Or Something

And it's a Wednesday, isn't it, that bomb cyclone bearing down on us?

We'll have a look at that in-depth weather forecast at 6:29, see exactly what the skinny is with that.

But it's cold this morning, and it's the holiday, so how you holding up?

I've got a lot yet to do, and I've written some figure, now I can't recall it,

but just a tremendous amount of people who wait till the last minute to do all the things you need to do associated with the holidays.

Why don't we do them in advance? Why don't we do them in advance?

Now some of you do. Some of you are sitting right there right now saying, "Clay, I've got everything taken care of."

And it’s you I commend. Your organizational skills, your time management, your stress management, your...

I can do this for ten.

Ten? I bought that for like three hundred dollars.

Do you want to take it back?

No. You can just...

Yeah.

I can give you forty-five dollars store credit or twenty-eight cash.

Cash?

Yes?

Yes, I'm smoking.

No, I'm not drinking candy, though. I can start. It makes no sense.

Yes, Bob. Everything is going to be fine.

I told you, I'm taking care of it.

Look, let's just think about it later.

Alright.

Okay, Mom. Alright, I love you.

Bye.

I have a taser.

What?

What do you want?

Nothing.

You think I even noticed you following me? You fucking perv?

Lady, chill out.

Shut the fuck up. Do you want to get tased?

I'm just here to see somebody.

Oh, really? Who?

Teddy.

You know Teddy?

Yeah, I do know Teddy.

Go ahead.

No, you go ahead. I insist. Come on.

Sorry.

Hey, come on in.

Really raining cats and dogs out there, huh?

Take a seat. Make yourselves at home.

Oh, you can move that shit wherever.

I didn't know you guys knew each other.

We don't.

Huh.

What happened to your leg?

Oh, yeah, just a funny little accident.

Anyway, how are you guys? What's going on?

How's tutoring, Olivia?

I stopped doing that in, like, 2013.

Oh, yeah, well, I was just, you know, I was just playing.

You know, I play too much.

So, how's your mom?

She's not doing great, Teddy.

Yeah, I feel that.

Do you, though?

Anyway, what's up?

It's a fun little poppin'.

What are you guys doing here?

You know exactly why I'm here.

Yeah, remember that favor you owe me?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

What?

Oh, I'm so thirsty.

Oh, man. Ah!

I wish I could reach that cup over there.

What cup?

That cup?

Hey, could you fill that up with Mountain Dew?

I've got a two-liter in my fridge.

Yeah, okay. Hey, chop chop.

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh! Hits the spot!

Mmm, Soda is so awesome.

Okay, anyway, Teddy, I need cash.

Whoa, So does he.

Really?

Yeah, like a thousand bucks.

1200.

Same.

Whoa. I was actually just reading about synchronicity,

and, you know, I usually don't fuck with, like, horoscopes,

but sometimes that shit is hittin’, you know?

I got this, like, one crazy app.

I should redownload it. It's so crazy.

Alright, on that note, I gotta get out of here.

Give me the money.

Mmm.

A little problem.

What now?

Well, I don't, uh, have the money on my person, per se.

Teddy, we had a deal.

Uh, why don't you ask your parents?

That's not funny.

How about I write you an IOU for the IOU on some inception shit?

I need it today, now.

Same.

Mmm.

Well, a guy has it.

Who?

Uptown Mike.

Uptown Mike? What is that, a bar?

I just told you it's a guy.

Okay, why is he called Uptown Mike?

Well, he hates gentrification, so he refuses to leave his neighborhood.

So I'm assuming when you say Uptown, you mean what?

Like Union Square or something?

Uh, no, more like Harlem.

So you're saying if we go to Harlem and find this guy Mike, he'll give us--

Uptown Mike.

If we find this guy Uptown Mike, he'll give us the money.

Yes.

Great.

And it's enough for both of us.

Mmm-hmm.

What's his address?

144th and Convent.

Can't miss it.

Street number?

Mmm.

Well, I don't know.

I can't remember.

Seriously?

Are you for real?

Yes, I'm for real.

Okay, what's his cell phone number?

Ooh, yeah, I don't know.

I can't really give you that.

Why not?

Well, uh, I'm not really allowed.

He doesn't give his phone numbers to strangers.

Who is this guy?

Tony Soprano?

How the fuck do we find him?

I already told you his name is Uptown Mike.

And, uh, you can find him on Convent and 144th.

Show us his Instagram, then.

He's private.

Yeah, you can show us his picture, though.

I've tried adding him, like, five times and he still won't accept me.

I don't know, private dude.

You can call him.

You have his number, right?

Uh, well, yeah, technically I have his number.

So call him.

Why?

To tell him that we're coming.

Okay, okay, alright.

Oh, chill, dude.

Mmm.

T-t-t-t-t.

Went to voicemail.

Then leave a voicemail.

Okay.

Hey!

Uptown Mike!

What's poppin', brother?

It's me, uh, downtown Teddy.

No, I'm just fucking with you, man.

Um, uh, so I'm here with some homies right now.

Olivia and, wait, what was your name?

Amir.

Yeah, Olivia and Amir, and they're coming to get that 2K Omi.

2400.

Yeah, 2400.

Uh, so, yeah, it's gonna be a short, weird little white girl and a black guy, I think.

I’m Egyptian...

Uh, they're an hour away.

Miss ya, buddy.

Love ya.

Uh, yeah, talk to ya soon.

Alright, alright, alright, player.

Um, yeah, so, you know, he's gonna come through for sure.

Amir, can you make me a PB&J, please?

Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

So, do you live in Brooklyn?

Carroll Gardens.

Nice, I love it over there.

It's nice and quiet.

I live in Williamsburg.

So, did you grow up in the city?

Long Island.

I'm from right outside of Chicago.

Call it Little New York.

Can't believe it's been 10 years in the city.

Time is, time is savage.

It's pretty weird, huh?

What?

Us both meeting the money from Teddy.

Oh, yeah.

It is, like, super weird, actually.

What are you doing over there, anyways?

Sudoku.

I played that once.

I'm more of a wordsman myself.

Wordsman?

Yeah.

Stand clear of the closing doors, please.