, look, I don't know exactly how it works.

All I know is, when we wake up tomorrow, Santa will have been here.

All right, let's go.

You don't wanna get on The Naughty List, do you?

Honestly, Uncle Rick, I'm not that worried about it.

Christine! Triple shot Americano!

Jack O'Malley! I don't believe it.

Lenny, you miss me?

- Where's my money? - I'm getting you your money.

I told you I'm gonna get you your money.

I'm on a job right now.

In fact, I'm planning on doubling it.

You still got Morris at plus 300?

Morris? That stiff?

Put me down for 25K.

You got a lot of balls, O'Malley.

I know. Brains too. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

All right.

Good. Feel it. Feel the burn.

Seven. Here we go. And switch.

Eight.

Push it. Gotta move. Come on now.

- Give it all you got. - Oh.

Gosh! Fire!

Look, fire!

Grab your stuff.

There's a fire.

What are you looking at?

Gift card! Gift card. Gift card.

Ultimate Vampire Assassin 4 for the Switch. Got it.

Are you gonna write that down?

No. Steel trap.

Hey, Fred.

We got a 5'11 male grown-up hovering by the scented candles.

Keep an eye out.

Copy, Chief. I got eyes on him.

Hi, Santa.

We made cookies for you.

Thank you.

Chocolate chip and snickerdoodle.

I love snickerdoodle. How'd you know?

- I made them myself. - I helped.

You know what? I've been meaning to talk to you guys.

Come here a minute.

We're live! Yo, it's your boy, Beef Stew.

And we're here at Christmas at the mall

with the boy, the GOAT, Santa.

And we're gonna get him to put on Stew Crew T-shirt.

Sir, you can't cut the line.

Aw, what's the matter, big dude?

You don't wanna show some Christmas love to the Beef?

These kids have been waiting a long time.

Look, man. It'll take two minutes.

He puts on the shirt and he says,

"Now we beef in'!"

- Sir. - I'm a big deal.

I have over 3,000 followers.

I'm gonna make your boy famous.

Just got to put the shirt on.

He's already quite famous.

- Ah. Don't be a total-- - Sir.

You can't cut the line.

Have I made myself clear?

Yes, very clear.

Now, I wish you a Merry Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm-- Yep.

Now, you guys have

a very important appointment with Santa.

Man, I needed that.

So important to get out, talk to the kids.

Best part of the job.

It's Santa.

Nothing like a crowded mall two days before Christmas.

Yo, Santa-man! Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, pal!

Tell me you're not gonna miss this.

God! What do you mean you're sold out of essential oils?

I'm gonna bash someone's skull in.

I'm not gonna miss this.

Approaching ground floor.

Let's heat up Ice Breaker.

Freddy, secondary array, 180 degree spread. Go!

- Copy that. - Roger that.

Red One is on the move.

Vampire Assassin 4 is hot this year.

Thanks, Ginerva.

Sure thing, Red.

Carl, you got any milk up there?

Of course, Red.

I always love coming to Philly.

You think we have time to stop for a cheese steak?

It won't be the same without you, Cal.

It will be exactly the same without me.

Stubborn pain in the butt.

General.

Red. Good to see you.

- Successful excursion? - Yes, sir.

The mall at Christmas time, it's like oxygen for me.

Thank you.

Good evening, ladies.

What are you so excited about?

Oh. Of course, your boyfriend's here.

Uh, hey, girls.

Okay, okay.

Of course, I didn't forget.

Yes, I brought extra.

Who's hungry?

There we go.

Cal!

Come on, man!

Clock's ticking.

Red One, you are clear for take-off.

All right, ladies.

Let's go home.

Thanks for the escort, fellas.

See you next year!

Kavalame!

Come on, Morris.

Go ahead.

I got it.

I don't know what the hell it is, but I got it.

Send the coordinates.

Well, why don't you send something my way first?

Wiring the first half now.

The rest, when the data is verified.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

He's got Morris in the corner.

He staggered him.

- He's in the corner! - No.

- No! - Morris is down!

No! Oh, my God!

Home, sweet home.

Whoa, ladies.

Red, welcome back.

Thank you.

Where's the missus?

I'm... I'm right here!

Deliverables was a half hour ago.

Larry, this is going to Bermuda.

Copy that. Bermuda.

Garcia.

Welcome back, Chief.

What did I miss?

Nothing. Everyone's working.

There's a bottleneck in Ribbons.

Phil is blaming Wrapping,

Wrapping says Phil is being over dramatic.

Everybody's feeling the heat.

All right. I'll talk to him.

Please.

Phil's driving everybody nuts.

Phil in Ribbons is having a total meltdown.

Yeah, maybe it's time to find

a less stressful spot for Phil.

I don't know, Tinsel?

No. Phil out of Ribbons?

Just a thought.

He's got a dog named Ribbons.

Yeah, right.

495, 496,

497, 498,

499, 500.

In five minutes. Not bad.

Yeah, getting warmed up.

All right, I'm gonna run the simulation model

on Belgium and Holland again, just to be safe.

- Thank you, sweetie. - All right.

If you need me, yell.